《Jane Eyre》第146章

when　you　disdained　every　part　but　that　of　the　giver　and　protector。”
“hitherto　i　have　hated　to　be　helped—to　be　led：　henceforth；　i　feel　i　shall　hate　it　no　more。　i　did　not　like　to　put　my　hand　into　a　hireling’s；　but　it　is　pleasant　to　feel　it　circled　by　jane’s　little　fingers。　i　preferred　utter　loneliness　to　the　constant　attendance　of　servants；　but　jane’s　soft　ministry　will　be　a　perpetual　joy。　jane　suits　me：　do　i　suit　her？”
“to　the　finest　fibre　of　my　nature；　sir。”
“the　case　being　so；　we　have　nothing　in　the　world　to　wait　for：　we　must　be　married　instantly。”
he　looked　and　spoke　with　eagerness：　his　old　impetuosity　was　rising。
“we　must　bee　one　flesh　without　any　delay；　jane：　there　is　but　the　licence　to　get—then　we　marry。”
“mr。　rochester；　i　have　just　discovered　the　sun　is　far　declined　from　its　meridian；　and　pilot　is　actually　gone　home　to　his　dinner。　let　me　look　at　your　watch。”
“fasten　it　into　your　girdle；　janet；　and　keep　it　henceforward：　i　have　no　use　for　it。”
“it　is　nearly　four　o’clock　in　the　afternoon；　sir。　don’t　you　feel　hungry？”
“the　third　day　from　this　must　be　our　wedding…day；　jane。　never　mind　fine　clothes　and　jewels；　now：　all　that　is　not　worth　a　fillip。”
“the　sun　has　dried　up　all　the　rain…drops；　sir。　the　breeze　is　still：　it　is　quite　hot。”
“do　you　know；　jane；　i　have　your　little　pearl　necklace　at　this　moment　fastened　round　my　bronze　scrag　under　my　cravat？　i　have　worn　it　since　the　day　i　lost　my　only　treasure；　as　a　memento　of　her。”
“we　will　go　home　through　the　wood：　that　will　be　the　shadiest　way。”
he　pursued　his　own　thoughts　without　heeding　me。
“jane！　you　think　me；　i　daresay；　an　irreligious　dog：　but　my　heart　swells　with　gratitude　to　the　beneficent　god　of　this　earth　just　now。　he　sees　not　as　man　sees；　but　far　clearer：　judges　not　as　man　judges；　but　far　more　wisely。　i　did　wrong：　i　would　have　sullied　my　innocent　flower—breathed　guilt　on　its　purity：　the　omnipotent　snatched　it　from　me。　i；　in　my　stiff…necked　rebellion；　almost　cursed　the　dispensation：　instead　of　bending　to　the　decree；　i　defied　it。　divine　justice　pursued　its　course；　disasters　came　thick　on　me：　i　was　forced　to　pass　through　the　valley　of　the　shadow　of　death。　his　chastisements　are　mighty；　and　one　smote　me　which　has　humbled　me　for　ever。　you　know　i　was　proud　of　my　strength：　but　what　is　it　now；　when　i　must　give　it　over　to　foreign　guidance；　as　a　child　does　its　weakness？　of　late；　jane—only—only　of　late—i　began　to　see　and　acknowledge　the　hand　of　god　in　my　doom。　i　began　to　experience　remorse；　repentance；　the　wish　for　reconcilement　to　my　maker。　i　began　sometimes　to　pray：　very　brief　prayers　they　were；　but　very　sincere。
“some　days　since：　nay；　i　can　number　them—four；　it　was　last　monday　night；　a　singular　mood　came　over　me：　one　in　which　grief　replaced　frenzy—sorrow；　sullenness。　i　had　long　had　the　impression　that　since　i　could　nowhere　find　you；　you　must　be　dead。　late　that　night—　perhaps　it　might　be　between　eleven　and　twelve　o’clock—ere　i　retired　to　my　dreary　rest；　i　supplicated　god；　that；　if　it　seemed　good　to　him；　i　might　soon　be　taken　from　this　life；　and　admitted　to　that　world　to　e；　where　there　was　still　hope　of　rejoining　jane。
“i　was　in　my　own　room；　and　sitting　by　the　window；　which　was　open：　it　soothed　me　to　feel　the　balmy　night…air；　though　i　could　see　no　stars　and　only　by　a　vague；　luminous　haze；　knew　the　presence　of　a　moon。　i　longed　for　thee；　janet！　oh；　i　longed　for　thee　both　with　soul　and　flesh！　i　asked　of　god；　at　once　in　anguish　and　humility；　if　i　had　not　been　long　enough　desolate；　afflicted；　tormented；　and　might　not　soon　taste　bliss　and　peace　once　more。　that　i　merited　all　i　endured；　i　acknowledged—that　i　could　scarcely　endure　more；　i　pleaded；　and　the　alpha　and　omega　of　my　heart’s　wishes　broke　involuntarily　from　my　lips　in　the　words—‘jane！　jane！　jane！’”
“did　you　speak　these　words　aloud？”
“i　did；　jane。　if　any　listener　had　heard　me；　he　would　have　thought　me　mad：　i　pronounced　them　with　such　frantic　energy。”
“and　it　was　last　monday　night；　somewhere　near　midnight？”
“yes；　but　the　time　is　of　no　consequence：　what　followed　is　the　strange　point。　you　will　think　me　superstitious；—some　superstition　i　have　in　my　blood；　and　always　had：　nevertheless；　this　is　true—　true　at　least　it　is　that　i　heard　what　i　now　relate。
“as　i　exclaimed　‘jane！　jane！　jane！’　a　voice—i　cannot　tell　whence　the　voice　came；　but　i　know　whose　voice　it　was—replied；　‘i　am　ing：　wait　for　me；’　and　a　moment　after；　went　whispering　on　the　wind　the　words—‘where　are　you？’
“i’ll　tell　you；　if　i　can；　the　idea；　the　picture　these　words　opened　to　my　mind：　yet　it　is　difficult　to　express　what　i　want　to　express。　ferndean　is　buried；　as　you　see；　in　a　heavy　wood；　where　sound　falls　dull；　and　dies　unreverberating。　‘where　are　you？’　seemed　spoken　amongst　mountains；　for　i　heard　a　hill…sent　echo　repeat　the　words。　cooler　and　fresher　at　the　moment　the　gale　seemed　to　visit　my　brow：　i　could　have　deemed　that　in　some　wild；　lone　scene；　i　and　jane　were　meeting。　in　spirit；　i　believe　we　must　have　met。　you　no　doubt　were；　at　that　hour；　in　unconscious　sleep；　jane：　perhaps　your　soul　wandered　from　its　cell　to　fort　mine；　for　those　were　your　accents—as　certain　as　i　live—they　were　yours！”
reader；　it　was　on　monday　night—near　midnight—that　i　too　had　received　the　mysterious　summons：　those　were　the　very　words　by　which　i　replied　to　it。　i　listened　to　mr。　rochester’s　narrative；　but　made　no　disclosure　in　return。　the　coincidence　struck　me　as　too　awful　and　inexplicable　to　be　municated　or　discussed。　if　i　told　anything；　my　tale　would　be　such　as　must　necessarily　make　a　profound　impression　on　the　mind　of　my　hearer：　and　that　mind；　yet　from　its　sufferings　too　prone　to　gloom；　needed　not　the　deeper　shade　of　the　supernatural。　i　kept　these　things　then；　and　pondered　them　in　my　heart。
“you　cannot　now　wonder；”　continued　my　master；　“that　when　you　rose　upon　me　so　unexpectedly　last　night；　i　had　difficulty　in　believing　you　any　other　than　a　mere　voice　and　vision；　something　that　would　melt　to　silence　and　annihilation；　as　the　midnight　whisper　and　mountain　echo　had　melted　before。　now；　i　thank　god！　i　know　it　to　be　otherwise。　yes；　i　thank　god！”
he　put　me　off　his