《安妮日记》第76章

e。
when　i　was　having　problems；　everyone　……　and　that　includes　you　……　closed　their　eyes　and　ears　and　didnt　help　me。　on　the　contrary；　all　i　ever　got　were　admonitions　not　to　be　so　noisy。　i　was　noisy　only　to　keep　myself　from　being　miserable　all　the　time。　i　was　overconfident　to　keep　from　having　to　listen　to　the　voice　inside　me。　ive　been　putting　on　an　act　for　the　last　year　and　a　half；　day　in；　day　out。　ive　never　plained　or　dropped　my　mask；　nothing　of　the　kind；　and　now。　。　。　now　the　battle　is　over。　ive　won！　im　independent；　in　both　body　and　mind。　i　dont　need　a　mother　anymore；　and　ive　emerged　from　the　struggle　a　stronger　person。
now　that　its　over；　now　that　i　know　the　battle　has　been　won；　i　want　to　go　my　own　way；　to　follow　the　path　that　seems　right　to　me。　dont　think　of　me　as　a　fourteen…year…old；　since　all　these　troubles　have　made　me　older；　i　wont　regret　my　actions；　ill　behave　the　way　i　think　i　should！
gentle　persuasion　wont　keep　me　from　going　upstairs。　youll　either　have　to　forbid　it；　or　trust　me　through　thick　and　thin。　whatever　you　do；　just　leave　me　alone！
yours；　anne　
m。　frank
saturday；　may　6；　1944
dearest　kitty；
last　night　before　dinner　i　tucked　the　letter　id　written　into　fathers　pocket。　according　to　margot；　he　read　it　and　was　upset　for　the　rest　of　the　evening。　（i　was　upstairs　doing　the　dishes！）　poor　pim；　i　might　have　known　what　the　effect　of　such　an　epistle　would
be。　hes　so　sensitive！　i　immediately　told　peter　not　to　ask　any　questions　or　say　anything　more。　pims　said　nothing　else　to　me　about　the　matter。　is　he　going　to？
everything　here　is　more　or　less　back　to　normal。　we　can　hardly　believe　what　jan；　mr。
kugler　and　mr。　kleiman　tell　us　about　the　prices　and　the　people　on　the　outside；　half　a　pound　of　tea　costs　350。00　guilders；　half　a　pound　of　coffee　80。00　guilders；　a　pound　of　butter　35。00　guilders；　one　egg　1。45　guilders。　people　are　paying　14。00　guilders　an　ounce　for　bulgarian　tobacco！　everyones　trading　on　the　black　market；　every　errand　boy　has　something　to　offer。　the　delivery　boy　from　the　bakery　has　supplied　us　with　darning　thread…90　cents　for　one　measly　skein…the　milkman　can　get　hold　of　ration　books；　an　undertaker　delivers　cheese。　break…ins；　murders　and　thefts　are　daily　occurrences。　even　the　police　and　night　watchmen　are　getting　in　on　the　act。　everyone　wants　to　put　food　in　their　stomachs；　and　since　salaries　have　been　frozen；　people　have　had　to　resort　to　swindling。　the　police　have　their　hands　full　trying　to　track　down　the　many　girls　of　fifteen；　sixteen；　seventeen　and　older　who　are　reported　missing　every　day。
i　want　to　try　to　finish　my　story　about　ellen；　the　fairy。　just　for　fun；　i　can　give　it　to　father　on　his　birthday；　together　with　all　the　copyrights。
see　you　later！　（actually；　thats　not　the　right　phrase。　in　the　german　program　broadcast　from　england　they　always　close　with　〃aufwiederhoren。〃　so　i　guess　i　should　say；　〃until　we　write　again。〃）
yours；　anne　
m。　frank
sunday　morning；　may　7；1944
dearest　kitty；
father　and　i　had　a　long　talk　yesterday　afternoon。　i　cried　my　eyes　out；　and　he　cried　too。　do　you　know　what　he　said　to　me；　kitty？
〃ive　received　many　letters　in　my　lifetime；　but　none　as　hurtful　as　this。　you；　who　have　had　so　much　love　from　your　parents。　you；　whose　parents　have　always　been　ready　to　help　you；　who　have　always　defended　you；　no　matter　what。　you　talk　of　not　having　to　account　to　us　for　your　actions！　you　feel　youve　been　wronged　and　left　to　your　own　devices。　no；　anne；　youve　done　us　a　great　injustice！
〃perhaps　you　didnt　mean　it　that　way；　but　thats　what　you　wrote。　no；　anne；　we　have　done　nothing　to　deserve　such　a　reproach！〃
oh；　ive　failed　miserably。　this　is　the　worst　thing　ive　ever　done　in　my　entire　life。　i　used　my　tears　to　show　off；　to　make　myself　seem　important　so　hed　respect　me。　ive　certainly　had　my　share　of　unhappiness；　and　everything　i　said　about　mother　is　true。　but　to　accuse　pim；　whos　so　good　and　whos　done　everything　for　me…no；　that　was　too　cruel　for　words。
its　good　that　somebody　has　finally　cut　me　down　to　size；　has　broken　my　pride；　because　ive　been　far　too　smug。　not　everything　mistress　anne　does　is　good！　any…　one　who　deliberately　causes　such　pain　to　someone　they　say　they　love　is　despicable；　the　lowest　of　the　low！
what　im　most　ashamed　of　is　the　way　father　has　forgiven　me；　he　said　hes　going　to　throw　the　letter　in　the　stove；　and　hes　being　so　nice　to　me　now；　as　if　he　were　the　one　whod　done　something　wrong。　well；　anne；　you　still　have　a　lot　to　learn。　its　time　you　made　a　beginning；　in…　stead　of　looking　down　at　others　and　always　giving　them　the　blame！
ive　known　a　lot　of　sorrow；　but　who　hasnt　at　my　age？　ive　been　putting　on　an　act；　but　was　hardly　even　aware　of　it。　ive　felt　lonely；　but　never　desperate！　not　like　father；　who　once　ran　out　into　the　street　with　a　knife　so　he　could　put　an　end　to　it　all。　ive　never　gone　that　far。
i　should　be　deeply　ashamed　of　myself；　and　i　am。　whats　done　cant　be　undone；　but　at　least　you　can　keep　it　from　happening　again。　id　like　to　start　all　over；　and　that　shouldnt　be　difficult；　now　that　i　have　peter。　with　him　supporting　me；　i　know　i　can　do　it！　im　not　alone　anymore。　he　loves　me；　i　love　him；　i　have　my　books；　my　writing　and　my　diary。　im　not　all　that　ugly；　or　that　stupid；　i　have　a　sunny　disposition；　and　i　want　to　develop　a　good　character！
yes；　anne；　you　knew　full　well　that　your　letter　was　unkind　and　untrue；　but　you　were　actually　proud　of　it！　ill　take　father　as　my　example　once　again；　and　i　will　improve　myself。
yours；　anne　
m。　frank
monday；　may　8；　1944
dearest　kitty；
have　i　ever　told　you　anything　about　our　family？　i　dont　think　i　have；　so　let　me　begin。
father　was　born　in　frankfurt　am　main　to　very　wealthy　parents：　michael　frank　owned
a　bank　and　became　a　millionaire；　and　alice　sterns　parents　were　prominent　and　well…to…do。　michael　frank　didnt　start　out　rich；　he　was　a　self…made　man。　in　his　youth　father　led　the　life　of　a　rich　mans　son。　parties　every　week；　balls；　banquets；　beautiful　girls；　waltzing；　dinners；　a　huge　house；　etc。　after　grandpa　died；　most　of　the　money　was　lost；　and　after　the　great　war　and　inflation　there　was　nothing　left　at　all。　up　until　the　war　there　were　still　quite　a　few　rich　relatives。　so　father　was　extremely　well…bred；　and