《安妮日记》第75章

he　got　all　fired　up。　〃thats　not　true；　anne。　oh　no；　i　wont　let　you　even　think　that　about　me！”
just　then　somebody　called　us。
father　did　talk　to　him；　he　told　me　monday。　〃your　father　thought　our　friendship　might　turn　into　love；〃　he　said。　〃but　i　told　him　wed　keep　ourselves　under　control。”
father　wants　me　to　stop　going　upstairs　so　often；　but　i　dont　want　to。　not　just　because　i　like　being　with　peter；　but　because　ive　said　i　trust　him。　i　do　trust　him；　and　i　want　to　prove　it　to　him；　but　ill　never　be　able　to　if　i　stay　downstairs　out　of　distrust。
no；　im　going！
in　the　meantime；　the　dussel　drama　has　been　resolved。　saturday　evening　at　dinner　he
apologized　in　beautiful　dutch。　mr。　van　daan　was　immediately　reconciled。　dussel　must　have　spent　all　day　practicing　his　speech。
sunday；　his　birthday；　passed　without　incident。　we　gave　him　a　bottle　of　good　wine　from　1919；　the　van　daans　（who　can　now　give　their　gift　after　all）　presented　him　with　a　jar　of　piccalilli　and　a　package　of　razor　blades；　and　mr。　kugler　gave　him　a　jar　of　lemon　syrup　（to　make　lemonade）；　miep　a　book；　little　martin；　and　bep　a　plant。　he　treated　everyone　to　an　egg。
yours；　anne　
m。　frank
wednesday；　may　3；　1944
dearest　kitty；
first　the　weekly　news！　were　having　a　vacation　from　politics。　theres　nothing；　and　i　mean　absolutely　nothing；　to　report。　im　also　gradually　starting　to　believe　that　the　invasion　will　e。　after　all；　they　cant　let　the　russians　do　all　the　dirty　work；
actually；　the　russians　arent　doing　anything　at　the　moment　either。
mr。　kleiman　es　to　the　office　every　morning　now。　he　got　a　new　set　of　springs　for　peters　divan；　so　peter　will　have　to　get　to　work　reupholstering　it；　not　surprisingly；　he　isnt　at　all　in　the　mood。　mr。　kleiman　also　brought　some　flea　powder　for　the　cats。
have　i　told　you　that　our　boche　has　disappeared？　we　havent　seen　hide　nor　hair　of　her　since　last　thursday。　shes　probably　already　in　cat　heaven；　while　some　animal　lover　has　turned　her　into　a　tasty　dish。　perhaps　some　girl　who　can　afford　it　will　be　wearing　a　cap　made　of　boches　fur。　peter　is　heartbroken。
for　the　last　two　weeks　weve　been　eating　lunch　at　eleven…thirty　on　saturdays；　in　the　mornings　we　have　to　make　do　with　a　cup　of　hot　cereal。　starting　tomorrow　itll　be　like　this　every　day；　that　saves　us　a　meal。　vegetables　are　still　very　hard　to　e　by。　this　afternoon　we　had　rotten　boiled　lettuce。　ordinary　lettuce；　spinach　and　boiled　let…　tuce；　thats　all　there　is。　add　to　that　rotten　potatoes；　and　you　have　a　meal　fit　for　a　king！
i　hadnt　had　my　period　for　more　than　two　months；　but　it　finally　started　last　sunday。
despite　the　mess　and　bother；　im　glad　it　hasnt　deserted　me。
as　you　can　no　doubt　imagine；　we　often　say　in　despair；　〃whats　the　point　of　the　war？
why；　oh；　why　cant　people　live　together　peacefully？　why　all　this　destruction？〃
the　question　is　understandable；　but　up　to　now　no　one　has　e　up　with　a　satisfactory　answer。　why　is　england　manufacturing　bigger　and　better　airplanes　and　bombs　and　at　the　same　time　churning　out　new　houses　for　reconstruction？　why　are　millions　spent　on　the　war　each　day；　while　not　a　penny　is　available　for　medical　science；　artists　or　the　poor？　why　do　people　have　to　starve　when　mountains　of　food　are　rotting　away　in　other　parts　of　the　world？　oh；　why　are　people　so　crazy？
i　dont　believe　the　war　is　simply　the　work　of　politicians　and　capitalists。　oh　no；　the　mon　man　is　every　bit　as　guilty；　otherwise；　people　and　nations　would　have　re…　belled　long　ago！　theres　a　destructive　urge　in　people；　the　urge　to　rage；　murder　and　kill。　and　until　all　of　humanity；　without　exception；　undergoes　a　metamorphosis；　wars　will　continue　to　be　waged；　and　everything　that　has　been　carefully　built　up；　cultivated　and　grown　will　be　cut　down　and　destroyed；　only　to　start　allover　again！
ive　often　been　down　in　the　dumps；　but　never　desperate。　i　look　upon　our　life　in　hiding　as　an　interesting　adventure；　full　of　danger　and　romance；　and　every　privation　as　an　amusing　addition　to　my　diary。　ive　made　up　my　mind　to　lead　a　different　life　from　other　girls；　and　not　to　bee　an　ordinary　housewife　later　on。　what　im　experiencing　here　is　a　good　beginning　to　an　interesting　life；　and　thats　the　reason　……　the　only　reason　……　why　i　have　to　laugh　at　the　humorous　side　of　the　most　dangerous　moments。
im　young　and　have　many　hidden　qualities；　im　young　and　strong　and　living　through　a　big　adventure；　im　right　in　the　middle　of　it　and　cant　spend　all　day　plaining　because　its　impossible　to　have　any　fun！　im　blessed　with　many　things：　happiness；　a　cheerful　disposition　and　strength。　every　day　i　feel　myself　maturing；　i　feel　liberation　drawing　near；　i　feel　the　beauty　of　nature　and　the　goodness　of　the　people　around　me。　every　day　i　think　what　a　fascinating　and　amusing　adventure　this　is！　with　all　that；　why　should　i　despair？
yours；　anne　
m。　frank
friday；　may　5；　1944
dear　kitty；
fathers　unhappy　with　me。　after　our　talk　on　sunday　he　thought　id　stop　going　upstairs　every　evening。　he　wont　have　any　of　that　〃knutscherej〃　＇　necking＇　going　on。　i　cant　stand　that　word。　talking　about　it　was　bad　enough　……　why　does　he　have　to　make　me　feel　bad　too！　ill　have　a　word　with　him　today。　margot　gave　me　some　good　advice。
heres　more　or　less　what　id　like　to　say：
i　think　you　expect　an　explanation　from　me；　father；　so　ill　give　you　one。　youre　disap…　pointed　in　me；　you　expected　more　restraint　from　me；　you　no　doubt　want　me　to　act　the　way　a　fourteen…year…old　is　supposed　to。　but　thats　where　youre　wrong！
since　weve　been　here；　from　july　1942　until　a　few　weeks　ago；　i　havent　had　an　easy　time。　if　only　you　knew　how　much　i　used　to　cry　at　night；　how　unhappy　and　despondent　i　was；　how　lonely　i　felt；　youd　understand　my　wanting　to　go　upstairs！　ive　now　reached　the　point　where　i　dont　need　the　support　of　mother　or　anyone　else。　it　didnt　happen　overnight。　ive　struggled　long　and　hard　and　shed　many　tears　to　bee　as　independent　as　i　am　now。　you　can　laugh　and　refuse　to　believe　me；　but　i　dont　care。　i　know　im　an　independent　person；　and　i　dont　feel　i　need　to　account　to　you　for　my　actions。　im　only　telling　you　this　because　i　dont　want　you　to　think　im　doing　things　behind　your　back。　but　theres　only　one　person　im　accountable　to；　and　thats　me。
when　i　was　having　problems；　e