《No Country for Old Men》第51章

why　me？
i　aint　got　a　shirt　to　cover　it　with。　go　on。　hurry。
he　climbed　the　three　wooden　steps　to　the　porch　and　tapped　loosely　at　the　door with　the　back　of　his　hand。　he　took　off　his　hat　and　pressed　his　shirtsleeve　against　his forehead　and　put　his　hat　back　on　again。
e　in；　a　voice　called。
he　opened　the　door　and　stepped　into　the　cool　darkness。　ellis？
im　back　here。　e　on　back。
he　walked　through　to　the　kitchen。　the　old　man　was　sitting　beside　the　table　in　his　chair。
the　room　smelled　of　old　bacon…grease　and　stale　woodsmoke　from　the　stove　and　over　it all　lay　a　faint　tang　of　urine。　like　the　smell　of　cats　but　it　wasnt　just　cats。　bell　stood　in　the doorway　and　took　his　hat　off。　the　old　man　looked　up　at　him。　one　clouded　eye　from　a cholla　spine　where　a　horse　had　thrown　him　years　ago。　hey；　ed　tom；　he　said。　i　didnt know　who　that　was。
how　are　you　makin　it？
youre　lookin　at　it。　you　by　yourself？
yessir。
set　down。　you　want　some　coffee？
bell　looked　at　the　clutter　on　the　checked　oilcloth。　bottles　of　medicine。　breadcrumbs。
quarterhorse　magazines。　thank　you　no；　he　said。　i　appreciate　it。
i　had　a　letter　from　your　wife。
you　can　call　her　loretta。
i　know　i　can。　did　you　know　she　writes　me？
i　guess　i　knew　shed　wrote　you　a　time　or　two。
its　more　than　a　time　or　two。　she　writes　pretty　regular。　tells　me　the　family　news。
i　didnt　know　there　was　any。
you　might　be　surprised。
so　what　was　special　about　this　letter　then。
she　just　told　me　you　was　quittin；　thats　all。　set　down。
the　old　man　didnt　watch　to　see　if　he　would　or　he　wouldnt。　he　fell　to　rolling　himself　a cigarette　from　a　sack　of　tobacco　at　his　elbow。　he　twisted　the　end　in　his　mouth　and turned　it　around　and　lit　it　with　an　old　zippo　lighter　worn　through　to　the　brass。　he　sat smoking；　holding　the　cigarette　pencilwise　in　his　fingers。
are　you　all　right？　bell　said。
im　all　right。
he　wheeled　the　chair　slightly　sideways　and　watched　bell　through　the　smoke。　i　got　to say　you　look　older；　he　said。
i　am　older。
the　old　man　nodded。　bell　had　pulled　out　a　chair　and　sat　and　he　put　his　hat　on　the　table。
let　me　ask　you　somethin；　he　said。
all　right。
whats　your　biggest　regret　in　life。
the　old　man　looked　at　him；　gauging　the　question。　i　dont　know；　he　said。　i　aint　got　all　that many　regrets。　i　could　imagine　lots　of　things　that　you　might　think　would　make　a　man happier。　i　reckon　bein　able　to　walk　around　might　be　one。　you　can　make　up　your　own list。　you　might　even　have　one。　i　think　by　the　time　youre　grown　youre　as　happy　as youre　goin　to　be。　youll　have　good　times　and　bad　times；　but　in　the　end　youll　be　about as　happy　as　you　was　before。　or　as　unhappy。　ive　knowed　people　that　just　never　did　get the　hang　of　it。
i　know　what　you　mean。
i　know　you　do。
the　old　man　smoked。　if　what　youre　askin　me　is　what　made　me　the　unhappiest　then　i think　you　already　know　that。
yessir。
and　it　aint　this　chair。　and　it　aint　this　cotton　eye。
yessir。　i　know　that。
you　sign　on　for　the　ride　you　probably　think　you　got　at　least　some　notion　of　where　the rides　goin。　but　you　might　not。　or　you　might　of　been　lied　to。　probably　nobody　would blame　you　then。　if　you　quit。　but　if　its　just　that　it　turned　out　to　be　a　little　roughern　what you　had　in　mind。　well。　thats　somethin　else。
bell　nodded。
i　guess　some　things　are　better　not　put　to　the　test。
i　guess　thats　right。
what　would　it　take　to　run　loretta　off？
i　dont　know。　i　guess　id　have　to　do　somethin　that　was　pretty　bad。　it　damn　sure　wouldnt be　just　cause　things　got　a　little　rough。　shes　done　been　there　a　time　or　two。
ellis　nodded。　he　tipped　the　ash　from　his　smoke　into　a　jar…lid　on　the　table。　ill　take　your word　on　that；　he　said。
bell　smiled。　he　looked　around。　how　fresh　is　that　coffee？
i　think　its　all　right。　i　generally　make　a　fresh　pot　here　ever　week　even　if　there　is　some left　over。
bell　smiled　again　and　rose　and　carried　the　pot　to　the　counter　and　plugged　it　in。
they　sat　at　the　table　drinking　coffee　out　of　the　same　crazed　porcelain　cups　that　had　been in　that　house　since　before　he　was　born。　bell　looked　at　the　cup　and　he　looked　around　the kitchen。　well；　he　said。　some　things　dont　change；　i　reckon。
what　would　that　be？　the　old　man　said。
hell；　i　dont　know。
i　dont　either。
how　many　cats　you　got？
several。　depends　on　what　you　mean　by　got。　some　of　em　are　half　wild　and　the　rest　are just　outlaws。　they　run　out　the　door　when　they　heard　your　truck。
did　you　hear　the　truck？
hows　that？
i　said　did　you…　youre　havin　a　little　fun　with　me。
what　give　you　that　idea？
did　you？
no。　i　seen　the　cats　skedaddle。
you　want　some　more　of　this？
im　done。
the　man　that　shot　you　died　in　prison。
in　angola。　yes。
what　would　you　of　done　if　hed　been　released？
i　dont　know。　nothin。　there　wouldnt　be　no　point　to　it。　there　aint　no　point　to　it。　not　to any　of　it。
im　kindly　surprised　to　hear　you　say　that。
you　wear　out；　ed　tom。　all　the　time　you　spend　tryin　to　get　back　whats　been　took　from you　theres　more　goin　out　the　door。　after　a　while　you　just　try　and　get　a　tourniquet　on　it。
your　grandad　never　asked　me　to　sign　on　as　deputy　with　him。　i　done　that　my　own　self。
hell；　i　didnt　have　nothin　else　to　do。　paid　about　the　same　as　cowboyin。　anyway；　you never　know　what　worse　luck　your　bad　luck　has　saved　you　from。　i　was　too　young　for　one war　and　too　old　for　the　next　one。　but　i　seen　what　e　out　of　it。　you　can　be　patriotic and　still　believe　that　some　things　cost　more　than　what　theyre　worth。　ask　them　gold star　mothers　what　they　paid　and　what　they　got　for　it。　you　always　pay　too　much。
particularly　for　promises。　there　aint　no　such　thing　as　a　bargain　promise。　youll　see。
maybe　you　done　have。
bell　didnt　answer。
i　always　thought　when　i　got　older　that　god　would　sort　of　e　into　my　life　in　some way。　he　didnt。　i　dont　blame　him。　if　i　was　him　id　have　the　same　opinion　about　me　that he　does。
you　dont　know　what　he　thinks。
yes　i　do。
he　looked　at　bell。　i　can　remember　one　time　you　e　to　see　me　after　you　all　had moved　to　denton。　you　walked　in　and　you　looked　around　and　you　asked　me　what　i intended　to　do。
all　right。
you　wouldnt　ask　me　now　though；　would　you？
maybe　not。
you　wo