《Rosa Alchemica》第4章

s；　desires　and　ambitions；　alien　to　my　orderly　and　careful　life；　and　then　i　would　awake　shuddering　at　the　thought　that　some　great　imponderable　being　had　swept　through　my　mind。　it　was　indeed　days　before　this　feeling　passed　perfectly　away；　and　even　now；　when　i have　sought　refuge　in　the　only　definite　faith；　i　feel　a　great　tolerance　for　those　people　with　incoherent　personalities；　who　gather　in　the　chapels　and　meeting？places　of　certain　obscure　sects；　because　i　also　have　felt　fixed　habits　and　principles　dissolving　before　a　power；　which　was　hysterica　passio　or　sheer　madness；　if　you　will；　but　was　so　powerful　in　its　melancholy　exultation　that　i　tremble　lest　it　wake　again　and　drive　me　from　my　new？found　peace。
when　we　came　in　the　grey　light　to　the　great　half？empty　terminus；　it　seemed　to　me　i　was　so　changed　that　i　was　no　more；　as　man　is；　a　moment　shuddering　at　eternity；　but　eternity　weeping　and　laughing　over　a　moment；　and　when　we　had　started　and　michael　robartes　had　fallen　asleep；　as　he　soon　did；　his　sleeping　face；　in　which　there　was　no　sign　of　all　that　had　so　shaken　me　and　that　now　kept　me　wakeful；　was　to　my　excited　mind　more　like　a　mask　than　a　face。　the　fancy　possessed　me　that　the　man　behind　it　had　dissolved　away　like　salt　in　water；　and　that　it　laughed　and　sighed；　appealed　and　denounced　at　the　bidding　of　beings　greater　or　less　than　man。　this　is　not　michael　robartes　at　all：　michael　robartes　is　dead；　dead　for　ten；　for　twenty　years　perhaps；　i　kept　repeating　to　myself。　i　fell　at　last　into　a　feverish　sleep；　waking　up　from　time　to　time　when　we　rushed　past　some　little　town；　its　slated　roofs　shining　with　wet；　or　still　lake　gleaming　in　the　cold　morning　light。　i　had　been　too　pre？occupied　to　ask　where　we　were　going；　or　to　notice　what　tickets　michael　robartes　had　taken；　but　i　knew　now　from　the　direction　of　the　sun　that　we　were　going　westward；　and　presently　i　knew　also；　by　the　way　in　which　the　trees　had　grown　into　the　semblance　of　tattered　beggars　flying　with　bent　heads　towards　the　east；　that　we　were　approaching　the　western　coast。　then　immediately　i　saw　the　sea　between　the　low　hills　upon　the　left；　its　dull　grey　broken　into　white　patches　and　lines。
when　we　left　the　train　we　had　still；　i　found；　some　way　to　go；　and　set　out；　buttoning　our　coats　about　us；　for　the　wind　was　bitter　and　violent。　michael　robartes　was　silent；　seeming　anxious　to　leave　me　to　my　thoughts；　and　as　we　walked　between　the　sea　and　the　rocky　side　of　a　great　promontory；　i　realized　with　a　new　perfection　what　a　shock　had　been　given　to　all　my　habits　of　thought　and　of　feelings；　if　indeed　some　mysterious　change　had　not　taken　place　in　the　substance　of　my　mind；　for　the　grey　waves；　plumed　with　scudding　foam；　had　grown　part　of　a　teeming；　fantastic　inner　life；　and　when　michael　robartes　pointed　to　a　square　ancient？looking　house；　with　a　much　smaller　and　newer　building　under　its　lee；　set　out　on　the　very　end　of　a　dilapidated　and　almost　deserted　pier；　and　said　it　was　the　temple　of　the　alchemical　rose；　i　was　possessed　with　the　phantasy　that　the　sea；　which　kept　covering　it　with　showers　of　white　foam；　was　claiming　it　as　part　of　some　indefinite　and　passionate　life；　which　had　begun　to　war　upon　our　orderly　and　careful　days；　and　was　about　to　plunge　the　world　into　a　night　as　obscure　as　that　which　followed　the　downfall　of　the　classical　world。　one　part　of　my　mind　mocked　this　phantastic　terror；　but　the　other；　the　part　that　still　lay　half　plunged　in　vision；　listened　to　the　clash　of　unknown　armies；　and　shuddered　at　unimaginable　fanaticisms；　that　hung　in　those　grey　leaping　waves。
we　had　gone　but　a　few　paces　along　the　pier　when　we　came　upon　an　old　man；　who　was　evidently　a　watchman；　for　he　sat　in　an　overset　barrel；　close　to　a　place　where　masons　had　been　lately　working　upon　a　break　in　the　pier；　and　had　in　front　of　him　a　fire　such　as　one　sees　slung　under　tinkers　carts。　i　saw　that　he　was　also　a　voteen；　as　the　peasants　say；　for　there　was　a　rosary　hanging　from　a　nail　on　the　rim　of　the　barrel；　and　i　saw　i　shuddered；　and　i　did　not　know　why　i　shuddered。　we　had　passed　him　a　few　yards　when　i　heard　him　cry　in　gaelic；　idolaters；　idolaters；　go　down　to　hell　with　your　witches　and　your　devils；　go　down　to　hell　that　the　herrings　may　e　again　into　the　bay；　and　for　some　moments　i　could　hear　him　half　screaming　and　half　muttering　behind　us。　are　you　not　afraid；　i　said；　that　these　wild　fishing　people　may　do　some　desperate　thing　against　you？
i　and　mine；　he　answered；　are　long　past　human　hurt　or　help；　being　incorporate　with　immortal　spirits；　and　when　we　die　it　shall　be　the　consummation　of　the　supreme　work。　a　time　will　e　for　these　people　also；　and　they　will　sacrifice　a　mullet　to　artemis；　or　some　other　fish　to　some　new　divinity；　unless　indeed　their　own　divinities；　the　dagda；　with　his　overflowing　cauldron；　lug；　with　his　spear　dipped　in　poppy？　juice　lest　it　rush　forth　hot　for　battle。　aengus；　with　the　three　birds　on　his　shoulder；　bodb　and　his　red　swineherd；　and　all　the　heroic　children　of　dana；　set　up　once　more　their　temples　of　grey　stone。　their　reign　has　never　ceased；　but　only　waned　in　power　a　little；　for　the　sidhe　still　pass　in　every　wind；　and　dance　and　play　at　hurley；　and　fight　their　sudden　battles　in　every　hollow　and　on　every　hill；　but　they　cannot　build　their　temples　again　till　there　have　been martyrdoms　and　victories；　and　perhaps　even　that　long？foretold　battle　in　the　valley　of　the　black　pig。
keeping　close　to　the　wall　that　went　about　the　pier　on　the　seaward　side；　to　escape　the　driving　foam　and　the　wind；　which　threatened　every　moment　to　lift　us　off　our　feet；　we　made　our　way　in　silence　to　the　door　of　the　square　building。　michael　robartes　opened　it　with　a　key；　on　which　i　saw　the　rust　of　many　salt　winds；　and　led　me　along　a　bare　passage　and　up　an　uncarpeted　stair　to　a　little　room　surrounded　with　bookshelves。　a　meal　would　be　brought；　but　only　of　fruit；　for　i　must　submit　to　a　tempered　fast　before　the　ceremony；　he　explained；　and　with　it　a　book　on　the　doctrine　and　method　of　the　order；　over　which　i　was　to　spend　what　remained　of　the　winter　daylight。　he　then　left　me；　promising　to　return　an　hour　before　the　ceremony。　i　began　searching　among　the　bookshelves；　and　found　one　of　the　most　exhaustive　alchemical　libraries　i　have　ever　seen。　there　were　th