《The English Patient》第57章

n’t　let　rommel　know　that　or　our　sources　would　have　been　discovered。　so　we　had　to　wait　till　cairo　to　capture　eppler。　
“we　watched　you　all　the　way。　all　through　the　desert。　and　because　intelligence　had　your　name；　knew　you　were　involved；　they　were　even　more　interested。　they　wanted　you　as　well。　you　were　supposed　to　be　killed。。。　if　you　don’t　believe　me；　you　left　gialo　and　it　took　you　twenty　days。　you　followed　the　buried…well　route。　you　couldn’t　get　near　uweinat　because　of　allied　troops；　and　you　avoided　abu　ballas。　there　were　times　when　eppler　had　desert　fever　and　you　had　to　look　after　him；　care　for　him；　though　you　say　you　didn’t　like　him。。。。　
“planes　supposedly　‘lost’　you；　but　you　were　being　tracked　very　carefully。　you　were　not　the　spies；　we　were　the　spies。　
intelligence　thought　you　had　killed　geoffrey　clifton　over　the　woman。　they　had　found　his　grave　in　；　but　there　was　no　sign　of　his　wife。　you　had　bee　the　enemy　not　when　you　sided　with　germany　but　when　you　began　your　affair　with　katharine　clifton。”　“i　see。”　“after　you　left　cairo　in　；　we　lost　you。　they　were　supposed　to　pick　you　up　and　kill　you　in　the　desert。　but　they　lost　you。　
two　days　out。　you　must　have　been　haywire；　not　rational；　or　we　would　have　found　you。　we　had　mined　the　hidden　jeep。　we　found　it　exploded　later；　but　there　was　nothing　of　you。　you　were　gone。　that　must　have　been　your　great　journey；　not　the　one　to　cairo。　when　you　must　have　been　mad。”　“were　you　there　in　cairo　with　them　tracking　me？”　“no；　i　saw　the　files。　i　was　going　into　italy　and　they　thought　you　might　be　there。”　“here。”“yes。”　the　rhomboid　of　light　moved　up　the　wall　leaving　caravaggio　in　shadow。　his　hair　dark　again。　he　leaned　back；　his　shoulder　against　the　foliage。　
“i　suppose　it　doesn’t　matter；”　almasy　murmured。　
“do　you　want　morphine？”　“no。　i’m　putting　things　into　place。　i　was　always　a　private　man。　it　is　difficult　to　realize　i　was　so　discussed。”　“you　were　having　an　affair　with　someone　connected　with　intelligence。　there　were　some　people　in　intelligence　who　knew　you　personally。”　“bagnold　probably。”　“yes。”　“very　english　englishman。”　“yes。”　caravaggio　paused。　
“i　have　to　talk　to　you　about　one　last　thing。”　“i　know。”　“what　happened　to　katharine　clifton？　what　happened　just　before　the　war　to　make　you　all　e　to　the　gilf　kebir　again？
after　madox　left　for　england。” i　was　supposed　to　make　one　more　journey　to　the　gilf　kebir；　to　pack　up　the　last　of　the　base　camp　at　uweinat。　our　life　there　was　over。　i　thought　nothing　more　would　happen　between　us。　i　had　not　met　her　as　a　lover　for　almost　a　year。　a　war　was　preparing　itself　somewhere　like　a　hand　entering　an　attic　window。　and　she　and　i　had　already　retreated　behind　our　own　walls　of　previous　habit；　into　seeming　innocence　of　relationship。　we　no　longer　saw　each　other　very　much。　
during　the　summer　of i　was　to　go　overland　to　the　gilf　kebir　with　gough；　pack　up　the　base　camp；　and　gough　would　leave　by　truck。　clifton　would　fly　in　and　pick　me　up。　then　we　would　disperse；　out　of　the　triangle　that　had　grown　up　among　us。　
when　i　heard　the　plane；　saw　it；　i　was　already　climbing　down　the　rocks　of　the　plateau。　clifton　was　always　prompt。　
there　is　a　way　a　small　cargo　plane　will　e　down　to　land；　slipping　from　the　level　of　horizon。　it　tips　its　wings　within　desert　light　and　then　sound　stops；　it　drifts　to　earth。　i　have　never　fully　understood　how　planes　work。　i　have　watched　them　approach　me　in　the　desert　and　i　have　e　out　of　my　tent　always　with　fear。　they　dip　their　wings　across　the　light　and　then　they　enter　that　silence。　
the　moth　came　skimming　over　the　plateau。　i　was　waving　the　blue　tarpaulin。　clifton　dropped　altitude　and　roared　over　me；　so　low　the　acacia　shrubs　lost　their　leaves。　the　plane　veered　to　the　left　and　circled；　and　sighting　me　again　realigned　itself　and　came　straight　towards　me。　fifty　yards　away　from　me　it　suddenly　tilted　and　crashed。　i　started　running　towards　it。　
i　thought　he　was　alone。　he　was　supposed　to　be　alone。　but　when　i　got　there　to　pull　him　out；　she　was　beside　him。　he　was　dead。　she　was　trying　to　move　the　lower　part　of　her　body；　looking　straight　ahead。　sand　had　e　in　through　the　cockpit　window　and　had　filled　her　lap。　there　didn’t　seem　to　be　a　mark　on　her。　her　left　hand　had　gone　forward　to　cushion　the　collapse　of　their　flight。　i　pulled　her　out　of　the　plane　clifton　had　called　rupert　and　carried　her　up　into　the　rock　caves。　into　the　cave　of　swimmers；　where　the　paintings　were。　latitude　°o’　on　the　map；　longitude　°！’。　i　buried　geoffrey　clifton　that　night。　
was　i　a　curse　upon　them？　for　her？　for　madox？　for　the　desert　raped　by　war；　shelled　as　if　it　were　just　sand？　the　barbarians　versus　the　barbarians。　both　armies　would　e　through　the　desert　with　no　sense　of　what　it　was。　the　deserts　of　libya。　remove　politics；　and　it　is　the　loveliest　phrase　i　know。　libya。　a　sexual；　drawn…out　word；　a　coaxed　well。　the　b　and　the　y。　madoaid　it　was　one　of　the　few　words　in　which　you　heard　the　tongue　turn　a　corner。　remember　dido　in　the　deserts　of　libya？　a　man　shall　be　as　rivers　of　water　in　a　dry　place。。。。　
i　do　not　believe　i　entered　a　cursed　land；　or　that　i　was　ensnared　in　a　situation　that　was　evil。　every　place　and　person　was　a　gift　to　me。　finding　the　rock　paintings　in　the　cave　of　swimmers。　singing　“burdens”　with　madox　during　expeditions。　katharine’s　appearance　among　us　in　the　desert。　the　way　i　would　walk　towards　her　over　the　red　polished　concrete　floor　and　sink　to　my　knees；　her　belly　against　my　head　as　if　i　were　a　boy。　the　gun　tribe　healing　me。　even　the　four　of　us；　hana　and　you　and　the　sapper。　
everything　i　have　loved　or　valued　has　been　taken　away　from　me。　
i　stayed　with　her。　i　discovered　three　of　her　ribs　were　broken。　i　kept　waiting　for　her　wavering　eye；　for　her　broken　wrist　to　bend；　for　her　still　mouth　to　speak。　
how　did　you　hate　me？　she　whispered。　you　killed　almost　everything　in　me。　
katharine。。。　you　didn’t—　hold　me。　stop　defending　yourself。　nothing　changes　you。　
her　glare　was　permanent。　i　could　not　move　out　of　the　target　of　that　gaze。　i　will　be　the　last　image　she　sees。　the　jackal　in　the　cave　who　will　guide　and　protect　her；　who　will　never　deceive　her。　
there　are　a　hundred　deities　associated　with　animals；　i　t