《简爱(英文版)》第164章

Thus　urged；　I　began　the　narrative　of　my　experience　for　the　last　year。　I　softened　considerably　what　related　to　the　three　days　of　wandering　and　starvation；　because　to　have　told　him　all　would　have　been　to　inflict　unnecessary　pain：　the　little　I　did　say　lacerated　his　faithful　heart　deeper　than　I　wished。
I　should　not　have　left　him　thus；　he　said；　without　any　means　of　making　my　way：　I　should　have　told　him　my　intention。　I　should　have　confided　in　him：　he　would　never　have　forced　me　to　be　his　mistress。　Violent　as　he　had　seemed　in　his　despair；　he；　in　truth；　loved　me　far　too　well　and　too　tenderly　to　constitute　himself　my　tyrant：　he　would　have　given　me　half　his　fortune；　without　demanding　so　much　as　a　kiss　in　return；　rather　than　I　should　have　flung　myself　friendless　on　the　wide　world。　I　had　endured；　he　was　certain；　more　than　I　had　confessed　to　him。
“Well；　whatever　my　sufferings　had　been；　they　were　very　short；”　I　answered：　and　then　I　proceeded　to　tell　him　how　I　had　been　received　at　Moor　House；　how　I　had　obtained　the　office　of　schoolmistress；　&c。　The　accession　of　fortune；　the　discovery　of　my　relations；　followed　in　due　order。　Of　course；　St。　John　Rivers’　name　came　in　frequently　in　the　progress　of　my　tale。　When　I　had　done；　that　name　was　immediately　taken　up。
“This　St。　John；　then；　is　your　cousin？”
“Yes。”
“You　have　spoken　of　him　often：　do　you　like　him？”
“He　was　a　very　good　man；　sir；　I　could　not　help　liking　him。”
“A　good　man。　Does　that　mean　a　respectable　well…conducted　man　of　fifty？　Or　what　does　it　mean？”
“St　John　was　only　twenty…nine；　sir。”
“‘Jeune　encore；’　as　the　French　say。　Is　he　a　person　of　low　stature；　phlegmatic；　and　plain。　A　person　whose　goodness　consists　rather　in　his　guiltlessness　of　vice；　than　in　his　prowess　in　virtue。”
“He　is　untiringly　active。　Great　and　exalted　deeds　are　what　he　lives　to　perform。”
“But　his　brain？　That　is　probably　rather　soft？　He　means　well：　but　you　shrug　your　shoulders　to　hear　him　talk？”
“He　talks　little；　sir：　what　he　does　say　is　ever　to　the　point。　His　brain　is　first…rate；　I　should　think　not　impressible；　but　vigorous。”
“Is　he　an　able　man；　then？”
“Truly　able。”
“A　thoroughly　educated　man？”
“St。　John　is　an　acplished　and　profound　scholar。”
“His　manners；　I　think；　you　said　are　not　to　your　taste？—priggish　and　parsonic？”
“I　never　mentioned　his　manners；　but；　unless　I　had　a　very　bad　taste；　they　must　suit　it；　they　are　polished；　calm；　and　gentlemanlike。”
“His　appearance；—I　forget　what　description　you　gave　of　his　appearance；—a　sort　of　raw　curate；　half　strangled　with　his　white　neckcloth；　and　stilted　up　on　his　thick…soled　high…lows；　eh？”
“St。　John　dresses　well。　He　is　a　handsome　man：　tall；　fair；　with　blue　eyes；　and　a　Grecian　profile。”
（Aside。）　“Damn　him！”—（To　me。）　“Did　you　like　him；　Jane？”
“Yes；　Mr。　Rochester；　I　liked　him：　but　you　asked　me　that　before。”
I　perceived；　of　course；　the　drift　of　my　interlocutor。　Jealousy　had　got　hold　of　him：　she　stung　him；　but　the　sting　was　salutary：　it　gave　him　respite　from　the　gnawing　fang　of　melancholy。　I　would　not；　therefore；　immediately　charm　the　snake。
“Perhaps　you　would　rather　not　sit　any　longer　on　my　knee；　Miss　Eyre？”　was　the　next　somewhat　unexpected　observation。
“Why　not；　Mr。　Rochester？”
“The　picture　you　have　just　drawn　is　suggestive　of　a　rather　too　overwhelming　contrast。　Your　words　have　delineated　very　prettily　a　graceful　Apollo：　he　is　present　to　your　imagination；—tall；　fair；　blue…eyed；　and　with　a　Grecian　profile。　Your　eyes　dwell　on　a　Vulcan；—a　real　blacksmith；　brown；　broad…shouldered：　and　blind　and　lame　into　the　bargain。”
“I　never　thought　of　it；　before；　but　you　certainly　are　rather　like　Vulcan；　sir。”
“Well；　you　can　leave　me；　ma’am：　but　before　you　go”　（and　he　retained　me　by　a　firmer　grasp　than　ever）；　“you　will　be　pleased　just　to　answer　me　a　question　or　two。”　He　paused。
“r。　Rochester？”
Then　followed　this　cross…examination。
“St。　John　made　you　schoolmistress　of　Morton　before　he　knew　you　were　his　cousin？”
“Yes。”
“You　would　often　see　him？　He　would　visit　the　school　sometimes？”
“Daily。”
“He　would　approve　of　your　plans；　Jane？　I　know　they　would　be　clever；　for　you　are　a　talented　creature！”
“He　approved　of　them—yes。”
“He　would　discover　many　things　in　you　he　could　not　have　expected　to　find？　Some　of　your　acplishments　are　not　ordinary。”
“I　don’t　know　about　that。”
“You　had　a　little　cottage　near　the　school；　you　say：　did　he　ever　e　there　to　see　you？”
“Now　and　then？”
“Of　an　evening？”
“Once　or　twice。”
A　pause。
“How　long　did　you　reside　with　him　and　his　sisters　after　the　cousinship　was　discovered？”
“Five　months。”
“Did　Rivers　spend　much　time　with　the　ladies　of　his　family？”
“Yes；　the　back　parlour　was　both　his　study　and　ours：　he　sat　near　the　window；　and　we　by　the　table。”
“Did　he　study　much？”
“A　good　deal。”
“What？”
“Hindostanee。”
“And　what　did　you　do　meantime？”
“I　learnt　German；　at　first。”
“Did　he　teach　you？”
“He　did　not　understand　German。”
“Did　he　teach　you　nothing？”
“A　little　Hindostanee。”
“Rivers　taught　you　Hindostanee？”
“Yes；　sir。”
“And　his　sisters　also？”
“No。”
“Only　you？”
“Only　me。”
“Did　you　ask　to　learn？”
“No。”
“He　wished　to　teach　you？”
“Yes。”
A　second　pause。
“Why　did　he　wish　it？　Of　what　use　could　Hindostanee　be　to　you？”
“He　intended　me　to　go　with　him　to　India。”
“Ah！　here　I　reach　the　root　of　the　matter。　He　wanted　you　to　marry　him？”
“He　asked　me　to　marry　him。”
“That　is　a　fiction—an　impudent　invention　to　vex　me。”
“I　beg　your　pardon；　it　is　the　literal　truth：　he　asked　me　more　than　once；　and　was　as　stiff　about　urging　his　point　as　ever　you　could　be。”
“Miss　Eyre；　I　repeat　it；　you　can　leave　me。　How　often　am　I　to　say　the　same　thing？　Why　do　you　remain　pertinaciously　perched　on　my　knee；　when　I　have　given　you　notice　to　quit？”
“Because　I　am　fortable　there。”
“No；　Jane；　you　are　not　fortable　there；　because　your　heart　is　not　with　me：　it　is　with　this　cousin—this　St。　John。　Oh；　till　this　moment；　I　thought　my　little　Jane　was　all　mine！　I　had　a　belief　she　loved　me　even　when　she　left　me：　that　was　an　atom　of　sweet　in　much　bitter。　Long　as　we　have　been　parted；　hot　tears　as　I　have　wept　over　our　separation；　I　never