《5 midnight sun午夜阳光》第76章

out　there　for　us　that　was　escaping　me；　the　way　Angela　s　obvious　solution　was　so　invisible　to　her。　Not　likely　But　why　waste　time　with　hopelessness？　I　didn　t　have　time　to　waste　when　it　came　to　Bella。　Each　second　mattered。　Mr。　Banner　entered　pulling　an　ancient　TV　and　VCR。　He　was　skipping　through　a　section　he　wasn　t　particularly　interested　in　geic　disorders　by　showing　a　movie　for　the　next　three　days。　Lorenzo　s　Oil　was　not　a　very　cheerful　piece；　but　that　didn　t　stop　the　excitement　in　the　room。　No　notes；　no　testable　material。　Three
free　days。　exulted。　The　humans　I　hadn　t　been　planning　on　paying　any　It　didn　t　matter　to　me；　either　way。　attention　to　anything　but　Bella。　I　did　not　pull　my　chair　away　from　hers　today；　to　give　myself　space　to　breathe。　Instead；　I　sat　close　beside　her　like　any　normal　human　would。　Closer　than　we　sat　inside　my　car；　close　enough　that　the　left　side　of　my　body　felt　submerged　in　the　heat　from　her　skin。　It　was　a　strange　experience；　both　enjoyable　and　nerveracking；　but　I　preferred　this　to　sitting　across　the　table　from　her。　It　was　more　than　I　was　used　to；　and　yet　I　quickly　realized　that　it　was　not　enough。　I　was　not　satisfied。　Being　this　close　to　her　only　made　me　want　to　be　closer　still。　The　pull　was　stronger　the　closer　I　got。　I　had　accused　her　of　being　a　mag　for　danger。　Right　now；　it　felt　like　that　was　the　literal　truth。　I　was　danger；　and；　with　every　inch　I　allowed　myself　nearer　to　her；　her　attraction　grew　in　force。　And　then　Mr。　Banner　turned　the　lights　out。　It　was　odd　how　much　of　a　difference　this　made；　considering　that　the　lack　of　light　meant　little　to　my　eyes。　I　could　still　see　just　as　perfectly　as　before。　Every　detail　of　the　room　was　clear。　So　why　the　sudden　shock　of　electricity　in　the　air；　in　this　dark　that　was　not　dark　to　me？　Was　it　because　I　knew　that　I　was　the　only　one　who　could　see　clearly？　That　both　Bella　and　I　were　invisible　to　the　others？　Like　we　were　alone；　just　the　two　of　us；　hidden　in　the　dark　room；　sitting　so　close　beside　one　another　My　hand　moved　toward　her　without　my　permission。　Just　to　touch　her　hand；　to　hold　it　in　the　darkness。　Would　that　be　such　a　horrific　mistake？　If　my　skin　bothered　her；　she　only　had　to　pull　away　I　yanked　my　hand　back；　folded　my　arms　tightly　across　my　chest　and　clenched　my　hands　closed。　No　mistakes。　I　d　promised　myself　that　I　would　make　no　mistakes；　no　matter　how　minimal　they　seemed。　If　I　held　her　hand；　I　would　only　want　more　another　insignificant　touch；　another　move　closer　to　her。　I　could　feel　that。　A　new　kind　of　desire　was　growing　in　me；　working　to　override　my　selfcontrol。　No　mistakes。　Bella　folded　her　arms　securely　across　her　own　chest；　and　her　hands　balled　up　into　fists；　just　like　mine。　What　are　you　thinking？　I　was　dying　to　whisper　the　words　to　her；　but　the　room　was　too　quiet　to　get　away　with　even　a　whispered　conversation。　The　movie　began；　lightening　the　darkness　just　a　bit。　Bella　glanced　up　at　me。　She　noted　the　rigid　way　I　held　my　body　just　like　hers　and　smiled。　Her　lips　parted　slightly；　and　her　eyes　seemed　full　of　warm　invitations。　Or　perhaps　I　was　seeing　what　I　wanted　to　see。　I　smiled　back；　her　breathing　caught　with　a　low　gasp　and　she　looked　quickly　away。　That　made　it　worse。　I　didn　t　know　her　thoughts；　but　I　was　suddenly　positive　that
I　had　been　right　before；　and　that　she　wanted　me　to　touch　her。　dangerous　desire　just　as　I　did。　Between　her　body　and　mine；　the　electricity　hummed。　She　felt　this　She　didn　t　move　all　through　the　hour；　holding　her　stiff；　controlled　pose　as　I　held　mine。　Occasionally　she　would　peek　at　me　again；　and　the　humming　current　would　jolt　through　me　with　a　sudden　shock。　The　hour　passed　slowly；　and　yet　not　slowly　enough。　This　was　so　new；　I　could　have　sat　like　this　with　her　for　days；　just　to　experience　the　feeling　fully。　I　had　a　dozen　different　arguments　with　myself　while　the　minutes　passed；　rationality　struggling　with　desire　as　I　tried　to　justify　touching　her。　Finally；　Mr。　Banner　turned　the　lights　on　again。　In　the　bright　fluorescent　light；　the　atmosphere　of　the　room　returned　to　normal。　Bella　sighed　and　stretched；　flexing　her　fingers　in　front　of　her。　It　must　have　been　unfortable　for　her　to　hold　that　position　for　so　long。　It　was　easier　for　me　stillness　came　naturally。　I　chuckled　at　the　relieved　expression　on　her　face。　Well；　that　was　interesting。　Umm；　she　murmured；　clearly　understanding　what　I　referred　to；　but　making　no　ment。　What　I　wouldn　t　give　to　hear　what　she　was　thinking　right　now。　I　sighed。　No　amount　of　wishing　was　going　to　help　with　that。　Shall　we？　I　asked；　standing。　She　made　a　face　and　got　unsteadily　to　her　feet；　her　hands　splayed　out　as　if　she　were　afraid　she　was　going　to　fall。　I　could　offer　her　my　hand。　Or　I　could　place　that　hand　underneath　her　elbow　just　lightly　and　steady　her。　Surely　that　wouldn　t　be　such　a　horrible　infraction　No　mistakes。　She　was　very　quiet　as　we　walked　toward　the　gym。　The　crease　was　in　evidence　between　her　eyes；　a　sign　that　she　was　deep　in　thought。　I；　too；　was　thinking　deeply。　One　touch　of　her　skin　wouldn　t　hurt　her；　my　selfish　side　contended。　I　could　easily　moderate　the　pressure　of　my　hand。　It　wasn　t　exactly　difficult；　as　long　as　I　was　firmly　in　control　of　myself。　My　tactile　sense　was　better　developed　than　a　human　s；　I　could　juggle　a　dozen　crystal　goblets　without　breaking　any　of　them；　I　could　stroke　a　soap　bubble　without　popping　it。　As　long　as　I　was　firmly　in　control　Bella　was　like　a　soap　bubble　fragile　and　ephemeral。　Temporary。　How　long　would　I　be　able　to　justify　my　presence　in　her　life？　How　much　time　did　I　have？　Would　I　have　another　chance　like　this　chance；　like　this　moment；　like　this　second？　She　would　not　always　be　within　my　arm　s　reach　Bella　turned　to　face　me　at　the　gym　s　door；　and　her　eyes　widened　at　the　expression　on　my　face。　She　didn　t　speak。　I　looked　at　myself　in　the　reflection　of　her　eyes
and　saw　the　conflict　raging　in　my　own。　lost　the　argument。　I　watched　my　face　change　as　my　better　side　My　hand　lifted　without　a　conscious　mand　for　it　to　do　so。　As　gently　as　if　she　were　made　of　the　thinnest　glass；　as　if　she　were　fragile　as　a　bubble；　my　fingers　stroked　the　warm　skin　that　covered　her　cheekbone。　It　heated　under　my　touch；　and　I　could　feel　the　pulse　of　blood　speed　beneath　her　transparent　skin。　Enough；　I　ordered；　tho