《Jane Eyre》第121章

sisterly　society；　and　the　selfish　calm　and　sensual　fort　of　civilised　affluence。　i　hope　your　energies　will　then　once　more　trouble　you　with　their　strength。”
i　looked　at　him　with　surprise。　“st。　john；”　i　said；　“i　think　you　are　almost　wicked　to　talk　so。　i　am　disposed　to　be　as　content　as　a　queen；　and　you　try　to　stir　me　up　to　restlessness！　to　what　end？”
“to　the　end　of　turning　to　profit　the　talents　which　god　has　mitted　to　your　keeping；　and　of　which　he　will　surely　one　day　demand　a　strict　account。　jane；　i　shall　watch　you　closely　and　anxiously—i　warn　you　of　that。　and　try　to　restrain　the　disproportionate　fervour　with　which　you　throw　yourself　into　monplace　home　pleasures。　don’t　cling　so　tenaciously　to　ties　of　the　flesh；　save　your　constancy　and　ardour　for　an　adequate　cause；　forbear　to　waste　them　on　trite　transient　objects。　do　you　hear；　jane？”
“yes；　just　as　if　you　were　speaking　greek。　i　feel　i　have　adequate　cause　to　be　happy；　and　i　will　be　happy。　goodbye！”
happy　at　moor　house　i　was；　and　hard　i　worked；　and　so　did　hannah：　she　was　charmed　to　see　how　jovial　i　could　be　amidst　the　bustle　of　a　house　turned　topsy…turvy—how　i　could　brush；　and　dust；　and　clean；　and　cook。　and　really；　after　a　day　or　two　of　confusion　worse　confounded；　it　was　delightful　by　degrees　to　invoke　order　from　the　chaos　ourselves　had　made。　i　had　previously　taken　a　journey　to　s…　to　purchase　some　new　furniture：　my　cousins　having　given　me　carte　blanche　to　effect　what　alterations　i　pleased；　and　a　sum　having　been　set　aside　for　that　purpose。　the　ordinary　sitting…room　and　bedrooms　i　left　much　as　they　were：　for　i　knew　diana　and　mary　would　derive　more　pleasure　from　seeing　again　the　old　homely　tables；　and　chairs；　and　beds；　than　from　the　spectacle　of　the　smartest　innovations。　still　some　novelty　was　necessary；　to　give　to　their　return　the　piquancy　with　which　i　wished　it　to　be　invested。　dark　handsome　new　carpets　and　curtains；　an　arrangement　of　some　carefully　selected　antique　ornaments　in　porcelain　and　bronze；　new　coverings；　and　mirrors；　and　dressing…cases；　for　the　toilet　tables；　answered　the　end：　they　looked　fresh　without　being　glaring。　a　spare　parlour　and　bedroom　i　refurnished　entirely；　with　old　mahogany　and　crimson　upholstery：　i　laid　canvas　on　the　passage；　and　carpets　on　the　stairs。　when　all　was　finished；　i　thought　moor　house　as　plete　a　model　of　bright　modest　snugness　within；　as　it　was；　at　this　season；　a　specimen　of　wintry　waste　and　desert　dreariness　without。
the　eventful　thursday　at　length　came。　they　were　expected　about　dark；　and　ere　dusk　fires　were　lit　upstairs　and　below；　the　kitchen　was　in　perfect　trim；　hannah　and　i　were　dressed；　and　all　was　in　readiness。
st。　john　arrived　first。　i　had　entreated　him　to　keep　quite　clear　of　the　house　till　everything　was　arranged：　and；　indeed；　the　bare　idea　of　the　motion；　at　once　sordid　and　trivial；　going　on　within　its　walls　sufficed　to　scare　him　to　estrangement。　he　found　me　in　the　kitchen；　watching　the　progress　of　certain　cakes　for　tea；　then　baking。　approaching　the　hearth；　he　asked；　“if　i　was　at　last　satisfied　with　housemaid’s　work？”　i　answered　by　inviting　him　to　acpany　me　on　a　general　inspection　of　the　result　of　my　labours。　with　some　difficulty；　i　got　him　to　make　the　tour　of　the　house。　he　just　looked　in　at　the　doors　i　opened；　and　when　he　had　wandered　upstairs　and　downstairs；　he　said　i　must　have　gone　through　a　great　deal　of　fatigue　and　trouble　to　have　effected　such　considerable　changes　in　so　short　a　time：　but　not　a　syllable　did　he　utter　indicating　pleasure　in　the　improved　aspect　of　his　abode。
this　silence　damped　me。　i　thought　perhaps　the　alterations　had　disturbed　some　old　associations　he　valued。　i　inquired　whether　this　was　the　case：　no　doubt　in　a　somewhat　crest…fallen　tone。
“not　at　all；　he　had；　on　the　contrary；　remarked　that　i　had　scrupulously　respected　every　association：　he　feared；　indeed；　i　must　have　bestowed　more　thought　on　the　matter　than　it　was　worth。　how　many　minutes；　for　instance；　had　i　devoted　to　studying　the　arrangement　of　this　very　room？—by…the…bye；　could　i　tell　him　where　such　a　book　was？”
i　showed　him　the　volume　on　the　shelf：　he　took　it　down；　and　withdrawing　to　his　accustomed　window　recess；　he　began　to　read　it。
now；　i　did　not　like　this；　reader。　st。　john　was　a　good　man；　but　i　began　to　feel　he　had　spoken　truth　of　himself　when　he　said　he　was　hard　and　cold。　the　humanities　and　amenities　of　life　had　no　attraction　for　him—its　peaceful　enjoyments　no　charm。　literally；　he　lived　only　to　aspire—after　what　was　good　and　great；　certainly；　but　still　he　would　never　rest；　nor　approve　of　others　resting　round　him。　as　i　looked　at　his　lofty　forehead；　still　and　pale　as　a　white　stone—　at　his　fine　lineaments　fixed　in　study—i　prehended　all　at　once　that　he　would　hardly　make　a　good　husband：　that　it　would　be　a　trying　thing　to　be　his　wife。　i　understood；　as　by　inspiration；　the　nature　of　his　love　for　miss　oliver；　i　agreed　with　him　that　it　was　but　a　love　of　the　senses。　i　prehended　how　he　should　despise　himself　for　the　feverish　influence　it　exercised　over　him；　how　he　should　wish　to　stifle　and　destroy　it；　how　he　should　mistrust　its　ever　conducting　permanently　to　his　happiness　or　hers。　i　saw　he　was　of　the　material　from　which　nature　hews　her　heroes—christian　and　pagan—her　lawgivers；　her　statesmen；　her　conquerors：　a　steadfast　bulwark　for　great　interests　to　rest　upon；　but；　at　the　fireside；　too　often　a　cold　cumbrous　column；　gloomy　and　out　of　place。
“this　parlour　is　not　his　sphere；”　i　reflected：　“the　himalayan　ridge　or　caffre　bush；　even　the　plague…cursed　guinea　coast　swamp　would　suit　him　better。　well　may　he　eschew　the　calm　of　domestic　life；　it　is　not　his　element：　there　his　faculties　stagnate—they　cannot　develop　or　appear　to　advantage。　it　is　in　scenes　of　strife　and　danger—where　courage　is　proved；　and　energy　exercised；　and　fortitude　tasked—that　he　will　speak　and　move；　the　leader　and　superior。　a　merry　child　would　have　the　advantage　of　him　on　this　hearth。　he　is　right　to　choose　a　missionary’s　career—i　see　it　now。”
“they　are　ing！　they　are　ing！”　cried　hannah；　throwing　open　the　parlour　door。　at　the　same　moment　old　carlo　barked　joyfully。　out　i　ran。　it　was　now　dark；　but　a　rumbling　of　wheels　was　audible。　hannah　soon　had　a　lantern