《The Thirteenth Tale》第104章

g　adeline　while　they　were　awake；　i　hardly　slept　at　all。　how　peaceful　it　was　in　the　room。　emmeline’s　breathing；　slowing　me　down；　relaxing　me。　and　alongside　it；　the　light　touch　of　air　that　was　the　baby　breathing。　i　remember　listening　to　them；　the　harmony　of　it；　thinking　how　tranquil　it　was；　thinking　of　a　way　of　describing　it—that　was　how　i　always　entertained　myself；　the　putting　into　words　of　things　i　saw　and　heard—and　i　thought　i　would　have　to　describe　how　the　breathing　seemed　to　penetrate　me；　take　over　my　breath；　as　though　we　were　all　part　of　the　same　thing；　me　and　emmeline　and　our　baby；　all　three　one　breath。　it　took　hold　of　me；　this　idea；　and　i　felt　myself　drifting　off　with　them；　into　sleep。
something　woke　me。　like　a　cat　i　was　alert　before　i　ever　had　my　eyes　open。　i　didn’t　move；　kept　my　breathing　regular；　and　watched　adeline　from　between　my　lashes。
she　bent　over　the　cot；　lifted　the　baby　and　was　on　her　way　out　of　the　room。　i　could　have　called　out　to　stop　her。　but　i　didn’t。　if　i　had　cried　out；　she　would　have　postponed　her　plan；　whereas　by　letting　her　go　on　with　it；　i　could　find　out　what　she　intended　and　put　a　stop　to　it　once　and　for　all。　the　baby　stirred　in　her　arms。　he　was　thinking　about　waking　up。　he　didn’t　like　to　be　in　anyone’s　arms　but　emmeline’s；　and　a　baby　is　not　taken　in　by　a　twin。
i　followed　her　downstairs　to　the　library　and　peeped　through　the　door　that　she　had　left　ajar。　the　baby　was　on　the　desk；　next　to　the　pile　of　books　that　were　never　reshelved　because　i　reread　them　so　frequently。　next　to　their　neat　rectangle　i　saw　movement　in　the　folds　of　the　baby’s　blanket。　i　heard　his　muffled　half　grunts。　he　was　awake。
kneeling　by　the　fireside　was　adeline。　she　took　coals　from　the　scuttle；　logs　from　their　place　by　the　hearth；　and　deposited　them　haphazardly　in　the　fireplace。　she　did　not　know　how　to　make　a　proper　fire。　i　had　learned　from　the　missus　the　correct　arrangement　of　paper；　kindling；　coals　and　logs；　adeline’s　fires　were　wild　and　random　affairs　that　ought　not　to　burn　at　all。
the　realization　of　what　she　intended　slowly　unfolded　in　me。　she　would　not　succeed；　would　she？　there　was　only　a　shadow　of　warmth　in　the　ashes；　not　enough　to　relight　coals　or　logs；　and　i　never　left　kindling　or　matches　in　reach。　hers　was　a　mad　fire；　it　couldn’t　catch；　i　knew　it　couldn’t。　but　i　could　not　reassure　myself。　her　desire　for　flames　was　all　the　kindling　she　needed。　all　she　had　to　do　was　look　at　something　for　it　to　spark。　the　incendiary　magic　she　possessed　was　so　strong　she　could　set　fire　to　water　if　she　wanted　to　badly　enough。
in　horror　i　watched　her　place　the　baby　on　the　coals；　still　wrapped　in　his　blanket。
then　she　looked　about　the　room。　what　was　she　after？　when　she　made　for　the　door　and　opened　it；　i　jumped　back　into　the　shadows。　but　she　had　not　discovered　my　spying。　it　was　something　else　she　was　after。　she　turned　into　the　passage　under　the　stairs　and　disappeared。
i　ran　to　the　fireplace　and　removed　the　baby　from　the　pyre。　i　trapped　his　blanket　quickly　around　a　moth…eaten　bolster　from　the　chaise　lounge　and　put　it　on　the　coals　in　his　place。　but　there　was　no　time　to　flee。　i　heard　steps　on　the　stone　flags；　a　dragging　noise　that　was　the　sound　of　a　petrol　can　scraping　on　the　floor；　and　the　door　opened　just　as　i　stepped　back　into　one　of　the　library　bays。
hush；　i　prayed　silently；　don’t　cry　now；　and　i　held　the　infant　close　to　my　body　so　he　would　not　miss　the　warmth　of　his　blanket。
back　at　the　fireplace；　head　on　one　side；　adeline　surveyed　her　fire。　what　was　wrong？　had　she　noticed　the　change？　but　it　appeared　not。　she　looked　around　the　room。　what　was　it　she　wanted？
the　baby　stirred；　a　jerk　of　the　arms；　a　kick　of　the　legs；　a　tensing　of　e　backbone　that　is　so　often　the　precursor　to　a　wail。　i　resettled　him；　：ad　heavy　on　my　shoulder；　i　felt　his　breath　on　my　neck。　don’t　cry。　ease　don’t　cry。　he　was　still　again；　and　i　watched。
my　books。　on　the　desk。　the　ones　i　couldn’t　pass　without　opening　at　random；　for　the　pleasure　of　a　few　words；　a　quick　hello。　how　incongruous　to　see　them　in　her　hands。　adeline　and　books？　it　looked　all　wrong。　even　when　she　opened　the　cover；　i　thought　for　one　long；　bizarre　moment　that　she　was　going　to　read—
she　tore　out　pages　by　the　fistful。　she　scattered　them　all　over　the　desk；　some　slid　off；　onto　the　floor。　when　she　had　done　with　the　ripping；　she　grabbed　handfuls　of　them　and　screwed　them　into　loose　balls。　fast！　she　was　a　whirlwind！　my　neat　little　volumes；　suddenly　a　paper　mountain。　to　think　a　book　could　have　so　much　paper　in　it！　i　wanted　to　cry　out；　but　what？　all　the　words；　the　beautiful　words；　pulled　apart　and　crumpled　up；　and　i；　in　the　shadows；　speechless。
she　gathered　an　armful　and　released　it　onto　the　top　of　the　white　blanket　in　the　fireplace。　three　times　i　watched　her　turn　from　the　desk　to　the　fireplace；　her　arms　full　of　pages；　until　the　hearth　was　heaped　high　with　torn…up　books。　jane　eyre；　wuthering　heights；　the　woman　in　white…　balls　of　paper　toppled　from　the　height　of　the　pyre；　some　rolled　as　far　as　the　carpet；　joining　those　that　she　had　dropped　en　route。
one　came　to　a　stop　at　my　feet；　and　silently　i　dropped　down　to　retrieve　it。
oh！　the　outrageous　sensation　of　crumpled　paper；　words　gone　wild；　flying　in　all　directions；　senseless。　my　heart　broke。
anger　swept　me　up；　it　carried　me　like　a　piece　of　flotsam；　unable　to　see　or　breathe；　it　roared　like　an　ocean　in　my　head。　i　might　have　cried　out；　leaped　like　a　mad　thing　from　my　hiding　place　and　struck　her；　but　i　had　emmeline’s　treasure　in　my　arms；　and　so　i　stood　by　and　watched；　trembling；　weeping　in　silence；　as　her　sister　desecrated　the　treasure　that　was　mine。
at　last　she　was　satisfied　with　her　pyre。　yet　whichever　way　you　looked　at　it；　the　mountain　in　the　hearth　was　madness　itself。　it’s　all　upside　down；　the　missus　would　have　said；　it’ll　never　light—you　want　the　paper　at　the　bottom。　but　even　if　she　had　built　it　properly；　it　would　make　no　difference。　she　couldn’t　light　it：　she　had　no　matches。　and　even　if　she　had　been　able　to　obtain　matches；　still　she　would　not　achieve　her　purpose；　for　the　boy；　her　intended　victim；　was　in　my　arms。　and　the　greatest　madness　of　all：　supposing　i　hadn’t　been　there　to　stop　her？　supposing　i　hadn’t　re