《Jane Eyre》第144章

（i　am　glad　it　is　not　naturally　a　silent　one）：　all　the　sunshine　i　can　feel　is　in　her　presence。”
the　water　stood　in　my　eyes　to　hear　this　avowal　of　his　dependence；　just　as　if　a　royal　eagle；　chained　to　a　perch；　should　be　forced　to　entreat　a　sparrow　to　bee　its　purveyor。　but　i　would　not　be　lachrymose：　i　dashed　off　the　salt　drops；　and　busied　myself　with　preparing　breakfast。
most　of　the　morning　was　spent　in　the　open　air。　i　led　him　out　of　the　wet　and　wild　wood　into　some　cheerful　fields：　i　described　to　him　how　brilliantly　green　they　were；　how　the　flowers　and　hedges　looked　refreshed；　how　sparklingly　blue　was　the　sky。　i　sought　a　seat　for　him　in　a　hidden　and　lovely　spot；　a　dry　stump　of　a　tree；　nor　did　i　refuse　to　let　him；　when　seated；　place　me　on　his　knee。　why　should　i；　when　both　he　and　i　were　happier　near　than　apart？　pilot　lay　beside　us：　all　was　quiet。　he　broke　out　suddenly　while　clasping　me　in　his　arms—
“cruel；　cruel　deserter！　oh；　jane；　what　did　i　feel　when　i　discovered　you　had　fled　from　thornfield；　and　when　i　could　nowhere　find　you；　and；　after　examining　your　apartment；　ascertained　that　you　had　taken　no　money；　nor　anything　which　could　serve　as　an　equivalent！　a　pearl　necklace　i　had　given　you　lay　untouched　in　its　little　casket；　your　trunks　were　left　corded　and　locked　as　they　had　been　prepared　for　the　bridal　tour。　what　could　my　darling　do；　i　asked；　left　destitute　and　penniless？　and　what　did　she　do？　let　me　hear　now。”
thus　urged；　i　began　the　narrative　of　my　experience　for　the　last　year。　i　softened　considerably　what　related　to　the　three　days　of　wandering　and　starvation；　because　to　have　told　him　all　would　have　been　to　inflict　unnecessary　pain：　the　little　i　did　say　lacerated　his　faithful　heart　deeper　than　i　wished。
i　should　not　have　left　him　thus；　he　said；　without　any　means　of　making　my　way：　i　should　have　told　him　my　intention。　i　should　have　confided　in　him：　he　would　never　have　forced　me　to　be　his　mistress。　violent　as　he　had　seemed　in　his　despair；　he；　in　truth；　loved　me　far　too　well　and　too　tenderly　to　constitute　himself　my　tyrant：　he　would　have　given　me　half　his　fortune；　without　demanding　so　much　as　a　kiss　in　return；　rather　than　i　should　have　flung　myself　friendless　on　the　wide　world。　i　had　endured；　he　was　certain；　more　than　i　had　confessed　to　him。
“well；　whatever　my　sufferings　had　been；　they　were　very　short；”　i　answered：　and　then　i　proceeded　to　tell　him　how　i　had　been　received　at　moor　house；　how　i　had　obtained　the　office　of　schoolmistress；　&c。　the　accession　of　fortune；　the　discovery　of　my　relations；　followed　in　due　order。　of　course；　st。　john　rivers’　name　came　in　frequently　in　the　progress　of　my　tale。　when　i　had　done；　that　name　was　immediately　taken　up。
“this　st。　john；　then；　is　your　cousin？”
“yes。”
“you　have　spoken　of　him　often：　do　you　like　him？”
“he　was　a　very　good　man；　sir；　i　could　not　help　liking　him。”
“a　good　man。　does　that　mean　a　respectable　well…conducted　man　of　fifty？　or　what　does　it　mean？”
“st　john　was　only　twenty…nine；　sir。”
“‘jeune　encore；’　as　the　french　say。　is　he　a　person　of　low　stature；　phlegmatic；　and　plain。　a　person　whose　goodness　consists　rather　in　his　guiltlessness　of　vice；　than　in　his　prowess　in　virtue。”
“he　is　untiringly　active。　great　and　exalted　deeds　are　what　he　lives　to　perform。”
“but　his　brain？　that　is　probably　rather　soft？　he　means　well：　but　you　shrug　your　shoulders　to　hear　him　talk？”
“he　talks　little；　sir：　what　he　does　say　is　ever　to　the　point。　his　brain　is　first…rate；　i　should　think　not　impressible；　but　vigorous。”
“is　he　an　able　man；　then？”
“truly　able。”
“a　thoroughly　educated　man？”
“st。　john　is　an　acplished　and　profound　scholar。”
“his　manners；　i　think；　you　said　are　not　to　your　taste？—priggish　and　parsonic？”
“i　never　mentioned　his　manners；　but；　unless　i　had　a　very　bad　taste；　they　must　suit　it；　they　are　polished；　calm；　and　gentlemanlike。”
“his　appearance；—i　forget　what　description　you　gave　of　his　appearance；—a　sort　of　raw　curate；　half　strangled　with　his　white　neckcloth；　and　stilted　up　on　his　thick…soled　high…lows；　eh？”
“st。　john　dresses　well。　he　is　a　handsome　man：　tall；　fair；　with　blue　eyes；　and　a　grecian　profile。”
（aside。）　“damn　him！”—（to　me。）　“did　you　like　him；　jane？”
“yes；　mr。　rochester；　i　liked　him：　but　you　asked　me　that　before。”
i　perceived；　of　course；　the　drift　of　my　interlocutor。　jealousy　had　got　hold　of　him：　she　stung　him；　but　the　sting　was　salutary：　it　gave　him　respite　from　the　gnawing　fang　of　melancholy。　i　would　not；　therefore；　immediately　charm　the　snake。
“perhaps　you　would　rather　not　sit　any　longer　on　my　knee；　miss　eyre？”　was　the　next　somewhat　unexpected　observation。
“why　not；　mr。　rochester？”
“the　picture　you　have　just　drawn　is　suggestive　of　a　rather　too　overwhelming　contrast。　your　words　have　delineated　very　prettily　a　graceful　apollo：　he　is　present　to　your　imagination；—tall；　fair；　blue…eyed；　and　with　a　grecian　profile。　your　eyes　dwell　on　a　vulcan；—a　real　blacksmith；　brown；　broad…shouldered：　and　blind　and　lame　into　the　bargain。”
“i　never　thought　of　it；　before；　but　you　certainly　are　rather　like　vulcan；　sir。”
“well；　you　can　leave　me；　ma’am：　but　before　you　go”　（and　he　retained　me　by　a　firmer　grasp　than　ever）；　“you　will　be　pleased　just　to　answer　me　a　question　or　two。”　he　paused。
“what　questions；　mr。　rochester？”
then　followed　this　cross…examination。
“st。　john　made　you　schoolmistress　of　morton　before　he　knew　you　were　his　cousin？”
“yes。”
“you　would　often　see　him？　he　would　visit　the　school　sometimes？”
“daily。”
“he　would　approve　of　your　plans；　jane？　i　know　they　would　be　clever；　for　you　are　a　talented　creature！”
“he　approved　of　them—yes。”
“he　would　discover　many　things　in　you　he　could　not　have　expected　to　find？　some　of　your　acplishments　are　not　ordinary。”
“i　don’t　know　about　that。”
“you　had　a　little　cottage　near　the　school；　you　say：　did　he　ever　e　there　to　see　you？”
“now　and　then？”
“of　an　evening？”
“once　or　twice。”
a　pause。
“how　long　did　you　reside　with　him　and　his　sisters　after　the　cousinship　was　discovered？”
“five　months。”
“did　rivers　spend　much　time　with　the　ladies　o