《Jane Eyre》第131章

“no；　that　does　not　satisfy　me！”　i　exclaimed：　and　indeed　there　was　something　in　the　hasty　and　unexplanatory　reply　which；　instead　of　allaying；　piqued　my　curiosity　more　than　ever。
“it　is　a　very　strange　piece　of　business；”　i　added；　“i　must　know　more　about　it。”
“another　time。”
“no；　to…night！—to…night！”　and　as　he　turned　from　the　door；　i　placed　myself　between　it　and　him。　he　looked　rather　embarrassed。
“you　certainly　shall　not　go　till　you　have　told　me　all；”　i　said。
“i　would　rather　not　just　now。”
“you　shall！—you　must！”
“i　would　rather　diana　or　mary　informed　you。”
of　course　these　objections　wrought　my　eagerness　to　a　climax：　gratified　it　must　be；　and　that　without　delay；　and　i　told　him　so。
“but　i　apprised　you　that　i　was　a　hard　man；”　said　he；　“difficult　to　persuade。”
“and　i　am　a　hard　woman；—impossible　to　put　off。”
“and　then；”　he　pursued；　“i　am　cold：　no　fervour　infects　me。”
“whereas　i　am　hot；　and　fire　dissolves　ice。　the　blaze　there　has　thawed　all　the　snow　from　your　cloak；　by　the　same　token；　it　has　streamed　on　to　my　floor；　and　made　it　like　a　trampled　street。　as　you　hope　ever　to　be　forgiven；　mr。　rivers；　the　high　crime　and　misdemeanour　of　spoiling　a　sanded　kitchen；　tell　me　what　i　wish　to　know。”
“well；　then；”　he　said；　“i　yield；　if　not　to　your　earnestness；　to　your　perseverance：　as　stone　is　worn　by　continual　dropping。　besides；　you　must　know　some　day；—as　well　now　as　later。　your　name　is　jane　eyre？”
“of　course：　that　was　all　settled　before。”
“you　are　not；　perhaps；　aware　that　i　am　your　namesake？—that　i　was　christened　st。　john　eyre　rivers？”
“no；　indeed！　i　remember　now　seeing　the　letter　e。　prised　in　your　initials　written　in　books　you　have　at　different　times　lent　me；　but　i　never　asked　for　what　name　it　stood。　but　what　then？　surely—”
i　stopped：　i　could　not　trust　myself　to　entertain；　much　less　to　express；　the　thought　that　rushed　upon　me—that　embodied　itself；—　that；　in　a　second；　stood　out　a　strong；　solid　probability。　circumstances　knit　themselves；　fitted　themselves；　shot　into　order：　the　chain　that　had　been　lying　hitherto　a　formless　lump　of　links　was　drawn　out　straight；—every　ring　was　perfect；　the　connection　plete。　i　knew；　by　instinct；　how　the　matter　stood；　before　st。　john　had　said　another　word；　but　i　cannot　expect　the　reader　to　have　the　same　intuitive　perception；　so　i　must　repeat　his　explanation。
“my　mother’s　name　was　eyre；　she　had　two　brothers；　one　a　clergyman；　who　married　miss　jane　reed；　of　gateshead；　the　other；　john　eyre；　esq。；　merchant；　late　of　funchal；　madeira。　mr。　briggs；　being　mr。　eyre’s　solicitor；　wrote　to　us　last　august　to　inform　us　of　our　uncle’s　death；　and　to　say　that　he　had　left　his　property　to　his　brother　the　clergyman’s　orphan　daughter；　overlooking　us；　in　consequence　of　a　quarrel；　never　forgiven；　between　him　and　my　father。　he　wrote　again　a　few　weeks　since；　to　intimate　that　the　heiress　was　lost；　and　asking　if　we　knew　anything　of　her。　a　name　casually　written　on　a　slip　of　paper　has　enabled　me　to　find　her　out。　you　know　the　rest。”　again　he　was　going；　but　i　set　my　back　against　the　door。
“do　let　me　speak；”　i　said；　“let　me　have　one　moment　to　draw　breath　and　reflect。”　i　paused—he　stood　before　me；　hat　in　hand；　looking　posed　enough。　i　resumed—
“your　mother　was　my　father’s　sister？”
“yes。”
“my　aunt；　consequently？”
he　bowed。
“my　uncle　john　was　your　uncle　john？　you；　diana；　and　mary　are　his　sister’s　children；　as　i　am　his　brother’s　child？”
“undeniably。”
“you　three；　then；　are　my　cousins；　half　our　blood　on　each　side　flows　from　the　same　source？”
“we　are　cousins；　yes。”
i　surveyed　him。　it　seemed　i　had　found　a　brother：　one　i　could　be　proud　of；—one　i　could　love；　and　two　sisters；　whose　qualities　were　such；　that；　when　i　knew　them　but　as　mere　strangers；　they　had　inspired　me　with　genuine　affection　and　admiration。　the　two　girls；　on　whom；　kneeling　down　on　the　wet　ground；　and　looking　through　the　low；　latticed　window　of　moor　house　kitchen；　i　had　gazed　with　so　bitter　a　mixture　of　interest　and　despair；　were　my　near　kinswomen；　and　the　young　and　stately　gentleman　who　had　found　me　almost　dying　at　his　threshold　was　my　blood　relation。　glorious　discovery　to　a　lonely　wretch！　this　was　wealth　indeed！—wealth　to　the　heart！—a　mine　of　pure；　genial　affections。　this　was　a　blessing；　bright；　vivid；　and　exhilarating；—not　like　the　ponderous　gift　of　gold：　rich　and　wele　enough　in　its　way；　but　sobering　from　its　weight。　i　now　clapped　my　hands　in　sudden　joy—my　pulse　bounded；　my　veins　thrilled。
“oh；　i　am　glad！—i　am　glad！”　i　exclaimed。
st。　john　smiled。　“did　i　not　say　you　neglected　essential　points　to　pursue　trifles？”　he　asked。　“you　were　serious　when　i　told　you　you　had　got　a　fortune；　and　now；　for　a　matter　of　no　moment；　you　are　excited。”
“what　can　you　mean？　it　may　be　of　no　moment　to　you；　you　have　sisters　and　don’t　care　for　a　cousin；　but　i　had　nobody；　and　now　three　relations；—or　two；　if　you　don’t　choose　to　be　counted；—are　born　into　my　world　full…grown。　i　say　again；　i　am　glad！”
i　walked　fast　through　the　room：　i　stopped；　half　suffocated　with　the　thoughts　that　rose　faster　than　i　could　receive；　prehend；　settle　them：…　thoughts　of　what　might；　could；　would；　and　should　be；　and　that　ere　long。　i　looked　at　the　blank　wall：　it　seemed　a　sky　thick　with　ascending　stars；—every　one　lit　me　to　a　purpose　or　delight。　those　who　had　saved　my　life；　whom；　till　this　hour；　i　had　loved　barrenly；　i　could　now　benefit。　they　were　under　a　yoke；—i　could　free　them：　they　were　scattered；—i　could　reunite　them：　the　independence；　the　affluence　which　was　mine；　might　be　theirs　too。　were　we　not　four？　twenty　thousand　pounds　shared　equally　would　be　five　thousand　each；　justice—enough　and　to　spare：　justice　would　be　done；—mutual　happiness　secured。　now　the　wealth　did　not　weigh　on　me：　now　it　was　not　a　mere　bequest　of　coin；—it　was　a　legacy　of　life；　hope；　enjoyment。
how　i　looked　while　these　ideas　were　taking　my　spirit　by　storm；　i　cannot　tell；　but　i　perceived　soon　that　mr。　rivers　had　placed　a　chair　behind　me；　and　was　gently　attempting　to　make　me　sit　down　on　it。　he　also　advised　me　to　be　posed；　i　scorned　the　insinuation　of　helplessness　and　distraction；　shook　off