《首发偶发空缺 (临时空缺)》第149章

t　by　sacrificing　their　house　and　the　beauty　of　the　hills；　they　would　be　rewarded　with　a　rebirth。　Wedded　for　ever　to　an　idea　of　Simon　that　took　no　account　of　his　rages　or　his　crookedness；　she　was　hoping　that　these　would　be　left　behind；　like　boxes　forgotten　in　the　move　…　But　at　least；　Andrew　thought；　he　would　be　one　step　nearer　London　when　they　went；　and　he　had　Gaia’s　assurance　that　she　had　been　too　drunk　to　know　what　she　was　doing　with　Fats；　and　perhaps　she　might　invite　him　and　Sukhvinder　back　to　her　house　for　coffee　after　the　funeral　was　over　…
Gaia；　who　had　never　been　inside　St　Michael’s　before；　was　half　listening　to　the　vicar’s　sing…song　delivery；　letting　her　eyes　travel　over　the　high　starry　ceiling　and　the　jewel…coloured　windows。　There　was　a　prettiness　about　Pagford　that；　now　she　knew　that　she　was　leaving；　she　thought　she　might　quite　miss　…
Tessa　Wall　had　chosen　to　sit　behind　everyone　else；　on　her　own。　This　brought　her　directly　under　the　calm　gaze　of　St　Michael；　whose　foot　rested　eternally　on　that　writhing　devil　with　its　horns　and　tail。　Tessa　had　been　in　tears　ever　since　her　first　glimpse　of　the　two　glossy　coffins　and；　as　much　as　she　tried　to　stifle　them；　her　soft　gurglings　were　still　audible　to　those　near　her。　She　had　half　expected　somebody　on　the　Weedon　side　of　the　church　to　recognize　her　as　Fats’　mother　and　attack　her；　but　nothing　had　happened。
（Her　family　life　had　turned　inside　out。　Colin　was　furious　with　her。
‘You　told　him　what？’
‘He　wanted　a　taste　of　real　life；’　she　had　sobbed；　‘he　wanted　to　see　the　seamy　underside　–　don’t　you　understand　what　all　that　slumming　it　was　about？’
‘So　you　told　him　that　he　might　be　the　result　of　incest；　and　that　I　tried　to　kill　myself　because　he　came　into　the　family？’
Years　of　trying　to　reconcile　them；　and　it　had　taken　a　dead　child；　and　Colin’s　profound　understanding　of　guilt；　to　do　it。　She　had　heard　the　two　of　them　talking　in　Fats’　attic　room　the　previous　evening；　and　paused　to　eavesdrop　at　the　foot　of　the　stairs。
‘…　you　can　put　that　–　that　thing　that　Mum　suggested　out　of　your　head　pletely；’　Colin　was　saying　gruffly。　‘You’ve　got　no　physical　or　mental　abnormalities；　have　you？　Well　then　…　don’t　worry　about　it　any　more。　But　your　counsellor　will　help　you　with　all　of　this　…’）
Tessa　gurgled　and　snorted　into　her　sodden　tissue；　and　thought　how　little　she　had　done　for　Krystal；　dead　on　the　bathroom　floor　…　it　would　have　been　a　relief　if　St　Michael　had　stepped　down　from　his　glowing　window　and　enacted　judgement　on　them　all；　decreeing　exactly　how　much　fault　was　hers；　for　the　deaths；　for　the　broken　lives；　for　the　mess　…　A　fidgeting　young　Tully　boy　on　the　other　side　of　the　aisle　hopped　out　of　his　pew；　and　a　tattooed　woman　reached　out　a　powerful　arm；　grabbed　him　and　pulled　him　back。　Tessa’s　sobs　were　punctuated　by　a　little　gasp　of　surprise。　She　was　sure　that　she　had　recognized　her　own　lost　watch　on　the　thick　wrist。
Sukhvinder；　who　was　listening　to　Tessa’s　sobs；　felt　sorry　for　her；　but　did　not　dare　turn　around。　Parminder　was　furious　with　Tessa。　There　had　been　no　way　for　Sukhvinder　to　explain　the　scars　on　her　arms　without　mentioning　Fats　Wall。　She　had　begged　her　mother　not　to　call　the　Walls；　but　then　Tessa　had　telephoned　Parminder　to　tell　them　that　Fats　had　taken　full　responsibility　for　The_Ghost_of_　Barry_Fairbrother’s　posts　on　the　council　website；　and　Parminder　had　been　so　vitriolic　on　the　telephone　that　they　had　not　spoken　since。
It　had　been　such　a　strange　thing　for　Fats　to　do；　to　take　the　blame　for　her　post　too；　Sukhvinder　thought　of　it　almost　as　an　apology。　He　had　always　seemed　to　read　her　mind：　did　he　know　that　she　had　attacked　her　own　mother？　Sukhvinder　wondered　whether　she　would　be　able　to　confess　the　truth　to　this　new　counsellor　in　whom　her　parents　seemed　to　place　so　much　faith；　and　whether　she　would　ever　be　able　to　tell　the　newly　kind　and　contrite　Parminder　…
She　was　trying　to　follow　the　service；　but　it　was　not　helping　her　in　the　way　that　she　had　hoped。　She　was　glad　about　the　chrysanthemum　oar　and　the　teddy　bear；　which　Lauren’s　mum　had　made；　she　was　glad　that　Gaia　and　Andy　had　e；　and　the　girls　from　the　rowing　team；　but　she　wished　that　the　Fairbrother　twins　had　not　refused。
（‘It’d　upset　Mum；’　Siobhan　had　told　Sukhvinder。　‘See；　she　thinks　Dad　spent　too　much　time　on　Krystal。’
‘Oh；’　said　Sukhvinder；　taken　aback。
‘And；’　said　Niamh；　‘Mum　doesn’t　like　the　idea　that　she’ll　have　to　see　Krystal’s　grave　every　time　we　visit　Dad’s。　They’ll　probably　be　really　near　each　other。’
Sukhvinder　thought　these　objections　small　and　mean；　but　it　seemed　sacrilegious　to　apply　such　terms　to　Mrs　Fairbrother。　The　twins　walked　away；　wrapped　up　in　each　other　as　they　always　were　these　days；　and　treating　Sukhvinder　with　coolness　for　her　defection　to　the　outsider；　Gaia　Bawden。）
Sukhvinder　kept　waiting　for　somebody　to　stand　up　and　talk　about　who　Krystal　really　was；　and　what　she　had　done　in　her　life；　the　way　that　Niamh　and　Siobhan’s　uncle　had　done　for　Mr　Fairbrother；　but　apart　from　the　vicar’s　brief　reference　to　‘tragically　short　lives’　and　‘local　family　with　deep　roots　in　Pagford’；　he　seemed　determined　to　skirt　the　facts。
So　Sukhvinder　focused　her　thoughts　on　the　day　that　their　crew　had　peted　in　the　regional　finals。　Mr　Fairbrother　had　driven　them　in　the　minibus　to　face　the　girls　from　St　Anne’s。　The　canal　ran　right　through　the　private　school’s　grounds；　and　it　had　been　decided　that　they　were　to　change　in　the　St　Anne’s　sports　hall；　and　start　the　race　there。
‘Unsporting；　course　it　is；’　Mr　Fairbrother　had　told　them　on　the　way。　‘Home…ground　advantage。　I　tried　to　get　it　changed；　but　they　wouldn’t。　Just　don’t　be　intimidated；　all　right？’
‘I　ain’　fuck—’
‘Krys—’
‘I　ain’　scared。’
But　when　they　turned　into　the　grounds；　Sukhvinder　was　scared。　Long　stretches　of　soft　green　lawn；　and　a　big　symmetrical　golden…stoned　building　with　spires　and　a　hundred　windows：　she　had　never　seen　anything　like　it；　except　on　picture　postcards。
‘It’s　like　Buckingham　Palace！’　Lauren　shrieked　from　the　back；　and　Krystal’s　mouth　had　formed　a　round　O；　she　had　been　as　unaffected　as　a　child　sometimes。
All　of　their　parents；　an