《夜与日》第142章

and　Cassandra’s　eyes　upon　them；　judging　their　exact　degree　
of　intimacy；　so　that　they　might　fix　the　weddingday。　
She　promptly　decided　that　she　would　meet　Ralph　out　of　
doors；　she　still　had　time　to　reach　Lincoln’s　Inn　Fields　
before　he　left　his　office。　She　hailed　a　cab；　and　bade　it　
take　her　to　a　shop　for　selling　maps　which　she　remembered　
in　Great　Queen　Street；　since　she　hardly　liked　to　be　
set　down　at　his　door。　Arrived　at　the　shop；　she　bought　a　
large　scale　map　of　Norfolk；　and　thus　provided；　hurried　
into　Lincoln’s　Inn　Fields；　and　assured　herself　of　the　position　
of　Messrs。　Hoper　and　Grateley’s　office。　The　great　gas　
chandeliers　were　alight　in　the　office　windows。　She　conceived　
that　he　sat　at　an　enormous　table　laden　with　papers　
beneath　one　of　them　in　the　front　room　with　the　
three　tall　windows。　Having　settled　his　position　there；　she　
began　walking　to　and　fro　upon　the　pavement。　Nobody　of　
his　build　appeared。　She　scrutinized　each　male　figure　as　it　
approached　and　passed　her。　Each　male　figure　had；　nevertheless；　
a　look　of　him；　due；　perhaps；　to　the　professional　
dress；　the　quick　step；　the　keen　glance　which　they　cast　
upon　her　as　they　hastened　home　after　the　day’s　work。　
The　square　itself；　with　its　immense　houses　all　so　fully　
occupied　and　stern　of　aspect；　its　atmosphere　of　industry　
381　
Night　and　Day　
and　power；　as　if　even　the　sparrows　and　the　children　were　
earning　their　daily　bread；　as　if　the　sky　itself；　with　its　
gray　and　scarlet　clouds；　reflected　the　serious　intention　of　
the　city　beneath　it；　spoke　of　him。　Here　was　the　fit　place　
for　their　meeting；　she　thought；　here　was　the　fit　place　for　
her　to　walk　thinking　of　him。　She　could　not　help　paring　
it　with　the　domestic　streets　of　Chelsea。　With　this　
parison　in　her　mind；　she　extended　her　range　a　little；　
and　turned　into　the　main　road。　The　great　torrent　of　vans　
and　carts　was　sweeping　down　Kingsway；　pedestrians　were　
streaming　in　two　currents　along　the　pavements。　She　stood　
fascinated　at　the　corner。　The　deep　roar　filled　her　ears；　
the　changing　tumult　had　the　inexpressible　fascination　of　
varied　life　pouring　ceaselessly　with　a　purpose　which；　as　
she　looked；　seemed　to　her；　somehow；　the　normal　purpose　
for　which　life　was　framed；　its　plete　indifference　to　
the　individuals；　whom　it　swallowed　up　and　rolled　onwards；　
filled　her　with　at　least　a　temporary　exaltation。　The　blend　
of　daylight　and　of　lamplight　made　her　an　invisible　spectator；　
just　as　it　gave　the　people　who　passed　her　a　semitransparent　
quality；　and　left　the　faces　pale　ivory　ovals　in　
which　the　eyes　alone　were　dark。　They　tended　the　enormous　
rush　of　the　current—the　great　flow；　the　deep　stream；　
the　unquenchable　tide。　She　stood　unobserved　and　absorbed；　
glorying　openly　in　the　rapture　that　had　run　
subterraneously　all　day。　Suddenly　she　was　clutched；　unwilling；　
from　the　outside；　by　the　recollection　of　her　purpose　
in　ing　there。　She　had　e　to　find　Ralph　Denham。　
She　hastily　turned　back　into　Lincoln’s　Inn　Fields；　and　
looked　for　her　landmark—the　light　in　the　three　tall　windows。　
She　sought　in　vain。　The　faces　of　the　houses　had　
now　merged　in　the　general　darkness；　and　she　had　difficulty　
in　determining　which　she　sought。　Ralph’s　three　windows　
gave　back　on　their　ghostly　glass　panels　only　a　reflection　
of　the　gray　and　greenish　sky。　She　rang　the　bell；　
peremptorily；　under　the　painted　name　of　the　firm。　After　
some　delay　she　was　answered　by　a　caretaker；　whose　pail　
and　brush　of　themselves　told　her　that　the　working　day　
was　over　and　the　workers　gone。　Nobody；　save　perhaps　Mr。　
Grateley　himself；　was　left；　she　assured　Katharine；　every　
one　else　had　been　gone　these　ten　minutes。　
The　news　woke　Katharine　pletely。　Anxiety　gained　
382　
Virginia　Woolf　
upon　her。　She　hastened　back　into　Kingsway；　looking　at　
people　who　had　miraculously　regained　their　solidity。　She　
ran　as　far　as　the　Tube　station；　overhauling　clerk　after　
clerk；　solicitor　after　solicitor。　Not　one　of　them　even　faintly　
resembled　Ralph　Denham。　More　and　more　plainly　did　she　
see　him；　and　more　and　more　did　he　seem　to　her　unlike　
any　one　else。　At　the　door　of　the　station　she　paused；　and　
tried　to　collect　her　thoughts。　He　had　gone　to　her　house。　
By　taking　a　cab　she　could　be　there　probably　in　advance　
of　him。　But　she　pictured　herself　opening　the　drawing
room　door；　and　William　and　Cassandra　looking　up；　and　
Ralph’s　entrance　a　moment　later；　and　the　glances—the　
insinuations。　No；　she　could　not　face　it。　She　would　write　
him　a　letter　and　take　it　at　once　to　his　house。　She　bought　
paper　and　pencil　at　the　bookstall；　and　entered　an　A。B。C。　
shop；　where；　by　ordering　a　cup　of　coffee；　she　secured　an　
empty　table；　and　began　at　vice　to　write：　
“I　came　to　meet　you　and　I　have　missed　you。　I　could　not　
face　William　and　Cassandra。　They　want　us—”　here　she　
paused。　“They　insist　that　we　are　engaged；”　she　substituted；　
“and　we　couldn’t　talk　at　all；　or　explain　anything。　I　
want—”　Her　wants　were　so　vast；　now　that　she　was　in　
munication　with　Ralph；　that　the　pencil　was　utterly　
inadequate　to　conduct　them　on　to　the　paper；　it　seemed　
as　if　the　whole　torrent　of　Kingsway　had　to　run　down　her　
pencil。　She　gazed　intently　at　a　notice　hanging　on　the　
goldencrusted　wall　opposite。　“…　to　say　all　kinds　of　
things；”　she　added；　writing　each　word　with　the　painstaking　
of　a　child。　But；　when　she　raised　her　eyes　again　to　
meditate　the　next　sentence；　she　was　aware　of　a　waitress；　
whose　expression　intimated　that　it　was　closing　time；　and；　
looking　round；　Katharine　saw　herself　almost　the　last　person　
left　in　the　shop。　She　took　up　her　letter；　paid　her　bill；　
and　found　herself　once　more　in　the　street。　She　would　
now　take　a　cab　to　Highgate。　But　at　that　moment　it　flashed　
upon　her　that　she　could　not　remember　the　address。　This　
check　seemed　to　let　fall　a　barrier　across　a　very　powerful　
current　of　desire。　She　ransacked　her　memory　in　desperation；　
hunting　for　the　name；　first　by　remembering　the　look　
of　the　house；　and　then　by　trying；　in　memory；　to　retrace　
the　words　she　had　written　once；　at　least；　upon　an　envelope。　
The　more　she　pressed　the　farther　the　words　receded。　
383　
Nigh