《安妮日记》第61章

ed　to　eat　meat；　life　bees　unbearable；　nothings　good　enough；　and　theres　bound　to　be　a　flaming　row。　my　kerlis　an　idiot。”
mrs。　frank：　〃foods　not　very　important；　but　id　love　a　slice　of　rye　bread　right　now；　because　im　so　hungry。　if　i　were　mrs。　van　daan；　id　have　put　a　stop　to　mr。　van　daans　smoking　long　ago。　but　i　desperately　need　a　cigarette　now；　because　my　heads　in　such　a　whirl。　the　van　daans　are　horrible　people；　the　english　may　make　a　lot　of　mistakes；　but　the　war　is　progressing。　i　should　keep　my　mouth　shut　and　be　grateful　im　not　in　poland。”
mr。　frank：　〃everythings　fine；　i　dont　need　a　thing。　stay　calm；　weve　got　plenty　of　time。　just　give　me　my　potatoes；　and　ill　be　quiet。　better　set　aside　some　of　my　rations　for　bep。　the　political　situation　is　improving；　im　extremely　optimistic。”
mr。　dussel：　〃i　must　plete　the　task　ive　set　for　myself；　everything　must　be　finished　on　time。　the　political　situation　is　looking　gut；　its　eempossible　for　us　to　get　caught。
me；　me；　me　。　。　。　。”
yours；　anne　
thursday；　march　16；　1944
dearest　kitty；
whew！　released　from　the　gloom　and　doom　for　a　few　moments！　all　ive　been　hearing　today　is：　〃if　this　and　that　happens；　were　in　trouble；　and　if　so…and…so　gets　sick；　well　be　left　to　fend　for　ourselves；　and　if　。　。　。”
well；　you　know　the　rest；　or　at　any　rate　i　assume　youre　famthar　enough　with　the　residents　of　the　annex　to　guess　what　theyd　be　talking　about。
the　reason　for　all　the　〃ifs〃　is　that　mr。　kugler　has　been　called　up　for　a　six…day　work　detail；　bep　is　down　with　a　bad　cold　and　will　probably　have　to　stay　home　tomorrow；　miep　hasnt　gotten　over　her　flu；　and　mr。　kleimans　stom…　ach　bled　so　much　he　lost　consciousness。　what　a　tale　of　woe！
we　think　mr。　kugler　should　go　directly　to　a　reliable　doctor　for　a　medical　certificate　of　ill　health；　which　he　can　present　to　the　city　hall　in　hilversum。　the　warehouse　……　employees　have　been　given　a　day　off　tomorrow；　so　bep　will　be　alone　in　the　office。　if　（theres　another　〃if）　bep　has　to　stay　home；　the　door　will　remain　locked　and　well　have
to　be　as　quiet　as　mice　so　the　keg　pany　wont　hear　us。　at　one　oclock　jan　will　e　for　half　an　hour　to　check　on　us　poor　forsaken　souls；　like　a　zookeeper。
this　afternoon；　for　the　first　time　in　ages；　jan　gave　us　some　news　of　the　outside　world。　you　should　have　seen　us　gathered　around　him；　it　looked　exactly　like　a　print：
〃at　grandmothers　knee。”
he　regaled　his　grateful　audience　with　talk　of…what　else？…food。　mrs。　p。；　a　friend　of　mieps；　has　been　cooking　his　meals。　the　day　before　yesterday　jan　ate　carrots　with　green　peas；　yesterday　he　had　the　leftovers；　today　shes　cooking　marrowfat　peas；　and　tomorrow　shes　plan…　ning　to　mash　the　remaining　carrots　with　potatoes。
we　asked　about　mieps　doctor。
〃doctor？〃　said　jan。　〃what　doctor？　i　called　him　this　morning　and　got　his　secretary　on　the　line。　i　asked　for　a　flu　prescription　and　was　told　i　could　e　pick　it　up　tomor…　row　morning　between　eight　and　nine。　if　youve　got　a　particularly　bad　case　of　flu；　the　doctor　himself　es　to　the　phone　and　says；　stick　out　your　tongue　and　say　〃aah。”
oh；　i　can　hear　it；　your　throats　infected。　ill　write　out　a　prescription　and　you　can　bring　it　to　the　phar…　macy。　good　day。　and　thats　that。　easy　job　hes　got；　diagnosis　by　phone。　but　i　shouldnt　blame　the　doctors。〃　after　all；　a　person　has　only　two　hands；　and　these　days　therere　too　many　patients　and　too　few　doctors。”
still；　we　all　had　a　good　laugh　at　jans　phone　call。　i　can　just　imagine　what　a　doctors　waiting　room　looks　like　these　days。　doctors　no　longer　turn　up　their　noses　at　the　poorer　patients；　but　at　those　with　minor　illnesses。　〃hey；　what　are　you　doing　here？”
they　think。　〃go　to　the　end　of　the　line；　real　patients　have　priority！”
yours；　anne　
thursday；　march　16；　1944
dearest　kitty；
the　weather　is　gorgeous；　indescribably　beautiful；　ill　be　going　up　to　the　attic　in　a　moment。
i　now　know　why　im　so　much　more　restless　than　peter。　he　has　his　own　room；　where　he　can　work；　dream；　think　and　sleep。　im　constantly　being　chased　from　one　corner　to　another。　im　never　alone　in　the　room　i　share　with　dussel；　though　i　long　to　be　so　much。　thats　another　reason　i　take　refuge　in　the　attic。　when　im　there；　or　with　you；　i
can　be　myself；　at　least　for　a　little　while。　still；　i　dont　want　to　moan　and　groan。　on　the　contrary；　i　want　to　be　brave！
thank　goodness　the　others　notice　nothing　of　my　innermost　feelings；　except　that　every　day　im　growing　cooler　and　more　contemptuous　of　mother；　less　affection…　ate　to　father　and　less　willing　to　share　a　single　thought　with　margot；　im　closed　up　tighter　than　a　drum。　above　all；　i　have　to　maintain　my　air　of　confidence。　no　one　must　know　that　my　heart　and　mind　are　constantly　at　war　with　each　other。　up　to　now　reason　has　always　won　the　battle；　but　will　my　emotions　get　the　upper　hand？　sometimes　i　fear　they　will；　but　more　often　i　actually　hope　they　do！
oh；　its　so　terribly　hard　not　to　talk　to　peter　about　these　things；　but　i　know　i　have　to　let　him　begin；　its　so　hard　to　act　during　the　daytime　as　if　everything　ive　said　and　done　in　my　dreams　had　never　taken　place！　kitty；　anne　is　crazy；　but　then　these　are　crazy　times　and　even　crazier　circumstances。
the　nicest　part　is　being　able　to　write　down　all　my　thoughts　and　feelings；　otherwise；　id　absolutely　suffocate。　i　wonder　what　peter　thinks　about　all　these　things？　i　keep　thinking　ill　be　able　to　talk　to　him　about　them　one　day。　he　must　have　guessed　something　about　the　inner　me；　since　he　couldnt　possibly　love　the　outer　anne　hes　known　so　far！　how　could　someone　like　peter；　who　loves　peace　and　quiet；　possibly　stand　my　bustle　and　noise？　will　he　be　the　first　and　only　person　to　see　whats　beneath　my　granite　mask？　will　it　take　him　long？　isnt　there　some　old　saying　about　love　being　akin　to　pity？　isnt　that　whats　happening　here　as　well？　because　i　often　pity　him　as　much　as　i　do　myself！
i　honestly　dont　know　how　to　begin；　i　really　dont；　so　how　can　i　expect　peter　to　when　talking　is　so　much　harder　for　him？　if　only　i　could　write　to　him；　then　at　least　hed　know　what　i　was　trying　to　say；　since　its　so　hard　to　say　it　out　loud！
yours；　anne　
m。　frank
friday；　march　17；　1944
my　dearest　darling；　everything　turned　out　all　right　after　all；　bep　just　had　a　sore　throat；　not