《THE AMBER SPYGLASS》第122章

〃when　you　stopped　believing　in　god；〃　he　went　on；　〃did　you　stop　believing　in　good　and　evil？〃
〃no。　but　i　stopped　believing　there　was　a　power　of　good　and　a　power　of　evil　that　were　outside　us。　and　i　came　to　believe　that　good　and　evil　are　names　for　what　people　do；　not　for　what　they　are。　all　we　can　say　is　that　this　is　a　good　deed；　because　it　helps　someone；　or　thats　an　evil　one；　because　it　hurts　them。　people　are　too　plicated　to　have　simple　labels。〃
〃yes；〃　said　lyra　firmly。
〃did　you　miss　god？〃　asked　will。
〃yes；〃　mary　said；　〃terribly。　and　i　still　do。　and　what　i　miss　most　is　the　sense　of　being　connected　to　the　whole　of　the　universe。　i　used　to　feel　i　was　connected　to　god　like　that；　and　because　he　was　there；　i　was　connected　to　the　whole　of　his　creation。　but　if　hes　not　there；　then。。。〃
far　out　on　the　marshes；　a　bird　called　with　a　long；　melancholy　series　of　falling　tones。　embers　settled　in　the　fire；　the　grass　was　stirring　faintly　with　the　night　breeze。　atal　seemed　to　be　dozing　like　a　cat；　her　wheels　flat　on　the　grass　beside　her；　her　legs　folded　under　her　body；　eyes　half…closed；　attention　half…there　and　half…elsewhere。　will　was　lying　on　his　back；　eyes　open　to　the　stars。
as　for　lyra；　she　hadnt　moved　a　muscle　since　that　strange　thing　had　happened；　and　she　held　the　memory　of　the　sensation　inside　her。　she　didnt　know　what　it　was；　or　what　it　meant；　or　where　it　had　e
from；　so　she　sat　hugging　her　knees；　and　tried　to　stop　herself　from　trembling。　soon；　she　thought；　soon　ill　know。
mary　was　tired；　she　had　run　out　of　stories。　no　doubt　shed　think　of　more　tomorrow。
/d/
THIRTY…FOUR　…　THERE　IS　NOW
：
mary　couldnt　sleep。　every　time　she　closed　her　eyes；　something　made　her　sway　and　lurch　as　if　she　were　at　the　brink　of　a　precipice；　and　she　snapped　awake；　tense　with　fear。
this　happened　three；　four；　five　times；　until　she　realized　that　sleep　was　not　going　to　e；　so　she　got　up　and　dressed　quietly；　and　stepped　out　of　the　house　and　away　from　the　tree　with　its　tentlike　branches　under　which　will　and　lyra　were　sleeping。
the　moon　was　bright　and　high　in　the　sky。　there　was　a　lively　wind；　and　the　great　landscape　was　mottled　with　cloud…shadows；　moving；　mary　thought；　like　the　migration　of　some　herd　of　unimaginable　beasts。　but　animals　migrated　for　a　purpose；　when　you　saw　herds　of　reindeer　moving　across　the　tundra；　or　wildebeest　crossing　the　savanna；　you　knew　they　were　going　where　the　food　was；　or　to　places　where　it　was　good　to　mate　and　bear　offspring。　their　movement　had　a　meaning。　these　clouds　were　moving　as　the　result　of　pure　chance；　the　effect　of　utterly　random　events　at　the　level　of　atoms　and　molecules；　their　shadows　speeding　over　the　grassland　had　no　meaning　at　all。
nevertheless；　they　looked　as　if　they　did。　they　looked　tense　and　driven　with　purpose。　the　whole　night　did。　mary　felt　it；　too；　except　that　she　didnt　know　what　that　purpose　was。　but　unlike　her；　the　clouds　seemed　to　know　what　they　were　doing　and　why；　and　the　wind　knew；　and　the　grass　knew。　the　entire　world　was　alive　and　conscious。
mary　climbed　the　slope　and　looked　back　across　the　marshes；　where　the　ining　tide　laced　a　brilliant　silver　through　the　glistening　dark　of　the　mudflats　and　the　reed　beds。　the　cloud…shadows　were　very　clear　down　there；　they　looked　as　if　they　were　fleeing　something　frightful　behind　them；　or　hastening　to　embrace　something　wonderful　ahead。　but　what　that　was；　mary　would　never　know。
she　turned　toward　the　grove　where　her　climbing　tree　stood。　it　was　twenty　minutes　walk　away；　she　could　see　it　clearly；　towering　high　and　tossing　its　great　head　in　a　dialogue　with　the　urgent　wind。　they　had　things　to　say；　and　she　couldnt　hear　them。
she　hurried　toward　it；　moved　by　the　excitement　of　the　night；　and　desperate　to　join　in。　this　was　the　very　thing　shed　told　will　about　when　he　asked　if　she　missed　god：　it　was　the　sense　that　the　whole　universe　was　alive；　and　that　everything　was　connected　to　everything　else　by　threads　of　meaning。　when　shed　been　a　christian；　she　had　felt　connected；　too；　but　when　she　left　the　church；　she　felt　loose　and　free　and　light；　in　a　universe　without　purpose。
and　then　had　e　the　discovery　of　the　shadows　and　her　journey　into　another　world；　and　now　this　vivid　night；　and　it　was　plain　that　everything　was　throbbing　with　purpose　and　meaning；　but　she　was　cut　off　from　it。　and　it　was　impossible　to　find　a　connection；　because　there　was　no　god。
half　in　exultation　and　half　in　despair；　she　resolved　to　climb　her　tree　and　try　once　again　to　lose　herself　in　the　dust。
but　before　shed　even　gone　halfway　to　the　grove　she　heard　a　different　sound　among　the　lashing　of　the　leaves　and　the　streaming　of　the　wind　through　the　grass。　something　was　groaning；　a　deep；　somber　note　like　an　organ。　and　above　that；　the　sound　of　cracking；　snapping　and　breaking；　and　the　squeal　and　scream　of　wood　on　wood。
surely　it　couldnt　be　her　tree？
she　stopped　where　she　was；　in　the　open　grassland；　with　the　wind　lashing　her　face　and　the　cloud…shadows　racing　past　her　and　the　tall　grasses　whipping　her　thighs；　and　watched　the　canopy　of　the　grove。　boughs　groaned；　twigs　snapped；　great　balks　of　green　wood　snapped　off　like　dry　sticks　and　fell　all　the　long　way　to　the　ground；　and　then　the　crown　itself；　the　crown　of　the　very　tree　she　knew　so　well；　leaned　and　leaned
and　slowly　began　to　topple。
every　fiber　in　the　trunk；　the　bark；　the　roots　seemed　to　cry　out　separately　against　this　murder。　but　it　fell　and　fell；　all　the　great　length　of　it　smashed　its　way　out　of　the　grove　and　seemed　to　lean　toward　mary　before　crashing　into　the　ground　like　a　wave　against　a　breakwater；　and　the　colossal　trunk　rebounded　up　a　little　way；　and　settled　down　finally；　with　a　groaning　of　torn　wood。
she　ran　up　to　touch　the　tossing　leaves。　there　was　her　rope；　there　were　the　splintered　ruins　of　her　platform。　her　heart　thudding　painfully；　she　climbed　in　among　the　fallen　branches；　hauling　herself　through　the　familiar　boughs　at　their　unfamiliar　angles；　and　balanced　herself　as　high　up　as　she　could　get。
she　braced　herself　against　a　branch　and　took　out　the　spyglass。　through　it　she　saw　two　quite　different　movements　in　the　sky。
one　was　that　of　the　clouds；　driven　across　the　moon　in　one　direction；　and　the　other　was　that　of　the