《5 midnight sun午夜阳光》第72章

e　we　would　have　perfected　such　deceptions。　If　someone　dared　you　to　eat　dirt；　you　could；　couldn　t　you？　Her　nose　wrinkled　and　she　smiled。　I　laughed。　I　did　once　on　a　dare。　It　wasn　t　so　bad。　I　suppose　I　m　not　surprised。　They　look　cozy；　don　t　they？　Good　body　language。　I　ll　give　Bella　my　take　later。　He　s　leaning　toward　her　just　the　way　he　should；　if　he　s　interested。　He　looks　interested。　He　looks　perfect。　Jessica　sighed。　Yum。
I　met　Jessica　s　curious　eyes；　and　she　looked　away　nervously；　giggling　to　the　girl　next　to　her。　Hmmm。　Probably　better　to　stick　to　Mike。　Reality；　not　fantasy　She　ll　break　it　down　Jessica　s　analyzing　everything　I　do；　I　informed　Bella。　for　you　later。　I　pushed　the　plate　of　food　back　towards　her　pizza；　I　realized　wondering　how　best　to　begin。　My　former　frustration　flared　as　the　words　repeated　in　my　head：　More　than　he　likes　me。　But　I　don　t　see　how　I　can　help　that。　She　took　a　bite　from　the　same　slice　of　pizza。　It　amazed　me　how　trusting　she　was。　Of　course；　she　didn　t　know　I　was　poisonous　not　that　sharing　food　would　hurt　her。　Still；　I　expected　her　to　treat　me　differently。　As　something　other。　She　never　did　at　least；　not　in　a　negative　way　I　would　start　off　gently。　So　the　waitress　was　pretty；　was　she？　She　raised　the　eyebrow　again。　You　really　didn　t　notice？　Absurd；　again。　As　if　any　woman　could　hope　to　capture　my　attention　from　Bella。　No。　I　wasn　t　paying　attention。　I　had　a　lot　on　my　mind。　had　been　the　soft　cling　of　her　thin　blouse　Good　thing　she　d　worn　that　ugly　sweater　today。　Poor　girl；　Bella　said；　smiling。　Not　the　least　of　which　She　liked　that　I　hadn　t　found　the　waitress　interesting　in　any　way。　I　could　understand　that。　How　many　times　had　I　imagined　crippling　Mike　Newton　in　the　biology　room？　She　couldn　t　honestly　believe　that　her　human　feelings；　the　fruition　of　seventeen　short　mortal　years；　could　be　stronger　than　the　immortal　passions　that　had　been　building　up　in　me　for　a　century。　Something　you　said　to　Jessica　I　couldn　t　keep　my　voice　casual。　bothers　me。　Well；　it　She　was　immediately　on　the　defensive。　I　m　not　surprised　you　heard　something　you　didn　t　like。　You　know　what　they　say　about　eavesdroppers。　Eavesdroppers　never　hear　good　of　themselves；　that　was　the　saying。　I　warned　you　I　would　be　listening；　I　reminded　her。　And　I　warned　you　that　you　didn　t　want　to　know　everything　I　was　thinking。　Ah；　she　was　thinking　of　when　I　d　made　her　cry。　Remorse　made　my　voice　thicker。　You　did。　You　aren　t　precisely　right；　though。　I　do　want　to　know　what　you　re　thinking　everything。　I　just　wish　that　you　wouldn　t　be　thinking　some　things。
More　halflies。　course　I　did。　I　knew　I　shouldn　t　want　her　to　care　about　me。　But　I　did。　Of　That　s　quite　a　distinction；　she　grumbled；　scowling　at　me。　really　the　point　at　the　moment。　Then　what　is？　But　that　s　not　She　leaned　toward　me；　her　hand　cupped　lightly　around　her　throat。　eye　distracted　me。　How　soft　that　skin　must　feel　Focus；　I　manded　myself。　It　drew　my　Do　you　truly　believe　that　you　care　more　for　me　than　I　do　for　you？　I　asked。　question　sounded　ridiculous　to　me；　like　the　words　were　scrambled。　Her　eyes　were　wide；　her　breathing　stopped。　quickly。　Her　breath　came　in　a　low　gasp。　You　re　doing　it　again；　she　murmured。　What？　Then　she　looked　away；　blinking　The　Dazzling　me；　she　admitted；　meeting　my　eyes　warily。　Oh。　Hmm。　I　wasn　t　quite　sure　what　to　do　about　that。　Nor　was　I　sure　that　I　didn　t　want　to　dazzle　her。　I　was　still　thrilled　that　I　could。　But　it　wasn　t　helping　the　progression　of　the　conversation。　It　s　not　your　fault。　She　sighed。　You　can　t　help　it。　Are　you　going　to　answer　my　question？　I　demanded。　She　stared　at　the　table。　That　was　all　she　said。　Yes；　you　are　going　to　answer；　or　yes；　you　really　think　that？　I　asked　impatiently。　Yes；　I　really　think　that；　she　said　without　looking　up。　There　was　a　faint　undertone　of　sadness　in　her　voice。　She　blushed　again；　and　her　teeth　moved　unconsciously　to　worry　her　lip。　Abruptly；　I　realized　that　this　was　very　hard　for　her　to　admit；　because　she　truly　believed　it。　And　I　was　no　better　than　that　coward；　Mike；　asking　for　her　to　confirm　her　feelings　before　I　d　confirmed　my　own。　It　didn　t　matter　that　I　felt　I　d　make　my　side　abundantly　clear。　It　hadn　t　gotten　through　to　her；　and　so　I　had　no　excuse。　You　re　wrong；　I　promised。　She　must　hear　the　tenderness　in　my　voice。　You　can　t　know　Yes。　Bella　looked　up　to　me；　her　eyes　opaque；　giving　nothing　away。　that；　she　whispered。　She　thought　that　I　was　underestimating　her　feelings　because　I　couldn　t　hear　her　thoughts。　But；　in　truth；　the　problem　was　that　she　was　underestimating　mine。　What　makes　you　think　so？　I　wondered。
She　stared　back　millionth　time；　beg　her　to　tell　to　keep　me　from　at　me；　the　furrow　between　her　brows；　biting　her　lips。　For　the　I　wished　desperately　that　I　could　just　hear　her。　I　was　about　to　me　what　thought　she　was　struggling　with；　but　she　held　up　a　finger　speaking。　Let　me　think；　she　requested。　As　long　as　she　was　simply　organizing　her　thoughts；　I　could　be　patient。　Or　I　could　pretend　to　be。　She　pressed　her　hands　together；　twining　and　untwining　her　slender　fingers。　She　was　watching　her　hands　as　if　they　belonged　to　someone　else　while　she　spoke。　Well；　aside　from　the　obvious；　she　murmured。　Sometimes　I　can　t　be　sure　I　don　t　know　how　to　read　minds　but　sometimes　it　seems　like　you　re　trying　to　say　goodbye　when　you　re　saying　something　else。　She　didn　t　look　up。　She　d　caught　that；　had　she？　Did　she　realize　that　it　was　only　weakness　and　selfishness　that　kept　me　here？　Did　she　think　less　of　me　for　that？　Perceptive；　I　breathed；　and　then　watched　in　horror　as　pain　twisted　her　expression。　I　hurried　to　contradict　her　assumption。　That　s　exactly　why　you　re　wrong；　though　I　began；　and　then　I　paused；　remembering　the　first　words　of　her　explanation。　They　bothered　me；　though　I　wasn　t　sure　I　understood　exactly。　the　obvious　？　Well；　look　at　me；　she　said。　I　was　looking。　All　I　ever　did　was　look　at　her。　What　did　she　mean？　What　do　you　mean；　I　m　absolutely　ordinary；　she　explained。　Well；　except　for　the　bad　things　like　all　the　near　death　experiences　and　being　so　clumsy　that　I　m　almost　disabled。　And　look　at　you。　She　fanned　the　air　toward　me；　like　she　was　making　some　point　so　obvious　it　wasn　t　worth　spelling　out。　She　thought　she　was　ordinary？　She　thought　that　I　was　somehow　preferable　to