《THE AMBER SPYGLASS》第134章

tightly　as　the　angel　came　toward　them；　with　the　light　of　another　world　shining　on　her。　she　was　unclothed；　but　that　meant　nothing。　what　clothes　could　an　angel　wear　anyway？　lyra　thought。　it　was　impossible　to　tell　if　she　was　old　or　young；　but　her　expression　was　austere　and　passionate；　and　both　will　and　lyra　felt　as　if　she　knew　them　to　their　hearts。
〃will；〃　she　said；　〃i　have　e　to　ask　your　help。〃
〃my　help？　how　can　i　help　you？〃
〃i　want　you　to　show　me　how　to　close　the　openings　that　the　knife　makes。〃
will　swallowed。　〃ill　show　you；〃　he　said；　〃and　in　return；　can　you　help　us？〃
〃not　in　the　way　you　want。　i　can　see　what　youve　been　talking　about。　your　sorrow　has　left　traces　in　the　air。　this　is　no　fort；　but　believe　me；　every　single　being　who　knows　of　your　dilemma　wishes　things　could　be　otherwise；　but　there　are　fates　that　even　the　most　powerful　have　to　submit　to。　there　is　nothing　i　can　do　to　help　you　change　the　way　things　are。〃
〃why。。。”　lyra　began；　and　found　her　voice　weak　and　trembling；　〃why　cant　i　read　the　alethiometer　anymore？　why　cant　i　even　do　that？　that　was　the　one　thing　i　could　do　really　well；　and　its　just　not　there　anymore；　it　just　vanished　as　if　it　had　never　e。。。〃
〃you　read　it　by　grace；〃　said　xaphania；　looking　at　her；　〃and　you　can　regain　it　by　work。〃
〃how　long　will　that　take？〃
〃a　lifetime。〃
〃that　long。。。〃
〃but　your　reading　will　be　even　better　then；　after　a　lifetime　of　thought　and　effort；　because　it　will　e　from　conscious　understanding。　grace　attained　like　that　is　deeper　and　fuller　than　grace　that　es　freely；　and　furthermore；　once　youve　gained　it；　it　will　never　leave　you。〃
〃you　mean　a　full　lifetime；　dont　you？〃　lyra　whispered。　〃a　whole　long　life？　not。。。　not　just。。。　a　few　years。。。〃
〃yes；　i　do；〃　said　the　angel。
〃and　must　all　the　windows　be　closed？〃　said　will。　〃every　single　one　？〃
〃understand　this；〃　said　xaphania：　〃dust　is　not　a　constant。　theres　not　a　fixed　quantity　that　has　always　been　the　same。　conscious　beings　make　dust；　they　renew　it　all　the　time；　by　thinking　and　feeling　and　reflecting；　by　gaining　wisdom　and　passing　it　on。
〃and　if　you　help　everyone　else　in　your　worlds　to　do　that；　by　helping　them　to　learn　and　understand　about　themselves　and　each　other　and　the　way　everything　works；　and　by　showing　them　how　to　be　kind　instead　of　cruel；　and　patient　instead　of　hasty；　and　cheerful　instead　of　surly；　and　above　all　how　to　keep　their　minds　open　and　free　and　curious。。。　then　they　will　renew　enough　to　replace　what　is　lost　through　one　window。　so　there　could　be　one　left　open。〃
will　trembled　with　excitement；　and　his　mind　leapt　to　a　single　point：　to　a　new　window　in　the　air　between　his　world　and　lyras。　and　it　would　be　their　secret；　and　they　could　go　through　whenever　they　chose；　and　live　for　a　while　in　each　others　worlds；　not　living　fully　in　either；　so　their　daemons　would　keep　their　health；　and　they　could　grow　up　together　and　maybe；　much　later　on；　they　might　have　children；　who　would　be　secret　citizens　of　two　worlds；　and　they　could　bring　all　the　learning　of　one　world　into　the　other；　they　could　do　all　kinds　of　good。。。
but　lyra　was　shaking　her　head。
〃no；〃　she　said　in　a　quiet　wail；　〃we　cant；　will。。。”
and　he　suddenly　knew　her　thought；　and　in　the　same　anguished　tone；　he　said；　〃no；　the　dead。。。”
〃we　must　leave　it　open　for　them！　we　must！〃
〃yes；　otherwise。。。〃
〃and　we　must　make　enough　dust　for　them；　will；　and　keep　the　window　open。。。”
she　was　trembling。　she　felt　very　young　as　he　held　her　to　his　side。
〃and　if　we　do；〃　he　said　shakily；　〃if　we　live　our　lives　properly　and　think　about　them　as　we　do；　then　therell　be　something　to　tell　the　harpies　about　as　well。　weve　got　to　tell　people　that；　lyra。〃
〃the　true　stories；　yes；〃　she　said；　〃the　true　stories　the　harpies　want　to　hear　in　exchange。　yes。　so　if　people　live　their　whole　lives　and　theyve　got　nothing　to　tell　about　it　when　theyve　finished；　then　theyll　never　leave　the　world　of　the　dead。　weve　got　to　tell　them　that；　will。〃
〃alone；　though。。。〃
〃yes；〃　she　said；　〃alone。〃
and　at　the　word　alone；　will　felt　a　great　wave　of　rage　and　despair　moving　outward　from　a　place　deep　within　him；　as　if　his　mind　were　an　ocean　that　some　profound　convulsion　had　disturbed。　all　his　life　hed　been　alone；　and　now　he　must　be　alone　again；　and　this　infinitely　precious　blessing　that　had　e　to　him　must　be　taken　away　almost　at　once。　he　felt　the　wave　build　higher　and　steeper　to　darken　the　sky；　he　felt　the　crest　tremble　and　begin　to　spill；　he　felt　the　great　mass　crashing　down　with　the　whole　weight　of　the　ocean　behind　it　against　the　iron…bound　coast　of　what　had　to　be。　and　he　found　himself　gasping　and　shaking　and　crying　aloud　with　more　anger　and　pain　than　he　had　ever　felt　in　his　life；　and　he　found　lyra　just　as　helpless　in　his　arms。　but　as　the　wave　expended　its　force　and　the　waters　withdrew；　the　bleak　rocks　remained；　there　was　no　arguing　with　fate；　neither　his　despair　nor　lyras　had　moved　them　a　single　inch。
how　long　his　rage　lasted；　he　had　no　idea。　but　eventually　it　had　to　subside；　and　the　ocean　was　a　little　calmer　after　the　convulsion。　the　waters　were　still　agitated；　and　perhaps　they　would　never　be　truly　calm　again；　but　the　great　force　had　gone。
they　turned　to　the　angel　and　saw　she　had　understood；　and　that　she　felt　as　sorrowful　as　they　did。　but　she　could　see　farther　than　they　could；　and　there　was　a　calm　hope　in　her　expression；　too。
will　swallowed　hard　and　said；　〃all　right。　ill　show　you　how　to　close　a　window。　but　ill　have　to　open　one　first；　and　make　another　specter。　i　never　knew　about　them；　or　else　id　have　been　more　careful。〃
〃we　shall　take　care　of　the　specters；〃　said　xaphania。　will　took　the　knife　and　faced　the　sea。　to　his　surprise；　his　hands　were　quite　steady。　he　cut　a　window　into　his　own　world；　and　they　found　themselves　looking　at　a　great　factory　or　chemical　plant；　where　plicated　pipe　work　ran　between　buildings　and　storage　tanks；　where　lights　glowed　at　every　corner；　where　wisps　of　steam　rose　into　the　air。
〃its　strange　to　think　that　angels　dont　know　the　way　to　do　this；〃　will　said。
〃the　knife　was　a　human　invention。〃
〃and　youre　going　to　close　them　all　except　one；〃　will　said。　〃all　except　the　one　from　the　world　of　the　dead。〃
〃yes；　that　is　a　promise。　but　it　is