《安妮日记》第52章

〃when　the　time　es；　well　put　two　people　on　the　lookout；　one　in　the　loft　at　the　front　of　the　house　and　one　in　the　back。”
〃hey；　whats　the　use　of　so　much　food　if　there　isnt　any　water；　gas　or　electricity？”
〃well　have　to　cook　on　the　wood　stove。　filter　the　water　and　boil　it。　we　should　clean　some　big　jugs　and　fill　them　with　water。　we　can　also　store　water　in　the　three　kettles　we　use　for　canning；　and　in　the　washtub。”
〃besides；　we　still　have　about　two　hundred　and　thirty　pounds　of　winter　potatoes　in　the　spice　storeroom。”
all　day　long　thats　all　i　hear。　invasion；　invasion；　nothing　but　invasion。　arguments　about　going　hungry；　dying；　bombs；　fire　extinguishers；　sleeping　bags；　identity　cards；　poison　gas；　etc。；　etc。　not　exactly　cheerful。
a　good　example　of　the　explicit　warnings　of　the　male　contingent　is　the　following　conversation　with　jan：
annex：　〃were　afraid　that　when　the　germans　retreat；　theyll　take　the　entire　population　with　them。”
jan：　〃thats　impossible。　they　havent　got　enough　trains。”
annex：　〃trains？　do　you　really　think　theyd　put　civilians　on　trains？　absolutely　not。
everyone　would　have　to　hoof　it。〃　（or；　as　dussel　always　says；　per　pedes　apostolorum。）
jan：　〃i　cant　believe　that。　youre　always　looking　on　the　dark　side。　what　reason　would　they　have　to　round　up　all　the　civilians　and　take　them　along？”
annex：　〃dont　you　remember　goebbels　saying　that　if　the　germans　have　to　go；　theyll　slam　the　doors　to　all　the　occupied　territories　behind　them？”
jan：　〃theyve　said　a　lot　of　things。”
annex：　〃do　you　think　the　germans　are　too　noble　or　humane　to　do　it？　their　reasoning　is：　if　we　go　under；　well　drag　everyone　else　down　with　us。”
jan：　〃you　can　say　what　you　like；　i　just　dont　believe　annex：　〃its　always　the　same　old　story。　no　one　wants　to　see　the　danger　until　its
staring　them　in　the　face。”
jan：　〃but　you　dont　know　anything　for　sure。　youre　just　making　an　assumption。”
annex：　〃because　weve　already　been　through　it　all　ourselves；　first　in　germany　and　then　here。　what　do　you　thinks　happening　in　russia？”
jan：　〃you　shouldnt　include　the　jews。　i　dont　think　anyone　knows　whats　going　on　in　russia。　the　british　and　the　russians　are　probably　exaggerating　for　propaganda　purposes；　just　like　the　germans。”
annex：　〃absolutely　not。　the　bbc　has　always　told　the　truth。　and　even　if　the　news　is　slightly　exaggerated；　the　facts　are　bad　enough　as　they　are。　you　cant　deny　that　millions　of　peace…loving　citizens　in　poland　and　russia　have　been　murdered　or　gassed。”
ill　spare　you　the　rest　of　our　conversations。　im　very　calm　and　take　no　notice　of　all　the　fuss。　ive　reached　the　point　where　i　hardly　care　whether　i　live　or　die。　the　world　will　keep　on　turning　without　me；　and　i　cant　do　anything　to　change　events　anyway。　ill　just　let　matters　take　their　course　and　concentrate　on　studying　and　hope　that　everything　will　be　all　right　in　the　end。
yours；　anne　
tuesday；　february　8；　1944
dear　kitty；
i　cant　tell　you　how　i　feel。　one　minute　im　longing　for　peace　and　quiet；　and　the　next　for　a　little　fun。　weve　forgotten　how　to　laugh　……　i　mean；　laughing　so　hard　you　can　t　stop。
this　morning　i　had　〃the　giggles〃；　you　know；　the　kind　we　used　to　have　at　school。
margot　and　i　were　giggling　like　real　teenagers。
last　night　there　was　another　scene　with　mother。　margot　was　tucking　her　wool　blanket　around　her　when　suddenly　she　leapt　out　of　bed　and　carefully　examined　the　blanket。
what　do　you　think　she　found？　a　pin！　mother　had　patched　the　blanket　and　forgotten　to　take　it　out。　father　shook　his　head　meaningfully　and　made　a　ment　about　how　careless　mother　is。　soon　afterward　mother　came　in　from　the　bathroom；　and　just　to　tease　her　i　said；　〃du　bist　doch　eine　echte　rabenmutter。〃　＇oh；　you　are　cruel。＇
of　course；　she　asked　me　why　id　said　that；　and　we　told　her　about　the　pin　shed　overlooked。　she　immediately　assumed　her　haughtiest　expression　and　said；　〃youre　a　fine　one　to　talk。　when　youre　sewing；　the　entire　floor　is　covered　with　pins。　and　look；　youve　left　the　manicure　set　lying　around　again。　you　never　put　that　away　either！”
i　said　i　hadnt　used　it；　and　margot　backed　me　up；　since　she　was　the　guilty　party。
mother　went　on　talking　about　how　messy　i　was　until　i　got　fed　up　and　said；　rather　curtly；　〃i　wasnt　even　the　one　who　said　you　were　careless。　im　always　getting　blamed　for　other　peoples　mistakes！”
mother　fell　silent；　and　less　than　a　minute　later　i　was　obliged　to　kiss　her　good…night。
this　incident　may　not　have　been　very　important；　but　these　days　everything　gets　on　my　nerves。
anne　mary　frank
saturday；　february　12；　1944
dearest　kitty；
the　sun　is　shining；　the　sky　is　deep　blue；　theres　a　magnificent　breeze；　and　im　longing　……　really　longing　……　for　everything：　conversation；　freedom；　friends；　being　alone。　i　long。　。　。　to　cry！　i　feel　as　if　i　were　about　to　explode。　i　know　crying　would　help；　but　i　cant　cry。　im　restless。　i　walk　from　one　room　to　another；　breathe　through　the　crack　in　the　window　frame；　feel　my　heart　beating　as　if　to　say；　〃fulfill　my　longing　at　last。　。　。”
i　think　spring　is　inside　me。　i　feel　spring　awakening；　i　feel　it　in　my　entire　body　and　soul。　i　have　to　force　myself　to　act　normally。　im　in　a　state　of　utter　confusion；　dont　know　what　to　read；　what　to　write；　what　to　do。　i　only　know　that　im　longing　for　something。　。　。
yours；　anne　
186　anne　frank
monday；　february　14；　1944
dearest　kitty；
a　lot　has　changed　for　me　since　saturday。　whats　happened　is　this：　i　was　longing　for
something　（and　still　am）；　but。　。　。　a　small；　a　very　small；　part　of　the　problem　has　been　resolved。
on　sunday　morning　i　noticed；　to　my　great　joy　（ill　be　honest　with　you）；　that　peter　kept　looking　at　me。　not　in　the　usual　way。　i　dont　know；　i　cant　explain　it；　but　i　suddenly　had　the　feeling　he　wasnt　as　in　love　with　margot　as　i　used　to　think。　all　day　long　i　tried　not　to　look　at　him　too　much；　because　whenever　i　did；　i　caught　him　looking　at　me　and　then　……　well；　it　made　me　feel　wonderful　inside；　and　thats　not　a　feeling　i　should　have　too　often。
sunday　evening　everyone；　except　pim　and　me；　was　clustered　around　the　radio；　listening　to　the　〃immortal　music　of　the　german　masters。〃　dussel　kept　twisting　and　turning　the　knobs；　which　annoyed　peter；　and　the　others　too。　after　re