《Jane Eyre》第116章

ld　prehend　my　scholars　and　their　nature。　wholly　untaught；　with　faculties　quite　torpid；　they　seemed　to　me　hopelessly　dull；　and；　at　first　sight；　all　dull　alike：　but　i　soon　found　i　was　mistaken。　there　was　a　difference　amongst　them　as　amongst　the　educated；　and　when　i　got　to　know　them；　and　they　me；　this　difference　rapidly　developed　itself。　their　amazement　at　me；　my　language；　my　rules；　and　ways；　once　subsided；　i　found　some　of　these　heavy…looking；　gaping　rustics　wake　up　into　sharp…witted　girls　enough。　many　showed　themselves　obliging；　and　amiable　too；　and　i　discovered　amongst　them　not　a　few　examples　of　natural　politeness；　and　innate　self…respect；　as　well　as　of　excellent　capacity；　that　won　both　my　goodwill　and　my　admiration。　these　soon　took　a　pleasure　in　doing　their　work　well；　in　keeping　their　persons　neat；　in　learning　their　tasks　regularly；　in　acquiring　quiet　and　orderly　manners。　the　rapidity　of　their　progress；　in　some　instances；　was　even　surprising；　and　an　honest　and　happy　pride　i　took　in　it：　besides；　i　began　personally　to　like　some　of　the　best　girls；　and　they　liked　me。　i　had　amongst　my　scholars　several　farmers’　daughters：　young　women　grown；　almost。　these　could　already　read；　write；　and　sew；　and　to　them　i　taught　the　elements　of　grammar；　geography；　history；　and　the　finer　kinds　of　needlework。　i　found　estimable　characters　amongst　them—characters　desirous　of　information　and　disposed　for　improvement—with　whom　i　passed　many　a　pleasant　evening　hour　in　their　own　homes。　their　parents　then　（the　farmer　and　his　wife）　loaded　me　with　attentions。　there　was　an　enjoyment　in　accepting　their　simple　kindness；　and　in　repaying　it　by　a　consideration—a　scrupulous　regard　to　their　feelings—to　which　they　were　not；　perhaps；　at　all　times　accustomed；　and　which　both　charmed　and　benefited　them；　because；　while　it　elevated　them　in　their　own　eyes；　it　made　them　emulous　to　merit　the　deferential　treatment　they　received。
i　felt　i　became　a　favourite　in　the　neighbourhood。　whenever　i　went　out；　i　heard　on　all　sides　cordial　salutations；　and　was　weled　with　friendly　smiles。　to　live　amidst　general　regard；　though　it　be　but　the　regard　of　working　people；　is　like　“sitting　in　sunshine；　calm　and　sweet；”　serene　inward　feelings　bud　and　bloom　under　the　ray。　at　this　period　of　my　life；　my　heart　far　oftener　swelled　with　thankfulness　than　sank　with　dejection：　and　yet；　reader；　to　tell　you　all；　in　the　midst　of　this　calm；　this　useful　existence—after　a　day　passed　in　honourable　exertion　amongst　my　scholars；　an　evening　spent　in　drawing　or　reading　contentedly　alone—i　used　to　rush　into　strange　dreams　at　night：　dreams　many…coloured；　agitated；　full　of　the　ideal；　the　stirring；　the　stormy—dreams　where；　amidst　unusual　scenes；　charged　with　adventure；　with　agitating　risk　and　romantic　chance；　i　still　again　and　again　met　mr。　rochester；　always　at　some　exciting　crisis；　and　then　the　sense　of　being　in　his　arms；　hearing　his　voice；　meeting　his　eye；　touching　his　hand　and　cheek；　loving　him；　being　loved　by　him—the　hope　of　passing　a　lifetime　at　his　side；　would　be　renewed；　with　all　its　first　force　and　fire。　then　i　awoke。　then　i　recalled　where　i　was；　and　how　situated。　then　i　rose　up　on　my　curtainless　bed；　trembling　and　quivering；　and　then　the　still；　dark　night　witnessed　the　convulsion　of　despair；　and　heard　the　burst　of　passion。　by　nine　o’clock　the　next　morning　i　was　punctually　opening　the　school；　tranquil；　settled；　prepared　for　the　steady　duties　of　the　day。
rosamond　oliver　kept　her　word　in　ing　to　visit　me。　her　call　at　the　school　was　generally　made　in　the　course　of　her　morning　ride。　she　would　canter　up　to　the　door　on　her　pony；　followed　by　a　mounted　livery　servant。　anything　more　exquisite　than　her　appearance；　in　her　purple　habit；　with　her　amazon’s　cap　of　black　velvet　placed　gracefully　above　the　long　curls　that　kissed　her　cheek　and　floated　to　her　shoulders；　can　scarcely　be　imagined：　and　it　was　thus　she　would　enter　the　rustic　building；　and　glide　through　the　dazzled　ranks　of　the　village　children。　she　generally　came　at　the　hour　when　mr。　rivers　was　engaged　in　giving　his　daily　catechising　lesson。　keenly；　i　fear；　did　the　eye　of　the　visitress　pierce　the　young　pastor’s　heart。　a　sort　of　instinct　seemed　to　warn　him　of　her　entrance；　even　when　he　did　not　see　it；　and　when　he　was　looking　quite　away　from　the　door；　if　she　appeared　at　it；　his　cheek　would　glow；　and　his　marble…　seeming　features；　though　they　refused　to　relax；　changed　indescribably；　and　in　their　very　quiescence　became　expressive　of　a　repressed　fervour；　stronger　than　working　muscle　or　darting　glance　could　indicate。
of　course；　she　knew　her　power：　indeed；　he　did　not；　because　he　could　not；　conceal　it　from　her。　in　spite　of　his　christian　stoicism；　when　she　went　up　and　addressed　him；　and　smiled　gaily；　encouragingly；　even　fondly　in　his　face；　his　hand　would　tremble　and　his　eye　burn。　he　seemed　to　say；　with　his　sad　and　resolute　look；　if　he　did　not　say　it　with　his　lips；　“i　love　you；　and　i　know　you　prefer　me。　it　is　not　despair　of　success　that　keeps　me　dumb。　if　i　offered　my　heart；　i　believe　you　would　accept　it。　but　that　heart　is　already　laid　on　a　sacred　altar：　the　fire　is　arranged　round　it。　it　will　soon　be　no　more　than　a　sacrifice　consumed。”
and　then　she　would　pout　like　a　disappointed　child；　a　pensive　cloud　would　soften　her　radiant　vivacity；　she　would　withdraw　her　hand　hastily　from　his；　and　turn　in　transient　petulance　from　his　aspect；　at　once　so　heroic　and　so　martyr…like。　st。　john；　no　doubt；　would　have　given　the　world　to　follow；　recall；　retain　her；　when　she　thus　left　him；　but　he　would　not　give　one　chance　of　heaven；　nor　relinquish；　for　the　elysium　of　her　love；　one　hope　of　the　true；　eternal　paradise。　besides；　he　could　not　bind　all　that　he　had　in　his　nature—the　rover；　the　aspirant；　the　poet；　the　priest—in　the　limits　of　a　single　passion。　he　could　not—he　would　not—renounce　his　wild　field　of　mission　warfare　for　the　parlours　and　the　peace　of　vale　hall。　i　learnt　so　much　from　himself　in　an　inroad　i　once；　despite　his　reserve；　had　the　daring　to　make　on　his　confidence。
miss　oliver　already　honoured　me　with　frequent　visits　to　my　cottage。　i　had　learnt　her　whole　character；　which　was　without　mystery　or　disguise：　she　was　coquettish　but　not　heartless；　exacting；　but　not　worthle