《简爱(英文版)》第166章

man　judges；　but　far　more　wisely。　I　did　wrong：　I　would　have　sullied　my　innocent　flower—breathed　guilt　on　its　purity：　the　Omnipotent　snatched　it　from　me。　I；　in　my　stiff…necked　rebellion；　almost　cursed　the　dispensation：　instead　of　bending　to　the　decree；　I　defied　it。　Divine　justice　pursued　its　course；　disasters　came　thick　on　me：　I　was　forced　to　pass　through　the　valley　of　the　shadow　of　death。　His　chastisements　are　mighty；　and　one　smote　me　which　has　humbled　me　for　ever。　You　know　I　was　proud　of　my　strength：　but　what　is　it　now；　when　I　must　give　it　over　to　foreign　guidance；　as　a　child　does　its　weakness？　Of　late；　Jane—only—only　of　late—I　began　to　see　and　acknowledge　the　hand　of　God　in　my　doom。　I　began　to　experience　remorse；　repentance；　the　wish　for　reconcilement　to　my　Maker。　I　began　sometimes　to　pray：　very　brief　prayers　they　were；　but　very　sincere。
“Some　days　since：　nay；　I　can　number　them—four；　it　was　last　Monday　night；　a　singular　mood　came　over　me：　one　in　which　grief　replaced　frenzy—sorrow；　sullenness。　I　had　long　had　the　impression　that　since　I　could　nowhere　find　you；　you　must　be　dead。　Late　that　night—　perhaps　it　might　be　between　eleven　and　twelve　o’clock—ere　I　retired　to　my　dreary　rest；　I　supplicated　God；　that；　if　it　seemed　good　to　Him；　I　might　soon　be　taken　from　this　life；　and　admitted　to　that　world　to　e；　where　there　was　still　hope　of　rejoining　Jane。
“I　was　in　my　own　room；　and　sitting　by　the　window；　which　was　open：　it　soothed　me　to　feel　the　balmy　night…air；　though　I　could　see　no　stars　and　only　by　a　vague；　luminous　haze；　knew　the　presence　of　a　moon。　I　longed　for　thee；　Ja！　Oh；　I　longed　for　thee　both　with　soul　and　flesh！　I　asked　of　God；　at　once　in　anguish　and　humility；　if　I　had　not　been　long　enough　desolate；　afflicted；　tormented；　and　might　not　soon　taste　bliss　and　peace　once　more。　That　I　merited　all　I　endured；　I　acknowledged—that　I　could　scarcely　endure　more；　I　pleaded；　and　the　alpha　and　omega　of　my　heart’s　wishes　broke　involuntarily　from　my　lips　in　the　words—‘Jane！　Jane！　Jane！’”
“Did　you　speak　these　words　aloud？”
“I　did；　Jane。　If　any　listener　had　heard　me；　he　would　have　thought　me　mad：　I　pronounced　them　with　such　frantic　energy。”
“And　it　was　last　Monday　night；　somewhere　near　midnight？”
“Yes；　but　the　time　is　of　no　consequence：　what　followed　is　the　strange　point。　You　will　think　me　superstitious；—some　superstition　I　have　in　my　blood；　and　always　had：　nevertheless；　this　is　true—　true　at　least　it　is　that　I　heard　what　I　now　relate。
“As　I　exclaimed　‘Jane！　Jane！　Jane！’　a　voice—I　cannot　tell　whence　the　voice　came；　but　I　know　whose　voice　it　was—replied；　‘I　am　ing：　wait　for　me；’　and　a　moment　after；　went　whispering　on　the　wind　the　words—‘Where　are　you？’
“I’ll　tell　you；　if　I　can；　the　idea；　the　picture　these　words　opened　to　my　mind：　yet　it　is　difficult　to　express　what　I　want　to　express。　Ferndean　is　buried；　as　you　see；　in　a　heavy　wood；　where　sound　falls　dull；　and　dies　unreverberating。　‘Where　are　you？’　seemed　spoken　amongst　mountains；　for　I　heard　a　hill…sent　echo　repeat　the　words。　Cooler　and　fresher　at　the　moment　the　gale　seemed　to　visit　my　brow：　I　could　have　deemed　that　in　some　wild；　lone　scene；　I　and　Jane　were　meeting。　In　spirit；　I　believe　we　must　have　met。　You　no　doubt　were；　at　that　hour；　in　unconscious　sleep；　Jane：　perhaps　your　soul　wandered　from　its　cell　to　fort　mine；　for　those　were　your　accents—as　certain　as　I　live—they　were　yours！”
Reader；　it　was　on　Monday　night—near　midnight—that　I　too　had　received　the　mysterious　summons：　those　were　the　very　words　by　which　I　replied　to　it。　I　listened　to　Mr。　Rochester’s　narrative；　but　made　no　disclosure　in　return。　The　coincidence　struck　me　as　too　awful　and　inexplicable　to　be　municated　or　discussed。　If　I　told　anything；　my　tale　would　be　such　as　must　necessarily　make　a　profound　impression　on　the　mind　of　my　hearer：　and　that　mind；　yet　from　its　sufferings　too　prone　to　gloom；　needed　not　the　deeper　shade　of　the　supernatural。　I　kept　these　things　then；　and　pondered　them　in　my　heart。
“You　cannot　now　wonder；”　continued　my　master；　“that　when　you　rose　upon　me　so　unexpectedly　last　night；　I　had　difficulty　in　believing　you　any　other　than　a　mere　voice　and　vision；　something　that　would　melt　to　silence　and　annihilation；　as　the　midnight　whisper　and　mountain　echo　had　melted　before。　Now；　I　thank　God！　I　know　it　to　be　otherwise。　Yes；　I　thank　God！”
He　put　me　off　his　knee；　rose；　and　reverently　lifting　his　hat　from　his　brow；　and　bending　his　sightless　eyes　to　the　earth；　he　stood　in　mute　devotion。　Only　the　last　words　of　the　worship　were　audible。
“I　thank　my　Maker；　that；　in　the　midst　of　judgment；　he　has　remembered　mercy。　I　humbly　entreat　my　Redeemer　to　give　me　strength　to　lead　henceforth　a　purer　life　than　I　have　done　hitherto！”
Then　he　stretched　his　hand　out　to　be　led。　I　took　that　dear　hand；　held　it　a　moment　to　my　lips；　then　let　it　pass　round　my　shoulder：　being　so　much　lower　of　stature　than　he；　I　served　both　for　his　prop　and　guide。　We　entered　the　wood；　and　wended　homeward。
Chapter　38—CONCLUSION
Reader；　I　married　him。　A　quiet　wedding　we　had：　he　and　I；　the　parson　and　clerk；　were　alone　present。　When　we　got　back　from　church；　I　went　into　the　kitchen　of　the　manor…house；　where　Mary　was　cooking　the　dinner　and　John　cleaning　the　knives；　and　I　said—
“Mary；　I　have　been　married　to　Mr。　Rochester　this　morning。”　The　housekeeper　and　her　husband　were　both　of　that　decent　phlegmatic　order　of　people；　to　whom　one　may　at　any　time　safely　municate　a　remarkable　piece　of　news　without　incurring　the　danger　of　having　one’s　ears　pierced　by　some　shrill　ejaculation；　and　subsequently　stunned　by　a　torrent　of　wordy　wonderment。　Mary　did　look　up；　and　she　did　stare　at　me：　the　ladle　with　which　she　was　basting　a　pair　of　chickens　roasting　at　the　fire；　did　for　some　three　minutes　hang　suspended　in　air；　and　for　the　same　space　of　time　John’s　knives　also　had　rest　from　the　polishing　process：　but　Mary；　bending　again　over　the　roast；　said　only—
“Have　you；　Miss？　Well；　for　sure！”
A　short　time　after　she　pursued—“I　seed　you　go　out　with　the　master；　but　I　didn’t　know　you　were　gone　to　church　to　be　wed；”　and　she　basted　away。　John；　when　I　turned　to　him；　was　grinning　from　ear　to　ear。
“I　telled　Mary　how　it　would　be；”　h