《首发偶发空缺 (临时空缺)》第142章

and　the　name　of　the　dead　little　boy　that　they　were　loading　onto　an　ambulance。　The　dog…walker　who　had　pulled　her　from　the　river　was　rather　deaf；　he　gave　a　statement　to　the　police　in　the　next　room；　and　Sukhvinder　hated　the　sound　of　his　bellowed　account。　He　had　tethered　his　dog　to　a　tree　outside　the　window；　and　it　whined　persistently。
Then　the　police　had　called　her　parents　and　they　had　e；　Parminder　knocking　over　a　table　and　smashing　one　of　the　old　lady’s　ornaments　as　she　crossed　the　room　with　clean　clothes　in　her　arms。　In　the　tiny　bathroom；　the　deep　dirty　gash　on　Sukhvinder’s　leg　was　revealed；　peppering　the　fluffy　bath　mat　with　black　spots；　and　when　Parminder　saw　the　wound　she　shrieked　at　Vikram；　who　was　thanking　everyone　loudly　in　the　hall；　that　they　must　take　Sukhvinder　to　the　hospital。
She　had　vomited　again　in　the　car；　and　her　mother；　who　was　beside　her　in　the　back　seat；　had　mopped　her　up；　and　all　the　way　there　Parminder　and　Vikram　had　kept　up　a　flow　of　loud　talk；　her　father　kept　repeating　himself；　saying　things　like　‘she’ll　need　a　sedative’　and　‘that　cut　will　definitely　need　stitches’；　and　Parminder；　who　was　in　the　back　seat　with　the　shaking　and　retching　Sukhvinder；　kept　saying；　‘You　might　have　died。　You　might　have　died。’
It　was　as　if　she　was　still　underwater。　Sukhvinder　was　somewhere　she　could　not　breathe。　She　tried　to　cut　through　it　all；　to　be　heard。
‘Does　Krystal　know　he’s　dead？’　she　asked　through　chattering　teeth；　and　Parminder　had　to　ask　her　to　repeat　the　question　several　times。
‘I　don’t　know；’　she　answered　at　last。　‘You　might　have　died；　Jolly。’
At　the　hospital；　they　made　her　undress　again；　but　this　time　her　mother　was　with　her　in　the　curtained　cubicle；　and　she　realized　her　mistake　too　late　when　she　saw　the　expression　of　horror　on　Parminder’s　face。
‘My　God；’　she　said；　grabbing　Sukhvinder’s　forearm。　‘My　God。　What　have　you　done　to　yourself？’
Sukhvinder　had　no　words；　so　she　allowed　herself　to　subside　into　tears　and　uncontrollable　shaking；　and　Vikram　shouted　at　everyone；　including　Parminder；　to　leave　her　alone；　but　also　to　damn　well　hurry　up；　and　that　her　cut　needed　cleaning　and　she　needed　stitches　and　sedatives　and　X…rays　…
Later；　they　put　her　in　a　bed　with　a　parent　on　each　side　of　her；　and　both　of　them　stroked　her　hands。　She　was　warm　and　numb；　and　there　was　no　pain　in　her　leg　any　more。　The　sky　beyond　the　windows　was　dark。
‘Howard　Mollison’s　had　another　heart　attack；’　she　heard　her　mother　tell　her　father。　‘Miles　wanted　me　to　go　to　him。’
‘Bloody　nerve；’　said　Vikram。
To　Sukhvinder’s　drowsy　surprise；　they　talked　no　more　about　Howard　Mollison。　They　merely　continued　to　stroke　her　hands　until；　shortly　afterwards；　she　fell　asleep。
On　the　far　side　of　the　building；　in　a　shabby　blue　room　with　plastic　chairs　and　a　fish　tank　in　the　corner；　Miles　and　Samantha　were　sitting　on　either　side　of　Shirley；　waiting　for　news　from　theatre。　Miles　was　still　wearing　his　slippers。
‘I　can’t　believe　Parminder　Jawanda　wouldn’t　e；’　he　said　for　the　umpteenth　time；　his　voice　cracking。　Samantha　got　up；　moved　past　Shirley；　and　put　her　arms　around　Miles；　kissing　his　thick　hair；　speckled　with　grey；　breathing　in　his　familiar　smell。
Shirley　said；　in　a　high；　strangled　voice；　‘I’m　not　surprised　she　wouldn’t　e。　I’m　not　surprised。　Absolutely　appalling。’
All　she　had　left　of　her　old　life　and　her　old　certainties　was　attacking　familiar　targets。　Shock　had　taken　almost　everything　from　her：　she　no　longer　knew　what　to　believe；　or　even　what　to　hope。　The　man　in　theatre　was　not　the　man　she　had　thought　she　had　married。　If　she　could　have　returned　to　that　happy　place　of　certainty；　before　she　had　read　that　awful　post　…
Perhaps　she　ought　to　shut　down　the　whole　website。　Take　away　the　message　boards　in　their　entirety。　She　was　afraid　that　the　Ghost　might　e　back；　that　he　might　say　the　awful　thing　again　…
She　wanted　to　go　home；　right　now　and　disable　the　website；　and　while　there；　she　could　destroy　the　EpiPen　once　and　for　all　…
He　saw　it　…　I　know　he　saw　it　…
But　I’d　never　have　done　it；　really。　I　wouldn’t　have　done　it。　I　was　upset。　I’d　never　have　done　it　…
What　if　Howard　survived；　and　his　first　words　were：　‘She　ran　out　of　the　room　when　she　saw　me。　She　didn’t　call　an　ambulance　straight　away。　She　was　holding　a　big　needle　…’
Then　I’ll　say　his　brain’s　been　affected；　Shirley　thought　defiantly。
And　if　he　died　…
Beside　her；　Samantha　was　hugging　Miles。　Shirley　did　not　like　it；　she　ought　to　be　the　centre　of　attention；　it　was　her　husband　who　was　lying　upstairs；　fighting　for　his　life。　She　had　wanted　to　be　like　Mary　Fairbrother；　cosseted　and　admired；　a　tragic　heroine。　This　was　not　how　she　had　imagined　it—
‘Shirley？’
Ruth　Price；　in　her　nurse’s　uniform；　had　e　hurrying　into　the　room；　her　thin　face　forlorn　with　sympathy。
‘I　just　heard　–　I　had　to　e　–　Shirley；　how　awful；　I’m　so　sorry。’
‘Ruth；　dear；’　said　Shirley；　getting　up；　and　allowing　herself　to　be　embraced。　‘That’s　so　kind。　So　kind。’
Shirley　liked　introducing　her　medical　friend　to　Miles　and　Samantha；　and　receiving　her　pity　and　her　kindness　in　front　of　them。　It　was　a　tiny　taste　of　how　she　had　imagined　widowhood　…
But　then　Ruth　had　to　go　back　to　work；　and　Shirley　returned　to　her　plastic　chair　and　her　unfortable　thoughts。
‘He’ll　be　OK；’　Samantha　was　murmuring　to　Miles；　as　he　rested　his　head　on　her　shoulder。　‘I　know　he’ll　pull　through。　He　did　last　time。’
Shirley　watched　little　neon…bright　fish　darting　hither　and　thither　in　their　tank。　It　was　the　past　that　she　wished　she　could　change；　the　future　was　a　blank。
‘Has　anyone　phoned　Mo？’　Miles　asked　after　a　while；　wiping　his　eyes　on　the　back　of　one　hand；　while　the　other　gripped　Samantha’s　leg。　‘Mum；　d’you　want　me　to—？’
‘No；’　said　Shirley　sharply。　‘We’ll　wait　…　until　we　know。’
In　the　theatre　upstairs；　Howard　Mollison’s　body　overflowed　the　edges　of　the　operating　table。　His　chest　was　wide　open；　revealing　the　ruins　of　Vikram　Jawanda’s　handiwork。　Nieen　people　laboured　to　repair　the　damage；　while　the　machines　to　which　Howard　was　connected　made　soft　implacable　noises；　confirming　that　he　continued　to　live。
And　far　below；　in　t