《星期一和星期二》第7章

lips　shut；　eyes　shaded；　each　one　of　the　five　doing　something　to　hide　or　stultify　his　knowledge。　one　smokes；　another　reads；　a　third　checks　entries　in　a　pocket　book；　a　fourth　stares　at　the　map　of　the　line　framed　opposite；　and　the　fifth—the　terrible　thing　about　the　fifth　is　that　she　does　nothing　at　all。　she　looks　at　life。　ah；　but　my　poor；　unfortunate　woman；　do　play　the　game—do；　for　all　our　sakes；　conceal　it！
as　if　she　heard　me；　she　looked　up；　shifted　slightly　in　her　seat　and　sighed。　she　seemed　to　apologise　and　at　the　same　time　to　say　to　me；　“if　only　you　knew！”　then　she　looked　at　life　again。　“but　i　do　know；”　i　answered　silently；　glancing　at　the　times　for　manners’　sake。　“i　know　the　whole　business。　‘peace　between　germany　and　the　allied　powers　was　yesterday　officially　ushered　in　at　paris—signor　nitti；　the　italian　prime　minister—a　passenger　train　at　doncaster　was　in　collision　with　a　goods　train。　。　。’　we　all　know—the　times　knows—but　we　pretend　we　don’t。”　my　eyes　had　once　more　crept　over　the　paper’s　rim　she　shuddered；　twitched　her　arm　queerly　to　the　middle　of　her　back　and　shook　her　head。　again　i　dipped　into　my　great　reservoir　of　life。　“take　what　you　like；”　i　continued；　“births；　deaths；　marriages；　court　circular；　the　habits　of　birds；　leonardo　da　vinci；　the　sandhills　murder；　high　wages　and　the　cost　of　living—oh；　take　what　you　like；”　i　repeated；　“it’s　all　in　the　times！”　again　with　infinite　weariness　she　moved　her　head　from　side　to　side　until；　like　a　top　exhausted　with　spinning；　it　settled　on　her　neck。
the　times　was　no　protection　against　such　sorrow　as　hers。　but　other　human　beings　forbade　intercourse。　the　best　thing　to　do　against　life　was　to　fold　the　paper　so　that　it　made　a　perfect　square；　crisp；　thick；　impervious　even　to　life。　this　done；　i　glanced　up　quickly；　armed　with　a　shield　of　my　own。　she　pierced　through　my　shield；　she　gazed　into　my　eyes　as　if　searching　any　sediment　of　courage　at　the　depths　of　them　and　damping　it　to　clay。　her　twitch　alone　denied　all　hope；　discounted　all　illusion。
so　we　rattled　through　surrey　and　across　the　border　into　sussex。　but　with　my　eyes　upon　life　i　did　not　see　that　the　other　travellers　had　left；　one　by　one；　till；　save　for　the　man　who　read；　we　were　alone　together。　here　was　three　bridges　station。　we　drew　slowly　down　the　platform　and　stopped。　was　he　going　to　leave　us？　i　prayed　both　ways—i　prayed　last　that　he　might　stay。　at　that　instant　he　roused　himself；　crumpled　his　paper　contemptuously；　like　a　thing　done　with；　burst　open　the　door；　and　left　us　alone。
the　unhappy　woman；　leaning　a　little　forward；　palely　and　colourlessly　addressed　me—talked　of　stations　and　holidays；　of　brothers　at　eastbourne；　and　the　time　of　year；　which　was；　i　forget　now；　early　or　late。　but　at　last　looking　from　the　window　and　seeing；　i　knew；　only　life；　she　breathed；　“staying　away—that’s　the　drawback　of　it—”　ah；　now　we　approached　the　catastrophe；　“my　sister–in–law”—the　bitterness　of　her　tone　was　like　lemon　on　cold　steel；　and　speaking；　not　to　me；　but　to　herself；　she　muttered；　“nonsense；　she　would　say—that’s　what　they　all　say；”　and　while　she　spoke　she　fidgeted　as　though　the　skin　on　her　back　were　as　a　plucked　fowl’s　in　a　poulterer’s　shop–window。
“oh；　that　cow！”　she　broke　off　nervously；　as　though　the　great　wooden　cow　in　the　meadow　had　shocked　her　and　saved　her　from　some　indiscretion。　then　she　shuddered；　and　then　she　made　the　awkward　angular　movement　that　i　had　seen　before；　as　if；　after　the　spasm；　some　spot　between　the　shoulders　burnt　or　itched。　then　again　she　looked　the　most　unhappy　woman　in　the　world；　and　i　once　more　reproached　her；　though　not　with　the　same　conviction；　for　if　there　were　a　reason；　and　if　i　knew　the　reason；　the　stigma　was　removed　from　life。
“sisters–in–law；”　i　said—
her　lips　pursed　as　if　to　spit　venom　at　the　word；　pursed　they　remained。　all　she　did　was　to　take　her　glove　and　rub　hard　at　a　spot　on　the　window–pane。　she　rubbed　as　if　she　would　rub　something　out　for　ever—some　stain；　some　indelible　contamination。　indeed；　the　spot　remained　for　all　her　rubbing；　and　back　she　sank　with　the　shudder　and　the　clutch　of　the　arm　i　had　e　to　expect。　something　impelled　me　to　take　my　glove　and　rub　my　window。　there；　too；　was　a　little　speck　on　the　glass。　for　all　my　rubbing　it　remained。　and　then　the　spasm　went　through　me　i　crooked　my　arm　and　plucked　at　the　middle　of　my　back。　my　skin；　too；　felt　like　the　damp　chicken’s　skin　in　the　poulterer’s　shop–window；　one　spot　between　the　shoulders　itched　and　irritated；　felt　clammy；　felt　raw。　could　i　reach　it？　surreptitiously　i　tried。　she　saw　me。　a　smile　of　infinite　irony；　infinite　sorrow；　flitted　and　faded　from　her　face。　but　she　had　municated；　shared　her　secret；　passed　her　poison　she　would　speak　no　more。　leaning　back　in　my　corner；　shielding　my　eyes　from　her　eyes；　seeing　only　the　slopes　and　hollows；　greys　and　purples；　of　the　winter’s　landscape；　i　read　her　message；　deciphered　her　secret；　reading　it　beneath　her　gaze。
hilda’s　the　sister–in–law。　hilda？　hilda？　hilda　marsh—hilda　the　blooming；　the　full　bosomed；　the　matronly。　hilda　stands　at　the　door　as　the　cab　draws　up；　holding　a　coin。　“poor　minnie；　more　of　a　grasshopper　than　ever—old　cloak　she　had　last　year。　well；　well；　with　too　children　these　days　one　can’t　do　more。　no；　minnie；　i’ve　got　it；　here　you　are；　cabby—none　of　your　ways　with　me。　e　in；　minnie。　oh；　i　could　carry　you；　let　alone　your　basket！”　so　they　go　into　the　dining–room。　“aunt　minnie；　children。”
slowly　the　knives　and　forks　sink　from　the　upright。　down　they　get　（bob　and　barbara）；　hold　out　hands　stiffly；　back　again　to　their　chairs；　staring　between　the　resumed　mouthfuls。　＇but　this　we’ll　skip；　ornaments；　curtains；　trefoil　china　plate；　yellow　oblongs　of　cheese；　white　squares　of　biscuit—skip—oh；　but　wait！　half–way　through　luncheon　one　of　those　shivers；　bob　stares　at　her；　spoon　in　mouth。　“get　on　with　your　pudding；　bob；”　but　hilda　disapproves。　“why　should　she　twitch？”　skip；　skip；　till　we　reach　the　landing　on　the　upper　floor；　stairs　brass–bound；　linoleum　worn；　oh；　yes！　little　bedroom　looking　out　over　the　roofs　of　eastbourne—zigzagging　roofs　like　the　spines　of　caterpillars；　this　way；　that　way；　striped　red　and　yellow；　with　blue–bla