《Jane Eyre》第128章

“i　scorn　your　idea　of　love；”　i　could　not　help　saying；　as　i　rose　up　and　stood　before　him；　leaning　my　back　against　the　rock。　“i　scorn　the　counterfeit　sentiment　you　offer：　yes；　st。　john；　and　i　scorn　you　when　you　offer　it。”
he　looked　at　me　fixedly；　pressing　his　well…cut　lips　while　he　did　so。　whether　he　was　incensed　or　surprised；　or　what；　it　was　not　easy　to　tell：　he　could　mand　his　countenance　thoroughly。
“i　scarcely　expected　to　hear　that　expression　from　you；”　he　said：　“i　think　i　have　done　and　uttered　nothing　to　deserve　scorn。”
i　was　touched　by　his　gentle　tone；　and　overawed　by　his　high；　calm　mien。
“forgive　me　the　words；　st。　john；　but　it　is　your　own　fault　that　i　have　been　roused　to　speak　so　unguardedly。　you　have　introduced　a　topic　on　which　our　natures　are　at　variance—a　topic　we　should　never　discuss：　the　very　name　of　love　is　an　apple　of　discord　between　us。　if　the　reality　were　required；　what　should　we　do？　how　should　we　feel？　my　dear　cousin；　abandon　your　scheme　of　marriage—forget　it。”
“no；”　said　he；　“it　is　a　long…cherished　scheme；　and　the　only　one　which　can　secure　my　great　end：　but　i　shall　urge　you　no　further　at　present。　to…morrow；　i　leave　home　for　cambridge：　i　have　many　friends　there　to　whom　i　should　wish　to　say　farewell。　i　shall　be　absent　a　fortnight—take　that　space　of　time　to　consider　my　offer：　and　do　not　forget　that　if　you　reject　it；　it　is　not　me　you　deny；　but　god。　through　my　means；　he　opens　to　you　a　noble　career；　as　my　wife　only　can　you　enter　upon　it。　refuse　to　be　my　wife；　and　you　limit　yourself　for　ever　to　a　track　of　selfish　ease　and　barren　obscurity。　tremble　lest　in　that　case　you　should　be　numbered　with　those　who　have　denied　the　faith；　and　are　worse　than　infidels！”
he　had　done。　turning　from　me；　he　once　more
“looked　to　river；　looked　to　hill。”
but　this　time　his　feelings　were　all　pent　in　his　heart：　i　was　not　worthy　to　hear　them　uttered。　as　i　walked　by　his　side　homeward；　i　read　well　in　his　iron　silence　all　he　felt　towards　me：　the　disappointment　of　an　austere　and　despotic　nature；　which　has　met　resistance　where　it　expected　submission—the　disapprobation　of　a　cool；　inflexible　judgment；　which　has　detected　in　another　feelings　and　views　in　which　it　has　no　power　to　sympathise：　in　short；　as　a　man；　he　would　have　wished　to　coerce　me　into　obedience：　it　was　only　as　a　sincere　christian　he　bore　so　patiently　with　my　perversity；　and　allowed　so　long　a　space　for　reflection　and　repentance。
that　night；　after　he　had　kissed　his　sisters；　he　thought　proper　to　forget　even　to　shake　hands　with　me；　but　left　the　room　in　silence。　i—who；　though　i　had　no　love；　had　much　friendship　for　him—was　hurt　by　the　marked　omission：　so　much　hurt　that　tears　started　to　my　eyes。
“i　see　you　and　st。　john　have　been　quarrelling；　jane；”　said　diana；　“during　your　walk　on　the　moor。　but　go　after　him；　he　is　now　lingering　in　the　passage　expecting　you—he　will　make　it　up。”
i　have　not　much　pride　under　such　circumstances：　i　would　always　rather　be　happy　than　dignified；　and　i　ran　after　him—he　stood　at　the　foot　of　the　stairs。
“good…night；　st。　john；”　said　i。
“good…night；　jane；”　he　replied　calmly。
“then　shake　hands；”　i　added。
what　a　cold；　loose　touch；　he　impressed　on　my　fingers！　he　was　deeply　displeased　by　what　had　occurred　that　day；　cordiality　would　not　warm；　nor　tears　move　him。　no　happy　reconciliation　was　to　be　had　with　him—no　cheering　smile　or　generous　word：　but　still　the　christian　was　patient　and　placid；　and　when　i　asked　him　if　he　forgave　me；　he　answered　that　he　was　not　in　the　habit　of　cherishing　the　remembrance　of　vexation；　that　he　had　nothing　to　forgive；　not　having　been　offended。
and　with　that　answer　he　left　me。　i　would　much　rather　he　had　knocked　me　down。
xs
Chapter　34
生
when　mr。　st。　john　went；　it　was　beginning　to　snow；　the　whirling　storm　continued　all　night。　the　next　day　a　keen　wind　brought　fresh　and　blinding　falls；　by　twilight　the　valley　was　drifted　up　and　almost　impassable。　i　had　closed　my　shutter；　laid　a　mat　to　the　door　to　prevent　the　snow　from　blowing　in　under　it；　trimmed　my　fire；　and　after　sitting　nearly　an　hour　on　the　hearth　listening　to　the　muffled　fury　of　the　tempest；　i　lit　a　candle；　took　down　“marmion；”　and　beginning—
“day　set　on　norham’s　castled　steep；
and　tweed’s　fair　river　broad　and　deep；
and　cheviot’s　mountains　lone；
the　massive　towers；　the　donjon　keep；
the　flanking　walls　that　round　them　sweep；
in　yellow　lustre　shone”—
i　soon　forgot　storm　in　music。
i　heard　a　noise：　the　wind；　i　thought；　shook　the　door。　no；　it　was　st。　john　rivers；　who；　lifting　the　latch；　came　in　out　of　the　frozen　hurricane—the　howling　darkness—and　stood　before　me：　the　cloak　that　covered　his　tall　figure　all　white　as　a　glacier。　i　was　almost　in　consternation；　so　little　had　i　expected　any　guest　from　the　blocked…up　vale　that　night。
“any　ill　news？”　i　demanded。　“has　anything　happened？”
“no。　how　very　easily　alarmed　you　are？”　he　answered；　removing　his　cloak　and　hanging　it　up　against　the　door；　towards　which　he　again　coolly　pushed　the　mat　which　his　entrance　had　deranged。　he　stamped　the　snow　from　his　boots。
“i　shall　sully　the　purity　of　your　floor；”　said　he；　“but　you　must　excuse　me　for　once。”　then　he　approached　the　fire。　“i　have　had　hard　work　to　get　here；　i　assure　you；”　he　observed；　as　he　warmed　his　hands　over　the　flame。　“one　drift　took　me　up　to　the　waist；　happily　the　snow　is　quite　soft　yet。”
“but　why　are　you　e？”　i　could　not　forbear　saying。
“rather　an　inhospitable　question　to　put　to　a　visitor；　but　since　you　ask　it；　i　answer　simply　to　have　a　little　talk　with　you；　i　got　tired　of　my　mute　books　and　empty　rooms。　besides；　since　yesterday　i　have　experienced　the　excitement　of　a　person　to　whom　a　tale　has　been　half…　told；　and　who　is　impatient　to　hear　the　sequel。”
he　sat　down。　i　recalled　his　singular　conduct　of　yesterday；　and　really　i　began　to　fear　his　wits　were　touched。　if　he　were　insane；　however；　his　was　a　very　cool　and　collected　insanity：　i　had　never　seen　that　handsome…featured　face　of　his　look　more　like　chiselled　marble　than　it　did　just　now；　as　he　put　aside　his　snow…wet　hair　from　his　forehead　and　let　the　firelight　shine　free　on　his　pale　brow　and　cheek　as　pale；　where