《安妮日记》第84章

etc。；　and　theres　no　end　to　it。　those　parts　of　the　book　dealing　with　music　and　the　other　arts　are　much　more　interesting。　some　of　the　people　mentioned　are　schumann；　clara　wieck；　hector　berlioz；　johannes　brahms；　beethoven；　joachim；　richard　wagner；　hans　von　bulow；　anton　rubinstein；　frederic　chopin；　victor　hugo；　honore　de　balzac；　hiller；　hummel；　czerny；　rossini；　cherubini；　paganini；　mendels…　sohn；　etc。；　etc。
liszt　appears　to　have　been　a　decent　man；　very　generous　and　modest；　though　exceptionally　vain。　he　helped　others；　put　art　above　all　else；　was　extremely　fond　of　cognac　and　women；　couldnt　bear　the　sight　of　tears；　was　a　gentleman；　couldnt　refuse　anyone　a　favor；　wasnt　interested　in　money　and　cared　about　religious　freedom　and　the　world。
yours；　anne　
m。　frank
314　anne　frank
tuesday；　june　13；　1944
dearest　kit；　another　birthday　has　gone　by；　so　im　now　fifteen。　i　received　quite　a　few　gifts：
springers　five…volume　art　history　book；　a　set　of　underwear；　two　belts；　a　handkerchief；　two　jars　of　yogurt；　a　jar　of　jam；　two　honey　cookies　（small）；　a　botany　book　from　father　and　mother；　a　gold　bracelet　from　margot；　a　sticker　album　from　the　van　daans；　biomalt　and　sweet　peas　from　dussel；　candy　from　miep；　candy　and　notebooks　from　bep；　and　the　high　point：　the　book　maria　theresa　and　three　slices　of　full…cream　cheese　from　mr。　kugler。　peter　gave　me　a　lovely　bouquet　of　peonies；　the　poor　boy　had　put　a　lot　of　effort　into　finding　a　present；　but　nothing　quite　worked　out。
the　invasion　is　still　going　splendidly；　in　spite　of　the　miserable　weather　……　pouring　rains；　gale　winds　and　high　seas。
yesterday　churchill；　smuts；　eisenhower　and　arnold　visited　the　french　villages　that　the　british　have　captured　and　liberated。　churchill　was　on　a　torpedo　boat　that　shelled　the　coast。　uke　many　men；　he　doesnt　seem　to　know　what　fear　is　……　an　enviable　trait！
from　our　position　here　in　fort　annex；　its　difficult　to　gauge　the　mood　of　the　dutch。
no　doubt　many　people　are　glad　the　idle　（！）　british　have　finally　rolled　up　their　sleeves　and　gotten　down　to　work。　those　who　keep　claim…　ing　they　dont　want　to　be　occupied　by　the　british　dont　realize　how　unfair　theyre　being。　their　line　of　reasoning　boils　down　to　this：　england　must　fight；　struggle　and　sacri…　fice　its　sons　to　liberate　holland　and　the　other　occupied　countries。　after　that　the　british　shouldnt　remain　in　hol…　land：
they　should　offer　their　most　abject　apologies　to　all　the　occupied　countries；　restore　the　dutch　east　indies　to　its　rightful　owner　and　then　return；　weakened　and　impoverished；　to　england。　what　a　bunch　of　idiots。　and　yet；　as　ive　already　said；　many　dutch　people　can　be　counted　among　their　ranks。　what　would　have　bee　of　holland　and　its　neighbors　if
england　had　signed　a　peace　treaty　with　germany；　as　its　had　ample　opportunity　to　do？
holland　would　have　bee　german；　and　that　would　have　been　the　end　of　that！
all　those　dutch　people　who　still　look　down　on　the　british；　scoff　at　england　and　its　government　of　old　fogies；　call　the　english　cowards；　yet　hate　the　germans；　should　be　given　a　good　shaking；　the　way　youd　plump　up　a　pillow。　maybe　that　would　straighten　out　their　jumbled　brains！
wishes；　thoughts；　accusations　and　reproaches　are　swirling　around　in　my　head。　im　not　really　as　conceited　as　many　people　think；　i　know　my　various　faults　and　shortings　better　than　anyone　else；　but　theres　one　difference：　i　also　know　that　i　want　to　change；　will　change　and　already　have　changed　greatly！
why　is　it；　i　often　ask　myself；　that　everyone　still　thinks　im　so　pushy　and　such　a　know…it…all？　am　i　really　so　arrogant？　am　i　the　one　whos　so　arrogant；　or　are　they？
it　sounds　crazy；　i　know；　but　im　not　going　to　cross　out　that　last　sentence；　because　its　not　as　crazy　as　it　seems。　mrs。　van　daan　and　dussel；　my　two　chief　accusers；　are　known　to　be　totally　unintelligent　and；　not　to　put　too　fine　a　point　on　it；　just　plain　〃stupid〃！　stupid　people　usually　cant　bear　it　when　others　do　something　better　than　they　do；　the　best　examples　of　this　are　those　two　dummies；　mrs。　van　daan　and　dussel。　mrs。
van　d。　thinks　im　stupid　because　i　dont　suffer　so　much　from　this　ailment　as　she　does；　she　thinks　im　pushy　because　shes　even　pushier；　she　thinks　my　dresses　are　too　short　because　hers　are　even　shorter；　and　she　thinks　im　such　a　know…it…all　because　she　talks　twice　as　much　as　i　do　about　topics　she　knows　nothing　about。　the　same　goes　for　dussel。　but　one　of　my　favorite　sayings　is　〃where　theres　smoke　theres　fire；〃　and　i　readily　admit　im　a　know…it…all。
whats　so　difficult　about　my　personality　is　that　i　scold　and　curse　myself　much　more　than　anyone　else　does；　if　mother　adds　her　advice；　the　pile　of　sermons　bees　so　thick　that　i　despair　of　ever　getting　through　them。　then　i　talk　back　and　start　contradicting　everyone　until　the　old　famthar　anne　refrain　inevitably　crops　up　again：
〃no　one　understands　me！”
this　phrase　is　part　of　me；　and　as　unlikely　as　it　may　seem；　theres　a　kernel　of　truth　in　it。　sometimes　im　so　deeply　buried　under　self…reproaches　that　i　long　for　a　word　of　fort　to　help　me　dig　myself　out　again。　if　only　i　had　someone　who　took　my　feelings　seriously。　alas；　i　havent　yet　found　that　person；　so　the　search　must　go　on。
i　know　youre　wondering　about　peter；　arent　you；　kit？　its　true；　peter　loves　me；　not　as　a　girlfriend；　but　as　a　friend。　his　affection　grows　day　by　day；　but　some　mysterious　force　is　holding　us　back；　and　i　dont　know　what　it　is。
sometimes　i　think　my　terrible　longing　for　him　was　overexaggerated。　but　thats　not　true；　because　if　im　unable　to　go　to　his　room　for　a　day　or　two；　i　long　for　him　as　desperately　as　i　ever　did。　peter　is　kind　and　good；　and　yet　i　cant　deny　that　hes　disappointed　me　in　many　ways。　i　especially　dont　care　for　his　dislike　of　religion；　his　table　conversations　and　various　things　of　that　nature。　still；　im　firmly　convinced　that　well　stick　to　our　agreement　never　to　quarrel。　peter　is　peace…loving；　tolerant　and　extremely　easygoing。　he　lets　me　say　a　lot　of　things　to　him　that　hed　never　accept　from　his　mother。　hes　making　a　determined　effort　to　remove　the　blots　from　his　copybook　and　keep　his　affairs　in　order。　yet　why　does　he　hide　his　innermost　self　and　never　allow　me　access？　of　course；　hes　much　more　closed　than　i　am；　but　i　know　from　experience