《夜与日》第153章

absence；”　he　said；　and　left　the　room；　Mr。　Hilbery　giving　
his　assent　by　a　slight　nod　of　the　head。　
Meanwhile；　in　the　diningroom　next　door；　Denham　and　
Katharine　were　once　more　seated　at　the　mahogany　table。　
They　seemed　to　be　continuing　a　conversation　broken　off　
in　the　middle；　as　if　each　remembered　the　precise　point　at　
which　they　had　been　interrupted；　and　was　eager　to　go　on　
as　quickly　as　possible。　Katharine；　having　interposed　a　
short　account　of　the　interview　with　her　father；　Denham　
made　no　ment；　but　said：　
“Anyhow；　there’s　no　reason　why　we　shouldn’t　see　each　
other。”　
“Or　stay　together。　It’s　only　marriage　that’s　out　of　the　
question；”　Katharine　replied。　
“But　if　I　find　myself　ing　to　want　you　more　and　
more？”　
“If　our　lapses　e　more　and　more　often？”　
He　sighed　impatiently；　and　said　nothing　for　a　moment。　
“But　at　least；”　he　renewed；　“we’ve　established　the　fact　
that　my　lapses　are　still　in　some　odd　way　connected　with　
you；　yours　have　nothing　to　do　with　me。　Katharine；”　he　
added；　his　assumption　of　reason　broken　up　by　his　agitation；　
“I　assure　you　that　we　are　in　love—what　other　people　
call　love。　Remember　that　night。　We　had　no　doubts　whatever　
then。　We　were　absolutely　happy　for　half　an　hour。　You　
had　no　lapse　until　the　day　after；　I　had　no　lapse　until　yesterday　
morning。　We’ve　been　happy　at　intervals　all　day　until　
I—went　off　my　head；　and　you；　quite　naturally；　were　bored。”　
“Ah；”　she　exclaimed；　as　if　the　subject　chafed　her；　“I　can’t　
make　you　understand。　It’s　not　boredom—I’m　never　bored。　
Reality—reality；”　she　ejaculated；　tapping　her　finger　upon　
the　table　as　if　to　emphasize　and　perhaps　explain　her　isolated　
utterance　of　this　word。　“I　cease　to　be　real　to　you。　It’s　
the　faces　in　a　storm　again—the　vision　in　a　hurricane。　We　
e　together　for　a　moment　and　we　part。　It’s　my　fault；　
too。　I’m　as　bad　as　you　are—worse；　perhaps。”　
They　were　trying　to　explain；　not　for　the　first　time；　as　
their　weary　gestures　and　frequent　interruptions　showed；　
what　in　their　mon　language　they　had　christened　their　
411　
Night　and　Day　
“lapses”；　a　constant　source　of　distress　to　them；　in　the　
past　few　days；　and　the　immediate　reason　why　Ralph　was　
on　his　way　to　leave　the　house　when　Katharine；　listening　
anxiously；　heard　him　and　prevented　him。　What　was　the　
cause　of　these　lapses？　Either　because　Katharine　looked　
more　beautiful；　or　more　strange；　because　she　wore　something　
different；　or　said　something　unexpected；　Ralph’s　
sense　of　her　romance　welled　up　and　overcame　him　either　
into　silence　or　into　inarticulate　expressions；　which　
Katharine；　with　unintentional　but　invariable　perversity；　
interrupted　or　contradicted　with　some　severity　or　assertion　
of　prosaic　fact。　Then　the　vision　disappeared；　and　
Ralph　expressed　vehemently　in　his　turn　the　conviction　
that　he　only　loved　her　shadow　and　cared　nothing　for　her　
reality。　If　the　lapse　was　on　her　side　it　took　the　form　of　
gradual　detachment　until　she　became　pletely　absorbed　
in　her　own　thoughts；　which　carried　her　away　with　such　
intensity　that　she　sharply　resented　any　recall　to　her　
panion’s　side。　It　was　useless　to　assert　that　these　
trances　were　always　originated　by　Ralph　himself；　however　
little　in　their　later　stages　they　had　to　do　with　him。　
The　fact　remained　that　she　had　no　need　of　him　and　was　
very　loath　to　be　reminded　of　him。　How；　then；　could　they　
be　in　love？　The　fragmentary　nature　of　their　relationship　
was　but　too　apparent。　
Thus　they　sat　depressed　to　silence　at　the　diningroom　
table；　oblivious　of　everything；　while　Rodney　paced　the　
drawingroom　overhead　in　such　agitation　and　exaltation　
of　mind　as　he　had　never　conceived　possible；　and　Cassandra　
remained　alone　with　her　uncle。　Ralph；　at　length；　rose　
and　walked　gloomily　to　the　window。　He　pressed　close　to　
the　pane。　Outside　were　truth　and　freedom　and　the　immensity　
only　to　be　apprehended　by　the　mind　in　loneliness；　
and　never　municated　to　another。　What　worse　
sacrilege　was　there　than　to　attempt　to　violate　what　he　
perceived　by　seeking　to　impart　it？　Some　movement　behind　
him　made　him　reflect　that　Katharine　had　the　power；　
if　she　chose；　to　be　in　person　what　he　dreamed　of　her　
spirit。　He　turned　sharply　to　implore　her　help；　when　again　
he　was　struck　cold　by　her　look　of　distance；　her　expression　
of　intentness　upon　some　far　object。　As　if　conscious　of　his　
look　upon　her　she　rose　and　came　to　him；　standing　close　
412　
Virginia　Woolf　
by　his　side；　and　looking　with　him　out　into　the　dusky　
atmosphere。　Their　physical　closeness　was　to　him　a　bitter　
enough　ment　upon　the　distance　between　their　minds。　
Yet　distant　as　she　was；　her　presence　by　his　side　transformed　
the　world。　He　saw　himself　performing　wonderful　
deeds　of　courage；　saving　the　drowning；　rescuing　the　forlorn。　
Impatient　with　this　form　of　egotism；　he　could　not　
shake　off　the　conviction　that　somehow　life　was　wonderful；　
romantic；　a　master　worth　serving　so　long　as　she　stood　
there。　He　had　no　wish　that　she　should　speak；　he　did　not　
look　at　her　or　touch　her；　she　was　apparently　deep　in　her　
own　thoughts　and　oblivious　of　his　presence。　
The　door　opened　without　their　hearing　the　sound。　Mr。　
Hilbery　looked　round　the　room；　and　for　a　moment　failed　
to　discover　the　two　figures　in　the　window。　He　started　
with　displeasure　when　he　saw　them；　and　observed　them　
keenly　before　he　appeared　able　to　make　up　his　mind　to　
say　anything。　He　made　a　movement　finally　that　warned　
them　of　his　presence；　they　turned　instantly。　Without　speaking；　
he　beckoned　to　Katharine　to　e　to　him；　and；　keeping　
his　eyes　from　the　region　of　the　room　where　Denham　
stood；　he　shepherded　her　in　front　of　him　back　to　the　
study。　When　Katharine　was　inside　the　room　he　shut　the　
study　door　carefully　behind　him　as　if　to　secure　himself　
from　something　that　he　disliked。　
“Now；　Katharine；”　he　said；　taking　up　his　stand　in　front　
of　the　fire；　“you　will；　perhaps；　have　the　kindness　to　explain—”　
She　remained　silent。　“What　inferences　do　you　
expect　me　to　draw？”　he　said　sharply…　。　“You　tell　me　that　
you　are　not　engaged　to　Rodney；　I　see　you　on　what　appear　
to　be　extremely　intimate