《rekindled(英文版)》第76章

He　raked　a　hand　through　his　hair。　〃I　know　what　you　must　be　thinking
about　me；　but　you"re　wrong。　It"s　unfair　of　you　to　blame　me　for　what
happened　to　Jeff。〃
Anne　had　never　blamed　him　for　the　crash。　But　before　she　could　tell　him
that；　he　said；　〃It　wasn"t　until　February；　when　you　were　so　sick　and　had
that　nightmare　about　the　accident　and　mentioned　the　court　hearing；　that
I　began　to　wonder　if　there　was　a　connection。　Contrary　to　your
assumption；　I　did　not　run　right　back　to　New　York　to　check　it　out。〃　He
turned　away　and　approached　the　hearth。　With　an　arm　on　its　mantel；　and　a
foot　on　the　ashstrewn　grate；　he　was　silent　for　several　minutes。　〃I
didn"t　want　to　know；〃　he　finally　said。　〃My　guilt　feelings　about　that
accident　were　bad　enough；　without　having　to　bear　your　scorn。〃
But　he　was　missing　the　point！　She　didn"t　blame　him　for　the　accident！
That　wasn"t　the　problem！
He　went　on　without　turning。　〃I　was　tortured　ing　back　here　in　March。　I
knew　I　had　to　be　with　you；　but　I　also　knew　you　might　hate　me　even　more
afterward。〃　He　pushed　a　hand　through　his　hair。　〃You　were　bound　to　learn
the　truth　sooner　or　later。　I　wanted　to　tell　you　myself　I　just　。。。
couldn"t。〃
Slowly　he　turned　to　face　her。　His　eyes　held　unfathomable　pain。　〃When　we
made　love；　Anne；　it　was　magnificent。　We　might　fight　about　little　things；
but　when　we　came　together　that　day；　it　was　heaven。　I　kept　thinking　that
if　you　knew　how　much　I　loved　you；　you"d　forgive　me。　If　I　could　have
prevented　that　accident；〃　he　said　on　a　note　of　defeat；　〃I　would　have；
believe　me；　I　would　have。〃
〃I　never　blamed　you　for　that　crash！〃
〃The　guilt　has　been　unbearable；〃　he　said　as　though　he　hadn"t　heard　her。
〃It"s　irrational　and　unjustified；　but　it"s　real。　You　have　no　idea。
Between　the　plane　and　the　car。。　。〃　He　shook　his　head。
Anne　was　missing　something。　Quietly；　she　said；　〃What　car？〃
He　turned　away；　took　a　shuddering　breath；　straightened　in　resignation。
〃My　wife　was　killed　in　an　automobile　accident　three　weeks　before　that
plane　crash。　It　was　late　at　night。　The　roads　were　icy。　Our　car　was　hit
head　on　by　a　man　who"d　had　too　much　to　drink。〃　He　looked　back　over　his
shoulder。　〃I　was　at　the　wheel。〃
Anne　stared　dumbly　at　him；　and　suddenly　she　was　the　one　overwhelmed　with
grief　She　hadn"t　asked　how　Mitch"s　wife　had　died；　because　that　was
against　the　rules。　But　she　should　have　known　that　the　death　of　a　young
woman　would　be　tragic　no　matter　how　it　occurred。
〃It　wasn"t　your　fault；〃　she　reasoned。
His　eyes　flashed。　〃I　was　driving！　If　only　I"d　driven　slower　or　faster；
or　taken　a　different　route。〃　He　hung　his　head。　When　he　raised　it　again；
his　anger　was　spent。　〃Remember　the　nightmare　you　had？　Mine　was　no　dream。
I　was　able　to　pull　Bey　out　of　the　car；　only　to　watch　her　die　in　my　arms。
There　was　nothing　I　could　do。　A　battered　arm　was　the　least　of　my
punishment。　The　plane　crash　seemed　an　extension　of　it。　Then〃…he　pressed
his　lips　together　and　nodded…〃then　I　found　you。〃
Anne　swallowed　hard。　He　wandered　across　the　room；　seeming　aimless；　as
though　it　didn"t　matter　where　he　went。　She　had　never　seen　him　like　this；
had　never　heard　his　voice　so　bleak　or　so　sad。
〃I　had　fallen　in　love　with　you　long　before　I　made　the　connection　between
Jeff"s　death　and　my　airline。　In　an　odd　way；　I　felt　you　were　my　only
chance　at　happiness；　at　building　a　new　life。　I　was　terrified　of　losing
you。　I　didn"t　know　what　would　happen　when　I　told　you　what　I　knew。　I
wanted　to　think　you"d　understand；　but　the　stakes　were　so　high。〃
He　turned　to　face　her；　earnest　now。　〃I　never　lied　to　you　about　the
crash；　Anne。　I　just　didn"t　tell　you　the　whole　truth。　It"s　tormented　me
for　months。　But　the　longer　the　deception　went　on；　the　worse　my　sin　and
the　greater　the　risk　of　ing　clean。　I　was　afraid　that　once　you　knew；
you"d　despise　me。〃　For　a　long　and　heartrending　moment；　he　stared　at　her。
Then　he　cursed　softly。　〃What"s；　what"s　the　use。　It"s　happened；　and　I
deserve　it。　I　was　too　blinded　by　my　own　need　to　see　to　yours。〃　He　took　a
ragged　breath。　〃I　just　wonder　when　the　punishment　will　end。〃　Turning　on
his　heel；　he　stalked　out　of　the　room；　leaving　Anne　alone　and　in　shock。
The　slam　of　the　back　door　jolted　her；　but　even　then　it　was　a　minute
before　she　could　move。　Bolting　up；　she　ran　after　him　out　of　the　house；
stumbling　on　the　steps；　catching　herself　and　running　on。　The　hammer　of
her　heart　made　breathing　difficult；　but　she　didn"t　stop。
He　was　fast　disappearing　into　the　woods。　Frantically　she　followed；
running　on　through　the　low　growth　until　she　reached　a　clearing。　He　sat
there　with　his　back　to　her；　brooding　among　the　dandelions。　The　sun
glanced　off　his　hair　in　sparkles；　but　his　hunched　form　was　grim。
〃Mitch？〃
She　crept　nearer。
〃Mitch；　I"m　sorry；　so　sorry。〃　She　tried　to　touch　him；　but　pulled　back
when　he　flinched。　So　she　hunkered　down　inches　behind　him　and　said；　〃I"ve
been　wrong。　Please　forgive　me。　It　was　cruel　of　me　not　to　listen；　not　to
even　ask　questions；　but　it　hurt　to　know　that　there　was　so　much　I　didn"t
know；　after　everything　that　we"d　shared。　Because　of　what　we"d　shared；　I
should　have　given　you　the　chance　to　explain；　but　I　loved　you　so　much。
Finding　out　who　you　were　like　that　was　awful。　Try　to　understand。〃
This　time　when　she　touched　his　shoulder；　he　allowed　it。
〃I"ve　always　been　nayve；〃　she　explained　not　to　make　excuses　for　herself；
but　so　that　Mitch　would　know　more。　〃My　life　was　easy　and　happy　and
charmed。　Maybe　I　felt　immune　to　tragedy。　I"d　never　known　any；　not　until
the　crash；　and　then　I　couldn"t　believe　Jeff　was　gone。　It　couldn"t　happen
to　me。〃
She　moved　closer。　〃Then　I　found　you。　I　love　you；　Mitch。　I　fought　it　for
a　long　time。　I　was　afraid　of　suffering　the　kind　of　pain　I　had　suffered
loving　Jeff　and　losing　him。　When　I　saw　you　in　that　lawyer"s　office；　the
two　worlds　came　together。　I　should　have　trusted　you。　I　should　have　known
that　there　was　an　explanation。　So　help　me；　I　was　afraid　to　listen。　Maybe
I　was　punishing　myself。　Maybe　I　was　feeling　guilty　for　finding　happiness
with　you。〃　Her　voice　broke。
His　eyes　met　hers；　then；　and　they　were　filled　with　the　same
vulnerability　she　felt。　It　gave　her　the　strength　to　finish。
〃My　God；　Mitch；　haven"t