《安妮日记》第62章

yours；　anne　
m。　frank
friday；　march　17；　1944
my　dearest　darling；　everything　turned　out　all　right　after　all；　bep　just　had　a　sore　throat；　not　the　flu；　and　mr。　kugler　got　a　medical　certificate　to　excuse　him　from　the　work　detail。　the　entire　annex　breathed　a　huge　sigh　of　relief。　everythings　fine　here！　except　that　margot　and　i　are　rather　tired　of　our　parents。
dont　get　me　wrong。　i　still　love　father　as　much　as　ever　and　margot　loves　both　father　and　mother；　but　when　youre　as　old　as　we　are；　you　want　to　make　a　few　decisions　for　yourself；　get　out　from　under　their　thumb。　whenever　i　go　upstairs；　they　ask　what　im　going　to　do；　they　wont　let　me　salt　my　food；　mother　asks　me　every　evening　at　eight…fifteen　if　it　isnt　time　for　me　to　change　into　my　nighty；　i　and　they　have　to　approve　every　book　i　read。　i　must　admit；　theyre　not　at　all　strict　about　that　and　let　me　read　nearly　everything；　but　margot　and　i　are　sick　and　tired　of　having　to　listen　to　their　ments　and　questions　all　day　long。
theres　something　else　that　displeases　them：　i　no　longer　feel　like　giving　them　little　kisses　morning；　noon　and　night。　all　those　cute　nicknames　seem　so　affected；　and　fathers　fondness　for　talking　about　farting　and　going　to　the　bathroom　is　disgusting。　in　short；　id　like　nothing　better　than　to　do　without　their　pany　for　a　while；　and　they　dont　understand　that。　not　that　margot　and　i　have　ever　said　any　of　this　to　them。　what　would　be　the　point？　they　wouldnt　understand　anyway。
margot　said　last　night；　〃what　really　bothers　me　is　that　if　you　happen　to　put　your　head　in　your　hands　and　sigh　once　or　twice；　they　immediately　ask　whether　you　have　a　headache　or　dont　feel　well。”
for　both　of　us；　its　been　quite　a　blow　to　suddenly　realize　that　very　little　remains　of　the　close　and　harmoni…　ous　family　we　used　to　have　at　home！　this　is　mostly　because　everythings　out　of　kilter　here。　by　that　i　mean　that　were　treated　like　children　when　it　es　to　external　matters；　while；　inwardly；　were　much　older　than　other　girls　our　age。
even　though　im　only　fourteen；　i　know　what　i　want；　i　know　whos　right　and　whos　wrong；　i　have　my　own　opinions；　ideas　and　principles；　and　though　it　may　sound　odd　ing　from　a　teenager；　i　feel　im　more　of　a　person　than　a　child　……　i　feel　im　pletely　independent　of　others。　i　know　im　better　at　debating　or　carrying　on　a　discussion　than　mother；　i　know　im　more　objective；　i　dont　exaggerate　as　much；　im　much　tidier　and　better　with　my　hands；　and　because　of　that　i　feel　（this　may　make　you　laugh）　that　im　superior　to　her　in　many　ways。　to　love　someone；　i　have　to　admire　and　respect　the　person；　but　i　feel　neither　respect　nor　admiration　for　mother！
everything　would　be　all　right　if　only　i　had　peter；　since　i　admire　him　in　many　ways。
hes　so　decent　and　clever！
yours；　anne　
m。　frank
saturday；　march　18；　1944
dearest　kitty；
ive　told　you　more　about　myself　and　my　feelings　than　ive　ever　told　a　living　soul；　so　why　shouldnt　that　include　sex？
parents；　and　people　in　general；　are　very　peculiar　when　it　es　to　sex。　instead　of　telling　their　sons　and　daughters　everything　at　the　age　of　twelve；　they　send　the　children　out　of　the　room　the　moment　the　subject　arises　and　leave　them　to　find　out　everything　on　their　own。　later　on；　when　parents　notice　that　their　children　have；　somehow；　e　by　their　information；　they　assume　they　know　more　（or　less）　than　they　actually　do。　so　why　dont　they　try　to　make　amends　by　asking　them　whats　what？
a　major　stumbling　block　for　the　adults　……　though　in　my　opinion　its　no　more　than　a　pebble　……　is　that　theyre　afraid　their　children　will　no　longer　look　upon　marriage　as　sacred　and　pure　once　they　realize　that；　in　most　cases；　this　purity　is　a　lot　of　nonsense。
as　far　as　im　concerned；　its　not　wrong　for　a　man　to　bring　a　little　experience　to　a　marriage。　after　all；　it　has　nothing　to　do　with　the　marriage　itself；　does　it？
soon　after　i　turned　eleven；　they　told　me　about　menstruation。　but　even　then；　i　had　no　idea　where　the　blood　came　from　or　what　it　was　for。　when　i　was　twelve　and　a　half；　i　learned　some　more　from　jacque；　who　wasnt　as　ignorant　as　i　was。　my　own　intuition　told　me　what　a　man　and　a　woman　do　when　theyre　together；　it　seemed　like　a　crazy　idea　at　first；　but　when　jacque　confirmed　it；　i　was　proud　of　myself　for　having　figured　it　out！
it　was　also　jacque　who　told　me　that　children　didnt　e　out　of　their　mothers　tummies。　as　she　put　it；　〃where　the　ingredients　go　in　is　where　the　finished　product　es　out！〃　jacque　and　i　found　out　about　the　hymen；　and　quite　a　few　other　details；　from　a　book　on　sex　education。　i　also　knew　that　you　could　keep　from　having　children；　but　how　that　worked　inside　your　body　remained　a　mystery。　when　i　came　here；　father　told　me　about　prostitutes；　etc。；　but　all　in　all　there　are　still　unanswered　questions。
if　mothers　dont　tell　their　children　everything；　they　hear　it　in　bits　and　pieces；　and　that　cant　be　right。
even　though　its　saturday；　im　not　bored！　thats　because　ive　been　up　in　the　attic　with　peter。　i　sat　there　dreaming　with　my　eyes　closed；　and　it　was　wonderful。
yours；　anne　
m。　frank
sunday；　march　19；　1944
dearest　kitty；
yesterday　was　a　very　important　day　for　me。　after　lunch　everything　was　as　usual。　at　five　i　put　on　the　potatoes；　and　mother　gave　me　some　blood　sausage　to　take　to　peter。
i　didnt　want　to　at　first；　but　i　finally　went。　he　wouldnt　accept　the　sausage；　and　i　had　the　dreadful　feel…　ing　it　was　still　because　of　that　argument　wed　had　about　distrust。
suddenly　i　couldnt　bear　it　a　moment　longer　and　my　eyes　filled　with　tears。　without　another　word；　i　re…　turned　the　platter　to　mother　and　went　to　the　bathroom　to　have　a　good　cry。　afterward　i　decided　to　talk　things　out　with　peter。　before　dinner　the　four　of　us　were　helping　him　with　a　crossword　puzzle；　so　i　couldnt　say　anything。　but　as　we　were　sitting　down　to　eat；　i　whispered　to　him；　〃are　you　going　to　practice　your　shorthand　tonight；　peter？”
〃no；〃　was　his　reply。
〃id　like　to　talk　to　you　later　on。”
he　agreed。
after　the　dishes　were　done；　i　went　to　his　room　and　asked　if　hed　refused　the　sausage　because　of　our　last　quar…　rel。　luckily；　that　wasnt　the　reason；　he　just　thought　it　was　bad　manners　to　seem　so　eager。　it　had　been　very　hot　downstairs　and　my　face　was　as　red　as　a　lobster。　so　after