《安妮日记》第81章

make　it　right。　according　to　the　christians；　the　jews　are　blabbing　their　secrets　to　the　germans；　denouncing　their　helpers　and　causing　them　to　suffer　the　dreadful　fate　and　punishments　that　have　already　been　meted　out　to　so　many。　all　of　this　is　true。　but　as　with　everything；　they　should　look　at　the　matter　from　both　sides：　would　christians　act　any　differently　if　they　were　in　our　place？　could　anyone；　regardless　of　whether　theyre　jews　or　christians；　remain　silent　in　the　face　of　german　pressure？　everyone　knows　its　practically　impossible；　so　why　do　they　ask　the　impossible　of　the　jews？
its　being　said　in　underground　circles　that　the　german　jews　who　immigrated　to　holland　before　the　war　and　have　now　been　sent　to　poland　shouldnt　be　allowed　to　return　here。
they　were　granted　the　right　to　asylum　in　holland；　but　once　hitler　is　gone；　they　should　go　back　to　germany。
when　you　hear　that；　you　begin　to　wonder　why　were　fighting　this　long　and　difficult　war。　were　always　being　told　that　were　fighting　for　freedom；　truth　and　justice！　the
war　isnt　even　over；　and　already　theres　dissension　and　jews　are　regarded　as　lesser　beings。　oh；　its　sad；　very　sad　that　the　old　adage　has　been　confirmed　for　the　umpteenth　time：　〃what　one　christian　does　is　his　own　responsibthty；　what　one　jew　does　reflects　on　all　jews。”
to　be　honest；　i　cant　understand　how　the　dutch；　a　nation　of　good；　honest；　upright　people；　can　sit　in　judgment　on　us　the　way　they　do。　on　us…the　most　oppressed；　unfortunate　and　pitiable　people　in　all　the　world。
i　have　only　one　hope：　that　this　anti…semitism　is　just　a　passing　thing；　that　the　dutch　will　show　their　true　colors；　that　theyll　never　waver　from　what　they　know　in　their　hearts　to　be　just；　for　this　is　unjust！
and　if　they　ever　carry　out　this　terrible　threat；　the　meager　handful　of　jews　still　left　in　holland　will　have　to　go。　we　too　will　have　to　shoulder　our　bundles　and　move　on；　away　from　this　beautiful　country；　which　once　so　kindly　took　us　in　and　now　turns　its　back　on　us。
i　love　holland。　once　i　hoped　it　would　bee　a　fatherland　to　me；　since　i　had　lost　my　own。　and　i　hope　so　still！
yours；　anne　
m。　frank
thursday；　may　25；　1944
dearest　kitty；
beps　engaged！　the　news　isnt　much　of　a　surprise；　though　none　of　us　are　particularly　pleased。　bertus　may　be　a　nice；　steady；　athletic　young　man；　but　bep　doesnt　love　him；　and　to　me　thats　enough　reason　to　advise　her　against　marrying　him。
beps　trying　to　get　ahead　in　the　world；　and　bertus　is　pulling　her　back；　hes　a　laborer；　without　any　interests　or　any　desire　to　make　something　of　himself；　and　i　dont　think　thatll　make　bep　happy。　i　can　understand　beps　wanting　to　put　an　end　to　her　indecision；　four　weeks　ago　she　decided　to　write　him　off；　but　then　she　felt　even　worse。
so　she　wrote　him　a　letter；　and　now　shes　engaged。
there　are　several　factors　involved　in　this　engagement。　first；　beps　sick　father；　who　likes　bertus　very　much。　second；　shes　the　oldest　of　the　voskuijl　girls　and　her　mother　teases　her　about　being　an　old　maid。　third；　shes　just　turned　twenty…four；　and　that　matters　a　great　deal　to　bep。
mother　said　it　would　have　been　better　if　bep　had　simply　had　an　affair　with　bertus。　i　dont　know；　i　feel　sorry　for　bep　and　can　understand　her　loneliness。　in　any　case；　they　can　get　married　only　after　the　war；　since　bertus　is　in　hiding；　or　at　any　rate　has　gone　underground。　besides；　they　dont　have　a　penny　to　their　name　and　nothing　in　the　way　of　a　hope　chest。　what　a　sorry　prospect　for　bep；　for　whom　we　all　wish　the　best。　i　only　hope　bertus　improves　under　her　influence；　or　that　bep　finds　another　man；　one　who　knows　how　to　appreciate　her！
yours；　anne　
m。　frank
the　same　day　theres　something　happening　every　day。　this　morning　mr。　van　hoeven　was　arrested。
he　was　hiding　two　jews　in　his　house。　its　a　heavy　blow　for　us；　not　only　because　those　poor　jews　are　once　again　balancing　on　the　edge　of　an　abyss；　but　also　because　its　terrible　for　mr。　van　hoeven。
the　worlds　been　turned　upside　down。　the　most　decent　people　are　being　sent　to　concentration　camps；　prisons　and　lonely　cells；　while　the　lowest　of　the　low　rule　over　young　and　old；　rich　and　poor。　one　gets　caught　for　black　marketeering；　another　for　hiding　jews　or　other　un…　fortunate　souls。　unless　youre　a　nazi；　you　dont　know　whats　going　to　happen　to　you　from　one　day　to　the　next。
mr。　van　hoeven　is　a　great　loss　to　us　too。　bep　cant　possibly　lug　such　huge　amounts　of　potatoes　all　the　way　here；　nor　should　she　have　to；　so　our　only　choice　is　to　eat　fewer　of　them。　ill　tell　you　what　we　have　in　mind；　but　its　certainly　not　going　to　make　life　here　any　more　agreeable。　mother　says　well　skip　breakfast；　eat　hot　cereal　and　bread　for　lunch　and　fried　potatoes　for　dinner　and；　if　possible；　vegetables　or　lettuce　once　or　twice　a　week。　thats　all　there　is。　were　going　to　be　hungry；　but　nothings　worse　than　being　caught。
yours；　anne　
m。　frank
friday；　may　26；　1944
my　dearest　kitty；
at　long；　long　last；　i　can　sit　quietly　at　my　table　before　the　crack　in　the　window　frame　and　write　you　everything；　everything　i　want　to　say。
i　feel　more　miserable　than　i　have　in　months。　even　after　the　break…in　i　didnt　feel　so　utterly　broken；　inside　and　out。　on　the　one　hand；　theres　the　news　about　mr。　van　hoeven；　the　jewish　question　（which　is　discussed　in　detail　by　everyone　in　the　house）；　the　invasion　（which　is　so　long　in　ing）；　the　awful　food；　the　tension；　the　misera…　ble　atmosphere；　my　disappointment　in　peter。　on　the　other　hand；　theres　beps　engagement；　the　pentecost　reception；　the　flowers；　mr。　kuglers　birthday；　cakes　and　stories　about　cabarets；　movies　and　concerts。　that　gap；　that　enormous　gap；　is　always　there。　one　day　were　laugh…　ing　at　the　ical　side　of　life　in　hiding；　and　the　next　day　（and　there　are　many　such　days）；　were　frightened；　and　the　fear；　tension　and　despair　can　be　read　on　our　faces。
miep　and　mr。　kugler　bear　the　greatest　burden　for　us；　and　for　all　those　in　hiding…miep　in　everything　she　does　and　mr。　kugler　through　his　enormous　responsibthty　for　the　eight　of　us；　which　is　sometimes　so　overwhelming　that　he　can　hardly　speak　from　the　pent…up　tension　and　strain。　mr。　kleiman　and　bep　also　take　very　good　care　of　us；　but　theyre　able　to　put　the　annex　out　of　their　minds；　even　if　its　only　for　a　few　hour