《夜与日》第159章

other　and　enveloping　everything　in　a　vaporous　indistinctness。　
Meanwhile　he　remained　conscious　of　his　own　concentrated　
desire；　his　impotence　to　bring　about　anything　
he　wished；　and　his　increasing　agony　of　impatience。　
426　
Virginia　Woolf　
Suddenly　Mrs。　Hilbery　pulled　the　cord　with　such　decision　
that　even　Anderson　had　to　listen　to　the　order　which　she　
leant　out　of　the　window　to　give　him。　The　carriage　pulled　
up　abruptly　in　the　middle　of　Whitehall　before　a　large　building　
dedicated　to　one　of　our　Government　offices。　In　a　second　
Mrs。　Hilbery　was　mounting　the　steps；　and　Ralph　was　left　in　
too　acute　an　irritation　by　this　further　delay　even　to　speculate　
what　errand　took　her　now　to　the　Board　of　Education。　
He　was　about　to　jump　from　the　carriage　and　take　a　cab；　
when　Mrs。　Hilbery　reappeared　talking　genially　to　a　figure　
who　remained　hidden　behind　her。　
“There’s　plenty　of　room　for　us　all；”　she　was　saying。　“Plenty　
of　room。　We　could　find　space　for　four　of　you；　William；”　she　
added；　opening　the　door；　and　Ralph　found　that　Rodney　
had　now　joined　their　pany。　The　two　men　glanced　at　
each　other。　If　distress；　shame；　disfort　in　its　most　acute　
form　were　ever　visible　upon　a　human　face；　Ralph　could　
read　them　all　expressed　beyond　the　eloquence　of　words　
upon　the　face　of　his　unfortunate　panion。　But　Mrs。　
Hilbery　was　either　pletely　unseeing　or　determined　to　
appear　so。　She　went　on　talking；　she　talked；　it　seemed　to　
both　the　young　men；　to　some　one　outside；　up　in　the　air。　
She　talked　about　Shakespeare；　she　apostrophized　the　human　
race；　she　proclaimed　the　virtues　of　divine　poetry；　she　
began　to　recite　verses　which　broke　down　in　the　middle。　
The　great　advantage　of　her　discourse　was　that　it　was　self
supporting。　It　nourished　itself　until　Cheyne　Walk　was　
reached　upon　half　a　dozen　grunts　and　murmurs。　
“Now；”　she　said；　alighting　briskly　at　her　door；　“here　we　
are！”　
There　was　something　airy　and　ironical　in　her　voice　and　
expression　as　she　turned　upon　the　doorstep　and　looked　
at　them；　which　filled　both　Rodney　and　Denham　with　the　
same　misgivings　at　having　trusted　their　fortunes　to　such　
an　ambassador；　and　Rodney　actually　hesitated　upon　the　
threshold　and　murmured　to　Denham：　
“You　go　in；　Denham。　I　…”　He　was　turning　tail；　but　the　
door　opening　and　the　familiar　look　of　the　house　asserting　
its　charm；　he　bolted　in　on　the　wake　of　the　others；　
and　the　door　shut　upon　his　escape。　Mrs。　Hilbery　led　the　
way　upstairs。　She　took　them　to　the　drawingroom。　The　
fire　burnt　as　usual；　the　little　tables　were　laid　with　china　
427　
Night　and　Day　
and　silver。　There　was　nobody　there。　
“Ah；”　she　said；　“Katharine’s　not　here。　She　must　be　upstairs　
in　her　room。　You　have　something　to　say　to　her；　I　
know；　Mr。　Denham。　You　can　find　your　way？”　she　vaguely　
indicated　the　ceiling　with　a　gesture　of　her　hand。　She　had　
bee　suddenly　serious　and　posed；　mistress　in　her　
own　house。　The　gesture　with　which　she　dismissed　him　
had　a　dignity　that　Ralph　never　forgot。　She　seemed　to　
make　him　free　with　a　wave　of　her　hand　to　all　that　she　
possessed。　He　left　the　room。　
The　Hilberys’　house　was　tall；　possessing　many　stories　
and　passages　with　closed　doors；　all；　once　he　had　passed　
the　drawingroom　floor；　unknown　to　Ralph。　He　mounted　as　
high　as　he　could　and　knocked　at　the　first　door　he　came　to。　
“May　I　e　in？”　he　asked。　
A　voice　from　within　answered　“Yes。”　
He　was　conscious　of　a　large　window；　full　of　light；　of　a　
bare　table；　and　of　a　long　lookingglass。　Katharine　had　
risen；　and　was　standing　with　some　white　papers　in　her　
hand；　which　slowly　fluttered　to　the　ground　as　she　saw　
her　visitor。　The　explanation　was　a　short　one。　The　sounds　
were　inarticulate；　no　one　could　have　understood　the　meaning　
save　themselves。　As　if　the　forces　of　the　world　were　all　
at　work　to　tear　them　asunder　they　sat；　clasping　hands；　
near　enough　to　be　taken　even　by　the　malicious　eye　of　
Time　himself　for　a　united　couple；　an　indivisible　unit。　
“Don’t　move；　don’t　go；”　she　begged　of　him；　when　he　
stooped　to　gather　the　papers　she　had　let　fall。　But　he　took　
them　in　his　hands　and；　giving　her　by　a　sudden　impulse　
his　own　unfinished　dissertation；　with　its　mystical　conclusion；　
they　read　each　other’s　positions　in　silence。　
Katharine　read　his　sheets　to　an　end；　Ralph　followed　her　
figures　as　far　as　his　mathematics　would　let　him。　They　
came　to　the　end　of　their　tasks　at　about　the　same　moment；　
and　sat　for　a　time　in　silence。　
“Those　were　the　papers　you　left　on　the　seat　at　Kew；”　
said　Ralph　at　length。　“You　folded　them　so　quickly　that　I　
couldn’t　see　what　they　were。”　
She　blushed　very　deeply；　but　as　she　did　not　move　or　
attempt　to　hide　her　face　she　had　the　appearance　of　some　
one　disarmed　of　all　defences；　or　Ralph　likened　her　to　a　
wild　bird　just　settling　with　wings　trembling　to　fold　them
428　
Virginia　Woolf　
selves　within　reach　of　his　hand。　The　moment　of　exposure　
had　been　exquisitely　painful—the　light　shed　startlingly　
vivid。　She　had　now　to　get　used　to　the　fact　that　some　one　
shared　her　loneliness。　The　bewilderment　was　half　shame　
and　half　the　prelude　to　profound　rejoicing。　Nor　was　she　
unconscious　that　on　the　surface　the　whole　thing　must　
appear　of　the　utmost　absurdity。　She　looked　to　see　whether　
Ralph　smiled；　but　found　his　gaze　fixed　on　her　with　such　
gravity　that　she　turned　to　the　belief　that　she　had　mitted　
no　sacrilege　but　enriched　herself；　perhaps　immeasurably；　
perhaps　eternally。　She　hardly　dared　steep　herself　
in　the　infinite　bliss。　But　his　glance　seemed　to　ask　for　
some　assurance　upon　another　point　of　vital　interest　to　
him。　It　beseeched　her　mutely　to　tell　him　whether　what　
she　had　read　upon　his　confused　sheet　had　any　meaning　
or　truth　to　her。　She　bent　her　head　once　more　to　the　papers　
she　held。　
“I　like　your　little　dot　with　the　flames　round　it；”　she　
said　meditatively。　
Ralph　nearly　tore　the　page　from　her　hand　in　shame　and　
despair　when　he　saw　her　actually　contemplating　the　idi
otic　symbol　of　his　most　confused　and　emotional　moments。　
He　was　convinced　that　it　could　mean　nothing　to　another；　
although　somehow　to　him　it　conve