《夜与日》第163章

“Are　you　cold？”　he　asked；　as　they　stopped　by　Temple　Bar。　
“Yes；　I　am　rather；”　she　replied；　being　conscious　that　
the　splendid　race　of　lights　drawn　past　her　eyes　by　the　
superb　curving　and　swerving　of　the　monster　on　which　she　
sat　was　at　an　end。　They　had　followed　some　such　course　in　
their　thoughts　too；　they　had　been　borne　on；　victors　in　
the　forefront　of　some　triumphal　car；　spectators　of　a　pageant　
enacted　for　them；　masters　of　life。　But　standing　on　
the　pavement　alone；　this　exaltation　left　them；　they　were　
glad　to　be　alone　together。　Ralph　stood　still　for　a　moment　
to　light　his　pipe　beneath　a　lamp。　
She　looked　at　his　face　isolated　in　the　little　circle　of　
light。　
437　
Night　and　Day　
“Oh；　that　cottage；”　she　said。　“We　must　take　it　and　go　
there。”　
“And　leave　all　this？”　he　inquired。　
“As　you　like；”　she　replied。　She　thought；　looking　at　the　
sky　above　Chancery　Lane；　how　the　roof　was　the　same　
everywhere；　how　she　was　now　secure　of　all　that　this　lofty　
blue　and　its　steadfast　lights　meant　to　her；　reality；　was　it；　
figures；　love；　truth？　
“I’ve　something　on　my　mind；”　said　Ralph　abruptly。　“I　
mean　I’ve　been　thinking　of　Mary　Datchet。　We’re　very　near　
her　rooms　now。　Would　you　mind　if　we　went　there？”　
She　had　turned　before　she　answered　him。　She　had　no　
wish　to　see　any　one　tonight；　it　seemed　to　her　that　the　
immense　riddle　was　answered；　the　problem　had　been　
solved；　she　held　in　her　hands　for　one　brief　moment　the　
globe　which　we　spend　our　lives　in　trying　to　shape；　round；　
whole；　and　entire　from　the　confusion　of　chaos。　To　see　
Mary　was　to　risk　the　destruction　of　this　globe。　
“Did　you　treat　her　badly？”　she　asked　rather　mechanically；　
walking　on。　
“I　could　defend　myself；”　he　said；　almost　defiantly。　“But　
what’s　the　use；　if　one　feels　a　thing？　I　won’t　be　with　her　a　
minute；”　he　said。　“I’ll　just　tell　her—”　
“Of　course；　you　must　tell　her；”　said　Katharine；　and　now　
felt　anxious　for　him　to　do　what　appeared　to　be　necessary　
if　he；　too；　were　to　hold　his　globe　for　a　moment　round；　
whole；　and　entire。　
“I　wish—I　wish—”　she　sighed；　for　melancholy　came　
over　her　and　obscured　at　least　a　section　of　her　clear　vision。　
The　globe　swam　before　her　as　if　obscured　by　tears。　
“I　regret　nothing；”　said　Ralph　firmly。　She　leant　towards　
him　almost　as　if　she　could　thus　see　what　he　saw。　She　
thought　how　obscure　he　still　was　to　her；　save　only　that　
more　and　more　constantly　he　appeared　to　her　a　fire　burning　
through　its　smoke；　a　source　of　life。　
“Go　on；”　she　said。　“You　regret　nothing—”　
“Nothing—nothing；”　he　repeated。　
“What　a　fire！”　she　thought　to　herself。　She　thought　of　
him　blazing　splendidly　in　the　night；　yet　so　obscure　that　
to　hold　his　arm；　as　she　held　it；　was　only　to　touch　the　
opaque　substance　surrounding　the　flame　that　roared　upwards。　
438　
Virginia　Woolf　
“Why　nothing？”　she　asked　hurriedly；　in　order　that　he　
might　say　more　and　so　make　more　splendid；　more　red；　
more　darkly　intertwined　with　smoke　this　flame　rushing　
upwards。　
“What　are　you　thinking　of；　Katharine？”　he　asked　suspiciously；　
noticing　her　tone　of　dreaminess　and　the　inapt　
words。　
“I　was　thinking　of　you—yes；　I　swear　it。　Always　of　you；　
but　you　take　such　strange　shapes　in　my　mind。　You’ve　
destroyed　my　loneliness。　Am　I　to　tell　you　how　I　see　you？　
No；　tell　me—tell　me　from　the　beginning。”　
Beginning　with　spasmodic　words；　he　went　on　to　speak　
more　and　more　fluently；　more　and　more　passionately；　feeling　
her　leaning　towards　him；　listening　with　wonder　like　a　
child；　with　gratitude　like　a　woman。　She　interrupted　him　
gravely　now　and　then。　
“But　it　was　foolish　to　stand　outside　and　look　at　the　
windows。　Suppose　William　hadn’t　seen　you。　Would　you　
have　gone　to　bed？”　
He　capped　her　reproof　with　wonderment　that　a　woman　
of　her　age　could　have　stood　in　Kingsway　looking　at　the　
traffic　until　she　forgot。　
“But　it　was　then　I　first　knew　I　loved　you！”　she　exclaimed。　
“Tell　me　from　the　beginning；”　he　begged　her。　
“No；　I’m　a　person　who　can’t　tell　things；”　she　pleaded。　
“I　shall　say　something　ridiculous—something　about　
flames—fires。　No；　I　can’t　tell　you。”　
But　he　persuaded　her　into　a　broken　statement；　beautiful　
to　him；　charged　with　extreme　excitement　as　she　spoke　of　
the　dark　red　fire；　and　the　smoke　twined　round　it；　making　
him　feel　that　he　had　stepped　over　the　threshold　into　the　
faintly　lit　vastness　of　another　mind；　stirring　with　shapes；　
so　large；　so　dim；　unveiling　themselves　only　in　flashes；　and　
moving　away　again　into　the　darkness；　engulfed　by　it。　They　
had　walked　by　this　time　to　the　street　in　which　Mary　lived；　
and　being　engrossed　by　what　they　said　and　partly　saw；　
passed　her　staircase　without　looking　up。　At　this　time　of　
night　there　was　no　traffic　and　scarcely　any　footpassengers；　
so　that　they　could　pace　slowly　without　interruption；　
arminarm；　raising　their　hands　now　and　then　to　draw　something　
upon　the　vast　blue　curtain　of　the　sky。　
439　
Night　and　Day　
They　brought　themselves　by　these　means；　acting　on　a　
mood　of　profound　happiness；　to　a　state　of　clearsightedness　
where　the　lifting　of　a　finger　had　effect；　and　
one　word　spoke　more　than　a　sentence。　They　lapsed　gently　
into　silence；　traveling　the　dark　paths　of　thought　side　
by　side　towards　something　discerned　in　the　distance　which　
gradually　possessed　them　both。　They　were　victors；　masters　
of　life；　but　at　the　same　time　absorbed　in　the　flame；　
giving　their　life　to　increase　its　brightness；　to　testify　to　
their　faith。　Thus　they　had　walked；　perhaps；　twice　or　three　
times　up　and　down　Mary　Datchet’s　street　before　the　recurrence　
of　a　light　burning　behind　a　thin；　yellow　blind　
caused　them　to　stop　without　exactly　knowing　why　they　
did　so。　It　burned　itself　into　their　minds。　
“That　is　the　light　in　Mary’s　room；”　said　Ralph。　“She　
must　be　at　home。”　He　pointed　across　the　street。　Katharine’s　
eyes　rested　there　too。　
“Is　she　alone；　working　at　this　time　of　night？　What　is　
she　working　at？”　she　wondered。　“Why　should　we　interrupt　
her？”　she　asked　passionately。　“What　have　we　got　to　
give　her？　She’s　ha