《安妮日记》第74章

at　eight…thirty　i　stood　up　and　went　to　the　window；　where　we　always　say　good…bye。　i　was　still　trembling；　i　was　still　anne　number　two。　he　came　over　to　me；　and　i　threw　my　arms　around　his　neck　and　kissed　him　on　his　left　cheek。　i　was　about　to　kiss　the　other　cheek　when　my　mouth　met　his；　and　we　pressed　our　lips　together。　in　a　daze；　we　embraced；　over　and　over　again；　never　to　stop；　oh！
peter　needs　tenderness。　for　the　first　time　in　his　life　hes　discovered　a　girl；　for　the
first　time　hes　seen　that　even　the　biggest　pests　also　have　an　inner　self　and　a　heart；　and　are　transformed　as　soon　as　theyre　alone　with　you。　for　the　first　time　in　his　life　hes　given　himself　and　his　friendship　to　another　person。　hes　never　had　a　friend　before；　boy　or　girl。　now　weve　found　each　other。　i；　for　that　matter；　didnt　know　him　either；　had　never　had　someone　i　could　confide　in；　and　its　led　to　this　。　。　。
the　same　question　keeps　nagging　me：　〃is　it　right？〃　is　it　right　for　me　to　yield　so　soon；　for　me　to　be　so　passionate；　to　be　filled　with　as　much　passion　and　desire　as　peter？
can　i；　a　girl；　allow　myself　to　go　that　far？
theres　only　one　possible　answer：　〃im　longing　so　much。　。　。　and　have　for　such　a　long　time。　im　so　lonely　and　now　ive　found　fort！”
in　the　mornings　we　act　normally；　in　the　afternoons　too；　except　now　and　then。　but　in　the　evenings　the　suppressed　longing　of　the　entire　day；　the　happiness　and　the　bliss　of　all　the　times　before　e　rushing　to　the　surface；　and　all　we　can　think　about　is　each　other。　every　night；　after　our　last　kiss；　i　feel　like　running　away　and　never　looking　him　in　the　eyes　again。　away；　far　away　into　the　darkness　and　alone！
and　what　awaits　me　at　the　bottom　of　those　fourteen　stairs？　bright　lights；　questions　and　laughter。　i　have　to　act　normally　and　hope　they　dont　notice　anything。
my　heart　is　still　too　tender　to　be　able　to　recover　so　quickly　from　a　shock　like　the　one　i　had　last　night。　the　gentle　anne　makes　infrequent　appearances；　and　shes　not　about　to　let　herself　be　shoved　out　the　door　so　soon　after　shes　arrived。　peters　reached　a　part　of　me　that　no　one　has　ever　reached　before；　except　in　my　dream！　hes　taken　hold　of　me　and　turned　me　inside　out。　doesnt　everyone　need　a　little　quiet　time　to　put　themselves　to　rights　again？　oh；　peter；　what　have　you　done　to　me？　what　do　you　want　from　me？
where　will　this　lead？　oh；　now　i　understand　bep。　now；　now　that　im　going　through　it　myself；　i　understand　her　doubts；　if　i　were　older　and　he　wanted　to　marry　me；　what　would　my　answer　be？　anne；　be　honest！　you　wouldnt　be　able　to　marry　him。　but　its　so　hard　to　let　go。　peter　still　has　too　little　character；　too　little　willpower；　too　little　courage　and　strength。　hes　still　a　child；　emotionally　no　older　than　i　am；　all　he　wants　is　happiness　and　peace　of　mind。　am　i　really　only　fourteen？　am　i　really　just　a　silly　schoolgirl？　am　i　really　so　inexperienced　in　everything？　i　have　more　experience　than　most；　ive　experienced　something　almost　no　one　my　age　ever　has。
im　afraid　of　myself；　afraid　my　longing　is　making　me　yield　too　soon。　how　can　it　ever　go　right　with　other　boys　later　on？　oh；　its　so　hard；　the　eternal　struggle　between　heart
and　mind。　theres　a　time　and　a　place　for　both；　but　how　can　i　be　sure　that　ive　chosen　the　right　time？
yours；　anne　
m。　frank
xs
MAY；　1944
tuesday；　may　2；　1944
dearest　kitty；
saturday　night　i　asked　peter　whether　he　thinks　i　should　tell　father　about　us。　after　wed　discussed　it；　he　said　he　thought　i　should。　i　was　glad；　it　shows　hes　sensible；　and　sensitive。　as　soon　as　i　came　downstairs；　i　went　with　father　to　get　some　water。　while　we　were　on　the　stairs；　i　said；　〃father；　im　sure　youve　gathered　that　when　peter　and　i　are　together；　we　dont　exactly　sit　at　opposite　ends　of　the　room。　do　you　think　thats　wrong？”
father　paused　before　answering：　〃no；　i　dont　think　its　wrong。　but　anne；　when　youre　living　so　close　together；　as　we　do；　you　have　to　be　careful。〃　he　said　some　other　words　to　that　effect；　and　then　we　went　upstairs。
sunday　morning　he　called　me　to　him　and　said；　〃anne；　ive　been　thinking　about　what　you　said。〃　（oh；　oh；　i　knew　what　was　ing！）　〃here　in　the　annex　its　not　such　a　good　idea。　i　thought　you　were　just　friends。　is　peter　in　love　with　you？”
〃of　course　not；〃　i　answered。
〃well；　you　know　i　understand　both　of　you。　but　you　must　be　the　one　to　show　restraint；
dont　go　upstairs　so　often；　dont　encourage　him　more　than　you　can　help。　in　matters　like　these；　its　always　the　man　who　takes　the　active　role；　and　its　up　to　the　woman　to　set　the　limits。　outside；　where　youre　free；　things　are　quite　different。　you　see　other　boys　and　girls；　you　can　go　outdoors；　take　part　in　sports　and　all　kinds　of　activities。　but　here；　if　youre　together　too　much　and　want　to　get　away；　you　cant。　you　see　each　other　every　hour　of　the　day…all　the　time；　in　fact。　be　careful；　anne；　and　dont　take　it　too　seriously！
〃i　dont；　father；　but　peters　a　decent　boy；　a　nice　boy。”
〃yes；　but　he　doesnt　have　much　strength　of　character。　he　can　easily　be　influenced　to　do　good；　but　also　to　do　bad。　i　hope　for　his　sake　that　he　stays　good；　because　hes　basically　a　good　person。〃
we　talked　some　more　and　agreed　that　father　would　speak　to　him　too。
sunday　afternoon　when　we　were　in　the　front　attic；　peter　asked；　〃have　you　talked　to　your　father　yet；　anne？”
〃yes；〃　i　replied；　〃ill　tell　you　all　about　it。　he　doesnt　think　its　wrong；　but　he　says　that　here；　where　were　in　such　close　quarters；　it　could　lead　to　conflicts。”
〃weve　already　agreed　not　to　quarrel；　and　i　plan　to　keep　my　promise。”
〃me　too；　peter。　but　father　didnt　think　we　were　serious；　he　thought　we　were　just　friends。　do　you　think　we　still　can　be？”
〃yes；　i　do。　how　about　you？”
〃me　too。　i　also　told　father　that　i　trust　you。　i　do　trust　you；　peter；　just　as　much　as　i　do　father。　and　i　think　youre　worthy　of　my　trust。　you　are；　arent　you？”
〃i　hope　so。〃　（he　was　very　shy；　and　blushing。）
〃i　believe　in　you；　peter；〃　i　continued。　〃i　believe　you　have　a　good　character　and　that　youll　get　ahead　in　this　world。”
after　that　we　talked　about　other　things。　later　i　said；　〃if　we　ever　get　out　of　here；　i　know　you　wont　give　me　another　thought。”
he　got　all　fired　up。　〃thats　not　true；　anne。　oh　no；　i　wont　let　you　even　think　that　about　me！?