《5 midnight sun午夜阳光》第67章

adage　said　that　things　looked　different　in　the　morning　that　things　changed　when　you　slept　on　them。　Would　I　look　different　to　Bella　in　the　weak　light　of　a　foggy　day？　More　sinister　or　less　sinister　than　I　had　in　the　blackness　of　night？　Had　the　truth　sunk　in　while　she　slept？　Would　she　finally　be　afraid？　Her　dreams　had　been　peaceful；　though；　last　night。　When　she　d　spoken　my　name；　time　and　time　again；　she　d　smiled。　More　than　once　she　d　murmured　a　plea　for　me　to
stay。　Would　that　mean　nothing　today？　I　waited　nervously；　listening　to　the　sounds　of　her　inside　the　house　the　fast；　stumbling　footsteps　on　the　stairs；　the　sharp　rip　of　a　foil　wrapper；　the　contents　of　the　refrigerator　crashing　against　each　other　when　the　door　slammed。　It　sounded　like　she　was　in　a　hurry。　Anxious　to　get　to　school？　The　thought　made　me　smile；　hopeful　again。　I　looked　at　the　clock。　I　supposed　that　taking　in　account　the　velocity　her　decrepit　truck　must　limit　her　to　she　was　running　a　little　late。　Bella　rushed　out　of　the　house；　her　book　bag　sliding　off　her　shoulder；　her　hair　coiled　into　a　messy　twist　that　was　already　ing　apart　on　the　nape　of　her　neck。　The　thick　green　sweater　she　wore　was　not　enough　to　keep　her　thin　shoulders　from　hunching　against　the　cold　fog。　The　long　sweater　was　too　big　for　her；　unflattering。　It　masked　her　slender　figure；　turning　all　her　delicate　curves　and　soft　lines　into　a　shapeless　jumble。　I　appreciated　this　almost　as　much　as　I　wished　that　she　had　worn　something　more　like　the　soft　blue　blouse　she　d　worn　last　night　the　fabric　had　clung　to　her　skin　in　such　an　appealing　way；　cut　low　enough　to　reveal　the　mesmerizing　way　her　collar　bones　curled　away　from　the　hollow　beneath　her　throat。　The　blue　had　flowed　like　water　along　the　subtle　shape　of　her　body　It　was　better　essential　that　I　kept　my　thoughts　far；　far　away　from　that　shape；　so　I　was　grateful　to　the　unbeing　sweater　she　wore。　I　couldn　t　afford　to　make　mistakes；　and　it　would　be　a　monumental　mistake　to　dwell　on　the　strange　hungers　that　thoughts　of　her　lips　her　skin　her　body　were　shaking　loose　inside　of　me。　Hungers　that　had　evaded　me　for　a　hundred　years。　But　I　could　not　allow　myself　to　think　of　touching　her；　because　that　was　impossible。　I　would　break　her。　Bella　turned　away　from　the　door；　in　such　a　hurry　that　she　nearly　ran　right　by　my　car　without　noticing　it。　Then　she　skidded　to　a　stop；　her　knees　locking　like　a　startled　colt　s。　Her　bag　slid　further　down　her　arm；　and　her　eyes　flew　wide　as　they　focused　on　the　car。　I　got　out；　taking　no　care　to　move　at　human　speed；　and　opened　the　passenger　door　for　her。　I　would　not　try　to　deceive　her　anymore　when　we　were　alone；　at　least；　I　would　be　myself。　She　looked　up　at　me；　startled　again　as　I　seemingly　materialized　out　of　the　fog。　And　then　the　surprise　in　her　eyes　changed　to　something　else；　and　I　was　no　longer　afraid　or　hopeful　that　her　feelings　for　me　had　changed　in　the　course　of　the　night。　Warmth；　wonder；　fascination；　all　swimming　in　the　melted　chocolate　of　her　eyes。　Do　you　want　to　ride　with　me　today？　I　asked。　Unlike　dinner　last　night；　I　would　let　her　choose。　From　now　on；　it　must　always　be　her　choice。　Yes；　thank　you；　she　murmured；　climbing　into　my　car　without　hesitation。　Would　it　ever　cease　to　thrill　me；　that　I　was　the　one　she　was　saying　yes　to？　doubted　it。　I　flashed　around　the　car；　eager　to　join　her。　I　She　showed　no　sign　of　being　shocked
by　my　sudden　reappearance。　The　happiness　I　felt　when　she　sat　beside　me　this　way　had　no　precedent。　As　much　as　I　enjoyed　the　love　and　panionship　of　my　family；　despite　the　various　entertainments　and　distractions　the　world　had　to　offer；　I　had　never　been　happy　like　this。　Even　knowing　that　it　was　wrong；　that　this　couldn　t　possibly　end　well；　could　not　keep　the　smile　from　my　face　for　long。　My　jacket　was　folded　over　the　headrest　of　her　seat。　I　saw　her　eyeing　it。　I　brought　the　jacket　for　you；　I　told　her。　This　was　my　excuse；　had　I　needed　to　provide　one；　for　showing　up　uninvited　this　morning。　It　was　cold。　She　had　no　jacket。　Surely　this　was　an　acceptable　form　of　chivalry。　something。　I　didn　t　want　you　to　get　sick　or　I　m　not　quite　that　delicate；　she　said；　staring　at　my　chest　rather　than　my　face；　as　if　she　were　hesitant　to　meet　my　eyes。　But　she　put　the　coat　on　before　I　had　to　resort　to　manding　or　coaxing。　Aren　t　you？　I　muttered　to　myself。　She　stared　out　at　the　road　as　I　accelerated　toward　the　school。　I　could　only　stand　the　silence　for　a　few　seconds。　I　had　to　know　what　her　thoughts　were　this　morning。　So　much　had　changed　between　us　since　the　last　time　the　sun　was　up。　What；　no　twenty　questions　today？　I　asked；　keeping　it　light　again。　She　smiled；　seeming　glad　that　I　d　broached　the　subject。　you？　Do　my　questions　bother　Not　as　much　as　your　reactions　do；　I　told　her　honestly；　smiling　in　response　to　her　smile。　Her　mouth　turned　down。　Do　I　react　badly？　No；　that　s　the　problem。　You　take　everything　so　coolly　it　s　unnatural。　Not　one　scream　so　far。　How　could　that　be？　It　makes　me　wonder　what　you　re　really　thinking。　Of　course；　everything　she　did　or　didn　t　do　made　me　wonder　that。　I　always　tell　you　what　I　m　really　thinking。　You　edit。　Her　teeth　pressed　into　her　lip　again。　She　didn　t　seem　to　notice　when　she　did　this　it　was　an　unconscious　response　to　tension。　Not　very　much。　Just　those　words　were　enough　to　have　my　curiosity　raging。　purposefully　keep　from　me？　Enough　to　drive　me　insane；　I　said。　She　hesitated；　and　then　whispered；　You　don　t　want　to　hear　it。　I　had　to　think　for　a　moment；　run　through　our　entire　conversation　last　night；　word　for　word；　before　I　made　the　connection。　Perhaps　it　took　so　much　concentration　What　did　she
because　I　couldn　t　imagine　anything　that　I　wouldn　t　want　her　to　say　to　me。　And　then　because　the　tone　of　her　voice　was　the　same　as　last　night；　there　was　suddenly　pain　there　again　I　remembered。　Once；　I　had　asked　her　not　to　speak　her　thoughts。　Never　say　that；　I　d　all　but　snarled　at　her。　I　had　made　her　cry　Was　this　what　she　kept　from　me？　The　depth　of　her　feelings　about　me？　That　my　being　a　monster　didn　t　matter　to　her；　and　that　she　thought　it　was　too　late　for　her　to　change　her　mind？　I　was　unable　to　speak；　because　the　joy　and　pain　were　too　strong　for　words；　the　conflict　between　them　too　wild　to　allow　for　a　coherent　response。　It　was　silent　in　the　car