《阿甘正传(英文版)》第34章

yellow　rose　of　texas〃　an　〃i　dream　of　jeannie　with　the　light　brown　hair。〃　ape　is　lyin　there
lookin　at　me；　peaceful　as　a　baby。　i　forget　there　is　a　tv　camera　in　the　spaceship　an　they　is　pickin　all
this　up　down　there　at　groun　control。　nex　mornin　when　i　wake　up　somebody　hole　up　a　newspaper
in　front　of　the　camera　down　in　houston　for　us　to　see。　the　headline　say；　〃idiot　plays　space　music
to　soothe　ape。〃　that　is　the　sort　of　shit　i　has　got　to　contend　with。
anyhow；　things　are　goin　along　pretty　good；　but　i　been　noticin　that　ole　sue　is　lookin　at　major
fritch　in　a　kind　of　strange　way。　ever　time　she　get　near　him；　sue　sort　of　perk　up　an　be　reachin　out
like　he　wants　to　grap　her　or　somethin；　an　she　start　bitchin　at　him—　〃git　away　from　me　you　awful
thing。　keep　your　hans　to　yoursef！〃　but　ole　sue　has　got　somethin　in　mind。　that　much　i　can　tell。
it　ain'；t　long　before　i　find　out　what　it　is。　i　have　gone　behin　this　little　partition　to　take　a　pee　in
a　jar　in　private；　when　all　of　a　sudden　i　hear　this　motion。　i　stick　my　head　aroun　the　partition　an
sue　has　managed　to　grap　a　holt　of　major　fritch　an　he　has　got　his　han　down　in　her　space　suit。　she
is　yellin　an　hollerin　to　beat　the　band　an　is　crackin　sue　over　the　head　with　the　radio　microphone。
then　it　dawns　on　me　what　the　problem　is。　wile　we　has　been　up　in　space　for　nearly　two　days；
ole　sue　been　strapped　into　his　seat　an　ain'；t　had　a　chance　to　take　a　leak　or　nothin！　an　i　sure
remember　what　that'；s　like。　he　must　be　bout　to　bust！　anyhow；　i　go　over　an　got　him　away　from
major　fritch　an　she　still　hollerin　an　yellin；　callin　him　a　〃filthy　animal；〃　an　shit　like　that。　when　she
get　loose；　major　fritch　go　up　to　the　front　of　the　cockpit　an　put　her　head　down　an　start　sobbin。　i
unstrap　sue　an　take　him　behin　the　partition　with　me。
i　find　a　empty　bottle　for　him　to　pee　in；　but　after　he　finished；　he　take　the　bottle　an　heave　it
into　a　panel　of　colored　lights　an　it　bust　to　pieces　an　all　the　pee　start　floatin　aroun　in　the　spaceship。
i　say；　to　hell　with　this；　an　start　leadin　sue　back　to　his　seat　when　i　seen　a　big　glob　of　pee　headin
straight　for　major　fritch。　it　look　like　it　gonna　hit　her　in　the　back　of　the　head；　so　i　turn　sue　loose
an　try　to　head　off　the　pee　with　a　net　they　have　give　us　for　catchin　stuff　that'；s　floatin　aroun。　but　jus
as　i　am　bout　to　net　the　glob　of　pee；　major　fritch　sit　back　up　an　turn　aroun　an　it　caught　her　right　in
the　face。
she　start　hollerin　an　bawlin　again　an　in　the　meantime；　sue　has　done　gone　an　started　rippin
out　wires　from　the　control　panel。　major　fritch　is　screamin；　〃stop　him！　stop　him！〃　but　before　you
know　it；　sparks　an　stuff　is　flyin　all　aroun　inside　the　spaceship　an　sue　is　jumpin　from　ceilin　to　floor
tearin　shit　up。　a　voice　e　over　the　radio　wantin　to　know　〃what　in　hell　is　goin　on　up　there？〃　but
by　then　it　is　too　late。
the　spaceship　is　weavin　all　aroun　an　goin　end　over　end　an　me；　sue　an　major　fritch　is　tossed
aroun　like　corks。　can'；t　grap　holt　of　nothin；　can'；t　turn　off　nothin；　can'；t　stan　up　or　set　down。　the
voice　of　groun　control　e　over　the　radio　again；　say；　〃we　is　noticin　some　kine　of　minor
stabilization　trouble　with　your　craft。　forrest；　will　you　manually　insert　the　d…six　program　into　the
starboard　puter？〃
shit—　he　got　to　be　jokin！　i'；m　spinnin　aroun　like　a　top　an　i　got　a　wild　ape　loose　in　here　to
boot！　major　fritch　is　hollerin　so　loud　i　cannot　hear　or　even　think　nothin；　but　the　gist　of　what　she
is　hollerin　seem　to　be　that　we　is　bout　to　crash　an　burn。　i　managed　to　get　a　glance　out　of　the
winder；　an　in　fact　things　don'；t　look　good。　that　earth　in　up　on　us　mighty　fast。
somehow　i　managed　to　get　to　where　the　starboard　puter　is；　an　hold　on　to　the　panel　with
one　han　an　i'；m　puttin　d…six　into　the　machine。　it　is　a　program　designed　to　land　the　spaceship
in　the　indian　ocean　in　case　we　get　in　trouble；　which　we　certainly　is　now。
major　fritch　an　ole　sue　be　holdin　on　for　dear　life；　but　major　fritch　holler　out；　〃what　is　you
doin　over　there？〃　when　i　tole　her；　she　say；　〃forgit　that；　you　stupid　turd—　we　is　already　done
passed　over　the　indian　ocean。　wait　till　we　go　roun　again　an　see　if　you　can　set　us　down　in　the
south　pacific。〃
believe　it　or　not；　it　don'；t　take　much　time　to　go　roun　the　world　when　you　is　in　a　spaceship；　an
major　fritch　has　grapped　holt　to　the　radio　microphone　an　is　hollerin　at　them　people　at　groun
control　that　we　is　headed　for　either　a　splash…down　or　crash…down　in　the　south　pacific　ocean　an　to
e　get　us　as　soon　as　they　can。　i'；m　punchin　buttons　like　crazy　an　that　big　ole　earth　is　loomin
closer。　we　fly　over　somethin　major　fritch　thinks　look　like　south　america　an　then　there　be　only
water　again；　with　the　south　pole　off　to　our　left　an　australia　up　ahead。
then　everthing　get　scorchin　hot；　an　funny　little　souns　are　in　from　the　outside　of　the
spaceship　an　it　start　shakin　an　hissin　an　the　earth　is　dead　up　ahead。　major　fritch　shout　to　me；
〃pull　the　parachute　lever！〃　but　i　am　pinned　in　my　seat。　an　she　is　pressed　up　against　the　ceilin　of
the　cabin；　an　so　it　look　like　it'；s　curtains　for　us；　since　we　is　goin　bout　ten　thousan　miles　a　hour；　an
headed　straight　for　a　big　ole　green　blob　of　land　in　the　ocean。　we　hit　that　goin　this　fast；　ain'；t　even
gonna　be　a　grease　spot　lef。
but　then　all　of　a　sudden　somethin　go　〃pop〃　an　the　spaceship　slow　down。　i　look　over；　an
damn　if　ole　sue　ain'；t　pulled　the　parachute　lever　hissef　an　saved　our　asses。　i　remind　mysef　then　an
there　to　feed　him　a　banana　when　all　this　shit　is　over。
anyhow；　the　spaceship　be　swingin　back　an　forth　under　the　parachute；　an　it　look　like　we　is
gonna　hit　the　big　ole　green　blob　of　land—　which　apparently　ain'；t　so　good　neither；　since　we　is
sposed　only　to　hit　water　an　then　ships　will　pick　us　up。　but　ain'；t　nothin　gone　right　from　the　time
we　set　foot　in　this　contraption；　so　why　should　anybody　expect　it　to　now？
major　fritch　is　on　the　radio　an　sayin　to　groun　control；　〃we　is　bout　to　land　on　someplace
north　of　australia　out　in　the　ocean；　but　i　ain'；t　s